He's really really struggling :(

[LMarsden]

Hey lovelies!

So a week ago today I met my SO for the first time. The weekend was amazing if a little short due to not having enough funds to stay longer and his work commitments made it impossible to stay longer.

The weekend was great, we laughed a lot, we had a great time and we left loving eachother more than we thought possible. There were tears when we said goodbye. It was no easy feat.

My SO is especially taking it really really badly. He told me he had a near breakdown in the car after we said bye. Me arriving and then leaving has really really hit him hard. I hate seeing him upset and I'm trying so hard to reassure him. He has a sensitive soul, one of the reaaons why I love him so dearly. I wish I could help him through this in person.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can help him? Does anyone elses SO go through the same thing?

I hate seeing him upset. And I feel so powerless.

Would appreciate the advise. Thank you.

[Michelle]

I'm so glad your first visit went so well! Goodbyes are so hard - I bawled almost every time myself. :'(

If he is having an especially hard time you could spend some extra time on the phone/video chat with him. I know there were times that Frank or I would get back home and then we'd spend the night on our webcams or phone and fall asleep together because I'd miss him so much that first night apart. Long term, planning our next visit really helped because it gave us something to look forward to. Saying goodbye never got easier for me - but it confirmed each time that what we had was special, and we needed to make this work and close the distance.

[RWhiz]

First off, this was your first visit correct? If so there is a chance that it will be more emotional than future visits. Second, if he's too sensitive a LDR may be very taxing on him. In that regard he might want to kind of 'toughen' up a little. I don't mean that in a bad way, just he'll have to do so in order to be a functioning part of the relationship. My advice, which is free so take it at face value is that you should kind of drive him to be more, well stronger in this way.

[Shauny]

The first time is always extremely emotional, but it will get better each time.
Best thing to help him is have a plan for a next visit. The excitement will cancel out the sorrow.

[beester]

I really feel for you and your SO. This long distance thing is hard.

The only thing you can do is support him and keep connecting in any/every way possible. But you also need to realize that his happiness (or in this case unhappiness) is not depending on you. Yes the distance/time situation doesn't make it easier, but in the end there is only so much you can do. He'll have to find a way for himself to cope with it, and you both will need to find a way communicating to keep these feelings, that pop up for everyone, at bay.

In my relationship I'm the more sensitive one when it comes to the distance... she copes better because she is surrounded by her colleagues working with disabled children in a very strange and poor country (Sudan), while for me it's same as usual when it comes to work and hobbies. But we manage... and have found an understanding of what makes us tick in this long distance thing... and that's the secret I think, understanding what the other is feeling and trying to be available for each other but also live your life.

Anyway as a post script: I'm not sure if it gets better with repeated visits. For my SO and me it gets worse every time we have to say goodbye. We've met 4 times between December of last year and now and every time we say goodbye even tho we try to keep focusing on the happy memories and experiences it gets harder and harder. So hard that my SO is thinking about not finishing her contract (end of December) but already returning to Italy end of October.