Fake account cheating..

[Chicahoni]

Hi everyone, I’m new to this site so apologises if I do anything wrong. I really need some input. It’s a long story, so I’ll try and make it quick.

After 7, amazing, amazing months my long distance boyfriend and I broke up. There was quite a lot of arguing but despite it all we loved eachother and worked through them. However eventually, I guess the arguments took a toll on him as towards the end there was so many, and he did the thing I’d never expect him to do. Left.

I begged. I pleaded. This pushed him further away. He couldn’t be with someone so “negative” anymore. Eventually after a week of begging, I stopped contact as I was so exhausted.

12 days later he messaged me, and we began talking again and soon, after a slight convincing from me, got back together.
Things were fine for like, 12 hours.
He had began talking to other girls in the time we were apart, but the whole 7 months we were together there was never anyone else. However he kept saying they weren’t friends at all, he didn’t want friends and he only wanted people to chat with, as we were long distance and couldn’t always talk to me. (This was all on Snapchat by the way, not real life.)

Jealously very quickly began to set in, if he took a few minutes to reply I’d freak out knowing he was talking to other people which brought up old arguments. He became distraught that I didn’t trust him. The third day into our new “relationship” I asked for his snapchat password. He refused to give it to me, saying it was his personal business.

At that point when I asked we had already spent all the time we were back together arguing, and he said several times he couldn’t take the relationship seriously and was on the verge of leaving if I didn’t stop trying to control him. I just felt so helpless, like I had competition. He was never talking to people before, so why now? No matter what I did he wouldn’t stop talking to them, I kept saying how uncomfortable it made me, but he kept saying I wouldn’t let him be himself and I was being controlling. But, he was snapping other girls shirtless! Yes I knew he always lounged around his house shirtless, I was fine with that, but how would he of liked it if I snapped other people in my bra.

As soon as he said his password was personal, this completely set off crazy mode for me, as if my mind hadn’t gone crazy enough from all of this. I set up a fake Snapchat account and downloaded an app to send snaps from with another girls pictures. I did this as soon as me and him had another huge argument about how I didn’t trust him. His final words were “Trust in a relationship is the most important thing and we don’t have it because of you. It’s hard to take us seriously right now, and I swear if you act like this one more time I’m leaving you, and I won’t even say goodbye”

This comment didn’t surprise me, I really pushed him to the edge. So yeah, after the argument he left for a few hours to see his family. This is when I started snapping him with the fake account, and after a while of talking I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said yes and revealed every single detail there was about me, it was almost like a cry for help. He was telling “me” about our break up, how we got back together and now all I was doing was questioning the relationship, making empty promises. It really broke my heart to see that.

However I did not stop the flirting with him, and I acted the way I knew exactly what would lead him into bed. After a few hours, and the fake account basically “begging” him to do it, he started sending a few body pictures. He refused to meet up with the fake account but agreed he would only “play” around on this. Even said how the fake account would have to be “good” if it wanted to have competition with ME as I made him feel so good (Oh yeah, I tried to get the fake account to get him to leave me too, he kept saying we’d see, as he said I only had one more chance.) I felt sick. How could he do this to me? I know me and him nearly ended earlier, but wow.

As soon as the fake account said “So, what would your girlfriend think about all this?” He said “She probably wouldn’t be happy. This is so bad, I’ve gone beyond caring though.”
I decided to scare him a little and said “Well, you told me everything about her, wouldn’t be hard to find her on Facebook..”

He then immediately blocked the fake account. When ME and him began messaging again, I decided to be perfect and not act jealous at all until I decided was the right time to tell him. He seemed distant over text, but on phone calls everything was perfect. We felt happy and in love again.

However I couldn’t hide it forever, and had to tell him I knew what he did. After four days of us being perfectly happy again, I told him I received a message from this girl. I didn’t have to say anymore. Immediately he spilled out the whole truth, saying how sorry he was and how shit he felt. He said he was going to tell me eventually when we were definitely happy again, as he thought he would of had more of a chance of forgiveness. He said this would never happen in real life, it was only over the phone, and he did it because he felt like such a mess because of how he thought he was going to leave me this morning.

He understood if I left him, but if I stayed he said trust would be important and I would still have to allow him his freedom, as not allowing this is what broke us up the first 7 months. As he had forgiven me for lots of horrible things I did before, I forgave him. He promised me no matter what happened, something like this would never happen again. It never would of happened if we weren’t so close to leaving eachother, also.

Oddly enough, I did trust him. It’s like I knew in my gut he wouldn’t do it again, and I knew he had never done it before. Now, everything we’ve been through just made us want eachother more. Things, for another few days, were once again perfect. We were no longer distant, and the thought of it now still gives me butterflies.

This was short lasted. For two days he was too tired to have a phone call, and just wanted to text for a little bit before he fell asleep after a long day at work. And once again, my jealously set in. He was still snapping people when we should of been talking. Still shirtless. (I don’t know weather or not that’s important, but surely that’s slightly sexual. I don’t know.) and my jealously set in again. I was so unhappy those two days as we literally hardly talked, and I thought he was giving other people more attention. Weather he was or not I’ll never know, looking back I guess I should have been okay with that, considering we were only In our “new” relationship for not even a full two weeks, I guess I shouldn’t have asked for or expected anything..

Immediately he left, he said after everything we’ve been through and I still can’t trust him and all I want to do is control him. I was shocked. After his “cheating” I thought I’d have more chances, but obviously not. I didn’t beg this time, as I knew it would get me no where.

A day later he messaged me and asked if I wanted to be friends. I politely refused this offer and said right now it would hurt too much as I loved him. He said he understood and wished me all the best.

It’s now been three days since our second breakup. I deeply, deeply regret everything I did. I know I went crazy, and I expect any of you, (if you’re kind enough to reply) to tell me that. I truly miss him and want to be with him, but I know if I wanted another chance I’d need to work on myself.

I’ve taken up a few hobbies, and I’m seeing a counsellor about my jealously and trust issues. I also have ordered books online about relationships, exes, jealously, insecurities, trust issues, how to trust again. Really everything.

I want to work on myself. Deep down I know I’d be able to earn another chance from him, but I don’t know if I can do that to myself. I can’t handle the heartbreak again, if he’d rather spend more time with other people than me. (I’m sure that’s not true, I just don’t appreciate him having other conversations on Snapchat with other people while I’m also texting him. That’s headwrecking.) Also, I don’t know after the fake account incident if that would always be playing on my mind. Again, this is why I want to work on myself.

I guess I’m basically asking. Would you be able to trust him if you were me. Would you be willing to give him another chance? (If he would take me back, but if he would.)

Thank you so much everyone, for any replies you give.

[Littlewhiteflower]

Wow! What a story.

First of all, I won't admit that what he did was right. I don't believe in cheating and I hate those who do it. I would never stay with someone who would cheat on me.

I might have missed this part but, how do you know that he was sending shirtless pictures to women? Maybe he was sending a snap of his dog or his drink or his pile of clothes on the floor. I dont know. It might sound silly but when i had snapchat, my boyfriend and friends did not send me only pics of them.

Snapchat made me jealous too. I deleted it after a while. My boyfriend did so too. If you start looking at his number and then wonder why he does not snap you, it can make you jealous. Except the thing i realise with my SO when we were living together and he was using snapchat next to me is that he was snapping his two male best friend 99% of the time and not other women.

You have HUGE trust issues. I dont think that this would work if you ever go back with him as he does not seem very serious and the trust has been broken too many time. Imagine the trust is like a glass. You drop it once, it cracks. You drop it twice, it breaks. But you love this glass so much because of all the memory you had with it that you don't want to put it in the trash. So, you glue it all together. There are a few small pieces missing now. You cannot put water in it anymore because the water would drop on thr floor. The glass has cracks everywhere. You cannot use it anymore. Then, you drop it another time and you realize that it cannot be glued anymore. It's too broken. This is the same thing with trust. If you go back with him, the work you are making on yourself will probably not change anything and you will probably fall in your old patterns because want it or not, you never trusted him and he did not help the thing. So move on. Work on yourself. Become a strong healthy and independent woman and find a man who will love you.

You need to learn though that it is okay if your boyfriend talks with other people at the same time of you. I find it disrespectful when it is on the phone but through text messages, who care? Have you never chatted with your best friend at the same time as your SO and your mother ? Isn't normal? Yes. You need to learn that other people's life cannot turn around yourself and that they are allowed to have friends and chats with other (not flirting but chatting)

Jealousy can make you crazy yes. You feel insane and shameful. I know that feeling. But if you work on yourself, on your self-esteem, it will change for the better. Believe me. You need to learn that your boyfriend cannot be responsible for your hapiness. He can be tired after a long day and not feel like talking. He cannot be all lovey dovey all the time and it is not because he talks with others that he is lovey dovey with others and not you. What i am saying is that your SO will love you but cannot make you happy in all aspect of your life. You cannot depend on someone for that. You need to find this happiness yourself. So if your SO treat you like crap, you will realise it is better to be alone than with someone like this.

Other than that, I wish you the very best in your healing and working on yourself. Give you some time before going back in another relationship. It will help.

[kittyxuchiha11]

well first of all, it's good that you recognise that what you did wasn't okay and you need to work on yourself, that's the first step. Because really asking for access to his snapchat to spy on him and what he says to other people isn't okay, he may be your boyfriend but he isn't your property he has a life and you can't and never should control that. Honestly if anything, i don't think you should be asking us would we be able to trust him, you should be asking if we could trust you in his shoes. You created a fake account to catfish him just to see what he would do, that's a total violation of trust and it never ever works out. What if your positions were swapped, imagine what it would be like to have him constantly tell you he doesn't trust you and doesn't want you to talk to people. You're just trying to talk to some people and make friends every time you reply to someone else he loses it at you and starts a fight. it wouldn't be fun, would it? he's just trying to live his life and as sad as it is that doesn't and shouldn't revolve solely around you.

For the cheating thing, I honestly completely understand where he's coming from. When you're in a relationship where all you ever do is argue and things are bad you get tired, exhausted, and he probably felt a bit safe getting to vent to this fake profile about how hard things have been. Put it this way, all you two were doing was fighting and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't please you everything he did was wrong, and then this nice new person comes along and makes him feel good about himself and doesn't try to hurt him, of course he's going to latch onto that he just wants a break from the hurting and arguing. You can see that even when you tried to get him to sext he was really hesitant and from what he said about he's beyond caring isn't because he didn't care, it's because you've hurt him and exhausted him to the point that he feels the relationship isn't worth it anymore and you don;t care about him if you can hurt him constantly.

I feel if you'd told him you have basically catfished him just to try test his loyalty he would have left you straight away, yes his 'cheating' was bad, but you betrayed his trust a lot more than he did yours. Look, i know it really sucks when you don't get to talk to your SO lots, even I get upset if i have a day or 2 where my SO is busy and cant really chat, but you shouldn't just jump to conclusions. He has a life that he needs to live, and that life includes work, housework, hobbies, and talking to other people because that's what people do. There will be times where my SO has worked lots and hasn't had much sleep and is really tired and all she wants to do is just relax in bed and read. Yes it can be annoying when she doesn't reply, but i understand because she has her own life and i don't have control of her, she shouldn't have to speak to me constantly. You need to have a life outside of your SO.

I don't think you two will ever get back together, and i don't think you should try, you both hurt each other too much and honestly you really need to work on yourself before you even think of getting into any other relationship. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes you just need someone to tell you it like it is to get a point into your head and i think you really need that right now.

One last thing, being shirtless isn't sexual, it's just sitting around without clothes on. Yes some people might think that, but really if you were to get a snapchat from your friend in her bra starting a normal conversation you'd focus on the fact she's starting a conversation with you, not the fact she's in her bra. Nakedness is only sexual when you give it the context for it to be.

[paperplane]

I think most of us have done something crazy that we bury deep in the shame cave of our minds when it comes to dating and jealousy. I have done some shit that went totally against my values and then afterward looked at myself as was like "Sh*t. It's me. I'm the crazy girlfriend." The important thing is to make this behavior be DONE. This was your one bad lap. This shit was abusive. This is now your past self, and present/future you is not going to stoop that low again. If you don't learn that lesson now, the same issues will haunt you in every relationship until you do.

If I were you, no, I would not still trust him right now, because you never trusted him, be real. He never stood a chance, and that's why he broke to the point of cheating. You may not have done it intentionally or even consciously at first, but you looked for reasons not to trust him.

I'm proud of you that you have taken the steps to get a counselor, do some reading, etc. You're starting a new journey now, and you should definitely take some time to process the relationship before starting again. Your instinct is correct. You should take some time to just focus on yourself. Give yourself a full year of being single and focusing on your relationship with yourself, on figuring out what causes you to spiral into jealousy, and develop tools to deal with it. At 18, you have so much time to actually set yourself a healthy mental foundation for your entire 20's if you do the work now.

[Chicahoni]

Thank you everyone for your such kind and honest replies, I honestly was not expecting such feedback. I know none of you recommend getting back together, but it seems I should understand his cheating, and it was just that and the other people thing I have to get over. But obviously I will take my time to settle down, but it doesn’t stop me loving him at all. From the first reply I also knew he was shirtless because he’d often send snaps chilling In the bath to people (I used to watch his score, I know, again crazy) and he used to put pictures on his story too. I do regret everything I’ve done and maybe moving on would just be better, but it has only been a few days since everything happened so the wound is still very fresh. If it was real love, time might possibly heal it, after I’ve worked on myself?
Thank you everyone, really.

[hmrambling]

Have you told him you created the fake account and intentionally lured him in?

[Chicahoni]

No, I haven’t told him that I created the fake account