Does it have to end?

[Carlo&Jade]

" I need stability and security in my life"
my partner is my life, so I would even live under a bridge if is necessary to stay with her, this is true love in my opinion.

"She is very dependant on her family, and not wanting to leave her family does her make not love me? I dont think so"
Family is important, but when you grow up you have to take a choice..

[snow]

What is your education? Usually you can translate any credits or degrees you have and transfer them to an equivalent degree. However, if it is very specific to the area you live in, I can understand your struggle.

Coming from someone who moved to the states from Europe, I can tell you that things are more possible than they seem. Obviously I am not in Canada, and things may be completely different, but chances are that you can get a job making OK money within a year or two of being here. I scored my job within the first 6 months of being able to work here and my education actually helped me get the job. It was 2 dollars above minimum wage and it was OK.
Am I 100% happy with the job? No. It is underpaid and underappreciated, but with my husband together, we are living well within our means. I have plans to apply for other jobs once my renewed green card comes back so I can make more money and make it even easier for us two, but we manage just fine.

I disagree with Carlo&Jade. True love will find a way, but love is not all you can depend on. As much as I think it is a wonderful thing to believe love conquers all, the reality is that without a job that can sustain a lifestyle, love will eventually turn into resentment. Then questions will pop into your mind like, why did I leave my country where I was happy to be here, broke and unhappy? Eventually you'd wish you never followed your heart. Props to the people who make it work though!

[Rezie]

Coming from someone who moved to the states from Europe, I can tell you that things are more possible than they seem

I think the thought process was more that OP wan't to take over his dads business in Germany. Also that he would have to change work fields that he doesn't want to do and the benefits (like annual leave) is not good enough to provide opportunities to travel and see family. So it's less about not being able to go to Canada and more about wanting to stay in Germany. This creates teh comflict of loving someone but also wanting to be happy in other aspect of life. I so feel this and struggle with this (oh, this was not specifically for Snow eventhough I quoed her, just a general comment )

I disagree with Carlo&Jade. I think that view is too simplistic. Also "my partner is my life" is not an indication on true love in my opinion. I don't believe that love conquers everything and we all can't operate with a mentality "as long as we are together". I also think that there is a lot more to it than finding a job, I don't think that the one that has easier to be employed should automatically move since there are a lot of emotional and social factors that play in. I'm a bit jelous of people that can just get up and leave wherever and just say "I'm in Love" but that does not provide security and stability for everyone. If you don't feel good on all aspects then it will not work out.

[M+T]

Hi! I do have a bachelor of business administration. It seems like canada is not really interested in that but prefers doctors, engineers etc.. i even used to co to highschool in the states for a year so i know i can live in another country. I just dont know if i can find a suitable job for me or if i could even get a working permit? I cant go there and pick strawberries or something, that would make me depressed and then her and then the whole point of happiness is Gone. She is also in debt and has to college degree so she couldnt even help us out really in the beginning. I have a good amount of savings but not that much!

Im so glad you two understand me though. It is a struggle and i have no doubt that our love isnt real thats not the problem.
I feel you rezie, i wish i could just go and try it but im such a thinker and worrier. Im realistic which i dont wanna be but still dreamer enough to look into everything and hope to find a good way. Even though i wont have too much time anymore i cant give completely up yet.

[snow]

You should look. I remember my dad was invited to work in Canada as a social worker before (however, that was 10 years ago)

We ended up not going because all of us kids were SO against it lol

[rogerF]

Hi and welcome.
Sorry to hear what you've been going through. Do you know for certain that you've actually broken up? Long distance is very hard, no doubt about it. Missing family is a big thing. My fiancé misses his family a lot, it's natural to miss them. Maybe your SO was feeling down or very homesick when she made that comment. Maybe after getting back home for a bit things will feel better. I guess she's extra lonely, not having you or her family close by. You can still make it work if you both want to. Moving plans change and it can be achievable. I was meant to move to my fiancé but circumstances meant we had to change plan for him to move here. It can be done, if you are both willing to make it work. There's also a member here who will be moving to Canada if you need to chat to someone about how to go about it. I guess give her some time and allow her to get through her home sickness before approaching the subject of moving again.

Exactly, great answer Redheart14 !

[Lune]

Hello there

I read all posts now and also your first one and am not sure about what to think. You wrote she moved to the UK now and will stay til the end of the year? That is still some months where you can meet now and then. It is not so expensive and tricky to fly to the UK from here in Germany so you could just work on on your relationship. How long does she already live in the UK now? And did she ever live anywhere else for a longer time or was apart from her family?
Depending on that the first time is always hard. You have a new environment and have to get used to everything, find new people and so on. Still you are not that far away. Has she ever been to Germany? It could help too I think if she slowly gets to know the country and make a final decision about it all when you really see no other way anymore. But since she is here for another half year or so that is more time than it might seem to be able to plan, change your mind and get used and comfy with new situations. Plus you can have regular visits as much as your budget allows it.

All the best,
Lune

[M+T]

Hi, i completely agree with you! I dont wanna end it that quickly either. Money to come and see her wont be a problem, getting enough days off work is a bit harder but we could manage and even made a plan when to see eachother way more often than we used to (even less days in total cause itll be more short trips). She is in the uk for only a month now and before that she was a month here. Shes been here 3 times now always for a longer period. Sadly i couldnt take all the days off work so she had to stay by herself for quiet a while so she was probably a little lonely and started thinking about her family etc too much. Shes never been away from her family for that long but in her head its final that she cant do it again and i know it could change after the year or even more time but i think shes just super afraid and stressed and overwhelmed with everything. I think her strength is just gone for now and i gave her the feeling that there seems no hope when she cant live here which ofcourse was stupid and just an initial reaction cause i was so overwhelmed. I told her that though and i videochatted her about this today. That there is hope and that we shouldnt end it that fast without giving eachother more time. Dhe was super sick though so she just said that she doesnt know, she doesnt want me to resent and shes super stressed and doesnt know what she wants. For her it seemed agreed that we break up and that she doesnt want to continue with an expiry date so i hope that she finds the strength to take a step back again.

[libertine]

It may sound a bit harsh here but eventually this comes down to what you value more.
A move to another country is a big step and can be scary and its not for everyone. If you value what you have in Germany more than what Canada has to offer then thats your choice and going seems, well, pointless.
And if her family is more important to her than bridging the gap then thats understandable but also a choice.

Adapting to something new because youre previous education is more or less worth nothing in canada again comes down to choice.
Personally that I feel that for the right one you'll leave everything behind without thinking about it twice. So maybe thats something to consider.
You're still young so I think you could still start over once more again, but family ties are family ties so if you want to take over your dads business then go for it.
Just make sure you are entirely comfortable with your choice. Otherwise you'll just end up in a bad place playing the blame game if youre not happy.

[ldrhealer]

It's a really tough situation and I'm so sad to hear you are going through this. The way I see it as cliche as it sounds, if you are both meant to be, you will be together. It's unfortunate the timing of both of your lives are just not aligning at the moment but again with the cliche which i am a firm believer of, everything happens for a reason, you never know what comes out of this. Take it for what it is, cherish the memories and do what you each have to do to survive in a way that aligns to each of your values in life. I think it come's down to whose situation can provide the best environment for both partners to thrive. If you both will equally thrive in your own locations and no one is willing to sacrifice to move eventually then it's probably best to move on as hard as that is to digest. Wish you all the best!

[M+T]

Thank you all! So what happened is that i talked with family etc and looked things up and decided that canada would be an option for me and told her i will try! She seemed hesitant and after a while she said she needs a break cause everything is too much and she needs to think and figure out what she really wants. She was very stressed from the uk and new work and got into a depression. I tried to support her but i guess that was too much cause she broke up with me and one day before we were supposed to meet cancelled our plans cause she felt so anxious. We havent texted since cause she needed a cold cut. Now i dont know how to go on, idk if this is all her depression and anxieties speaking or not. I dont wanna give up on her but dont know how to act

[libertine]

Well, that sucks for the least to say.
depression is hard to deal with. My ex-GF(we've been together for a total of 9 years) was clinically depressed for 3 years, shrink, antidepressants, the whole deal.
It's hard to actually help a person thats depressed, most of the time, in my experience, they just want to curl up and be by themselves. I wouldnt say that any behaviour present
during a depression wouldnt be there if the person is not depressed but depression can serve as a catalyst.
What I say now is harsh but dont blame her depression or anxiety. Those at the end of the day are just symptons. Both have an underlying reasons whatever they may be in this case.
And even if it was depression and anxiety speaking thats no reason to dismiss it as something irrational.
You really cant do a lot of anything at this point, it sounds hard but its the truth.
Let her be by herself and see where it goes, if you try to force something now that'll definitely be the end of it for good.

[M+T]

I dont blame it and i dont wanna force anything. I just dont wanna give up on her. We were happy like a week before this started so i dont understand how everything can end so sudden. I dont wanna push her but i dont know if i should text her to say that im there for her? Or nothing? Like im just afraid that one day i look back and wish i would have tried to get her back. I feel like shes getting used to the uk by now and its getting better from what i can tell. But should i just give her the freedom or get in contact somehow? Literally drives me crazy

[M+T]

She just accidently got an airbnb with my paypal but not her but her cousin messaged me about it and told me they are sorry and will transfer the money back to me. Why wont she message me that? Too ashamed and scared? Uncomfortable? Or upset with me? Just so hurtful how a person i was so close with and we shared everything is now not even capable to message me that i dont know what to do of it? Is her cousin manipulating her like she has before? Or am i just trying to find reason where there is none? I really gotta message her eventually but i hope i wont stress her even more

[Rezie]

I'm sorry to hear what happened.
She needs time. Don't read into her cousin texting instead of her. She said she needs to go no contact, so she is having no contact. Regarding you messaging her. I understand the urge, but I would wait a while. Maybe another week. Then send a message saying "I'm here for you". Nothing about getting back together. Just letting her know that you are there and you care. Then the ball is on her court.

Anxiety and depression changes your worldview. It's great that you found a solution to go to Canada, but seems like she is in a bad place and needs to figure herself out. In the meantime, you are broken up so don't spend time pining after her. Live your life and try to move on from her.