Happy question (on engagement)

[Littlewhiteflower]

Hello hello,

I just have a couple of quick questions.. i got engaged around Christmas time (2017) and received through the national post a congratulation card from some family member of my partner. I never met any of them yet as they live on the other side of the planet (while my SO lives in my country but still at a long distance from me). Since I'm pretty new to the "engagement world", i was wondering if I was supposed to thank them with a card too? I've been wondering that for a few weeks now, so i thought I'd ask. My SO already thanked them on the phone but I haven't had the chance to do it.

Second question: it is my SO's birthday very soon. Fortunately, I'll be with him to celebrate it this year as I'm spending the summer at his place. It's going to cost me quite a bit to fly there though and I wasn't planning to give him a big gift (more like a nice supper at the restaurant and a little something thoughtful) since that is what we did for my birthday (except I paid at my BD because he had financial issues).

He gave me a few clues for gifts and said he'd like a cheap engagement ring. The thing is, he is a bit picky on his criteria and the rings I found on Canadian websites aren't cheap (as he'd like one in gold). Would that be a good idea to still get him a ring but maybe not made of gold? We haven't bought the wedding rings yet as we are waiting to close the distance before getting married and I can't afford to get him a real expensive wedding ring just yet. I don't want to disappoint him either with a bad gift. So i was just wondering if it is better to put more money on a gold ring or get one a bit cheaper and actually save for the real ring?

Other than that, I hope everyone is fine and will get the chance to see their SO soon. Thanks in advance for the replies!!

P.s. sorry if my questions sound a bit stupid.

[Redheart14]

Hi,
I recently went through this as I'm getting married in 11 weeks. First, the card, I'd just verbally thank them on the phone (which you've done). If you start sending cards out, the costs will blow out. Plus, you'll be doing thank you cards (I assume) after your wedding, so that will cover that.

Secondly, the ring, have you tried other sites for cheaper options? I picked out my engagement ring with my Fiancé about 10 months before he proposed. He wanted me to be happy with it so we chose ours together. Could you maybe go with him and choose one together? Sometimes in person you might get sale prices or they can show you other options and you can assure it's the right fit.

Hope this helps

[Littlewhiteflower]

Thanks for your reply!

We won't have a big wedding (20-25 people maximum). The people that sent the card would not come to the wedding as they are distant relatives and we don't want anything big, but I'll follow your advice.

I might not have been clear for the ring part. We are already engaged and I already have an engagement ring. What we don't have yet is marriage rings (alliances) but we won't buy them now as we dont even have a date for the wedding yet.

The thing is he would like me to give him a ring too (a sort of engagement ring) for his birthday. Except I did not plan in giving him anything super expensive since Im already spending over 1000$ to go see him this summer. I have to quit my job too since I'm leaving for a few months. So, giving him a gift that would cost a few hundred makes me a bit unsecured considering my current unemployment.

I checked most of the websites on google (except the one abroad) and they are from jewelry stores I know, but might find better deals elsewhere. I'm just not sure if It's worth spending too much on my boyfriend's ring when we need to buy proper marriage alliances in a few months.

[Redheart14]

Yeah it's a lot for a ring plus you'll need to buy one for your wedding. Have you tried etsy? I've done most of my decorations from there or diy and it's a great site. Not too badly priced either. Sorry I misunderstood I haven't heard of a male getting an engagement ring before.

[Rezie]

Thank you cards is very cultural thing based on your family and location. I had a conversation about this with a group of people. A few peple from the UK and USA said that in families (and areas) you call and send a thank you card for all presents. This includes every present you ever get from them. Since it was a card, I think a phonecall was enough assuming your FI said that both of you were grateful. Also, your partner should know what is expeccted in their circles. If he thinks a phone call is enough then it is

As for the ring. Where I am from men and women both have engagement rings and woman gets another ring when getting married. I find it odd that this is not the norm everywhere (unless it's a personal choice or a statement about the meaning of a ring). Are you both getting a wedding bands? Cause where I am from the man just has the engagement ring and the dates of engagemtn and wedding are written inside the ring. Ofcourse some people have wedding ring separately and some wear both. Will he wear engagment ring and wedding ring after marriage or just one? I think this affects on how much money is smart to spend.

Anyways, as you are spending already a lot of money to travel I do think that dinner is more than enough. depends on his taste obviously but there are gold band rings available under $50, but they are not high on carats. If you decide to go with different metal the I would discuss with him. I wouldn't want my partner to spend money on a ring I didn't like. If not buying a ring I would also tell him that. "Honey, unfortunately due to me quitting my job and spending money on the flights, I can't afford to buy the type of ring you want. My budget is $$ so we can either wait till I have more money to get you the ring you want, buy one within the the set price range or you'll have to pitch in with the rest".

[Littlewhiteflower]

In canada, men usually don't have an engagement ring, just a wedding ring. That's what I was planning to do until my boyfriend raised his desire to also have an engagement ring.

We are also planning to get proper wedding rings (we will put more money on the wedding rings than the engagement ones). I'll still wear my engagement ring, but maybe in the right hand and my wedding ring, in the left. It would be the same for him I supposed.

Thanks a lot for your advice. I appreciate it !

[Redheart14]

Hopefully you figure out a solution. Fingers crossed it works out.

[Littlewhiteflower]

Little update:

I got him a gold ring finally (in a shop rather than online, which gave me 10% off the final price). It is very simple, but since he wanted something in gold, I thought this would do.
The shop offered the same model in both women and men's section, except the woman's one was 40$ less expensive, because I think it was slightly less thick. By making a comparison, I realized that they were the exact same thing (same size, same width, same color). So, I got him the woman's one. He should not even notice as there are nothing feminine to the ring.

I hope he will like it. Finger crossed!

Thank you all for your advices.. I appreciate it!

[Redheart14]

Little update:

I got him a gold ring finally (in a shop rather than online, which gave me 10% off the final price). It is very simple, but since he wanted something in gold, I thought this would do.
The shop offered the same model in both women and men's section, except the woman's one was 40$ less expensive, because I think it was slightly less thick. By making a comparison, I realized that they were the exact same thing (same size, same width, same color). So, I got him the woman's one. He should not even notice as there are nothing feminine to the ring.

I hope he will like it. Finger crossed!

Thank you all for your advices.. I appreciate it!

Glad you have a solution.