My BF and I have been together for almost 4 months. He lives in Tj but works in SD, I live & work in Oakland. He's 34 I'm 27. He wakes early to cross border to be at work by 7am, he works long hours, gets paid unfairly and is always tired. He was the provider in his family until his mother had a debilitating stroke and sent his parents to live with his brother in AZ. A month prior to this unfortunate event I planned a trip to spend time with him. I know he has alot of stress so I made myself available to him at all hours, falling asleep on the phone, giving up everything to try and give him some sort of peace of mind and always showing him how much I care and will be there for him. Well our trip was/is supposed to be on Fri but a week ago my mother had suffered a debilitating head & neck injury and has been hospitalized since. He has tried to be there for me as best he can but we have had so many arguments due to me not giving him my time as I had done previously. I work 6 days, he does 5. I failed to mention I had lost an uncle days before my mother was hospitalized. Due to my mother's incapacitation I had to take care of my uncle's services as well as cleaning of his place as he was never married nor had children. Well Sunday (my only day off & his day off as well) was my only chance to clean his place out. I make a habit of always communicating who, what, when,where, why, how to the BF before I leave anywhere so he knows where or what I'm doing. He was aware, and Sunday is our usual day of him getting upset about his lack of attention. I text him here and there but on this day he had seemed upset already that morning so I opted to give him space as I had this task to complete. He came to mind throughout the day but I was caught up and had not had a chance to communicate that to him. I received a rude mean txt about how I forgot about him and he's use to it by now etc etc. Well it led to an argument and him totally disregarding me and my feelings as well as the problems I'm now having to take care of. He told me in the beginning that he says things that push ppl away and he has done it countless times with me and will apologize and we move past it. But it seems every argument we have lately he has the need to throw his problems out to guilt me in some sort of way, his mother is dying, he's got no money and will be homeless living out of his car. He confuses me, tells me he has nothing to offer me, that I can be happy with someone else but will say I'm his rock and his motivation and the only good thing in his life. Back to my trip, he wants me to cancel, since he knows that I should be with my mom and doesn't want to be selfish. I'm torn, part of me wants to go but part of me wants to stay. I should also mention we have fallen asleep on the phone almost every night, I can't sleep until I hear him snore and he can't sleep until I'm on the phone. But lately we have talked less, he seems mad at me when I call him, and we haven't slept on the phone in days. I know we are both stressed out and going through obstacles, just rough. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated
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Hi and welcome to the forum. It seems like you are both under a tremendous amount of stress very early in your relationship. High stress situations like this can cause fights but it's how you bounce back from those that are important. I think at this stage you need to do what's best for you. If you go, will you be able to enjoy it or will you be worrying about your mother? Can your trip be rescheduled if you need to change the dates? I think once the dust settles on illnesses in the family it will give you both clarity to see things better and decide what you want to do. My SO and I went through a similar situation and we are still going strong. It can be done, it's a long bumpy road though. Good luck.
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Thanks. It seems lately that its just been a struggle to be on the same page with one another, I am a lot more understanding and patient but he isn't. For an update, as of today, the trip is off. From a text he let me know he was never optimistic about it and that I should have never gotten his hopes up, this alone just breaks my heart. We both could not have predicted these unfortunate situations from arising. So I don't really know where to go from here, just sad all the way around. Thank you for the advice, ill keep an optimistic outlook.Originally posted by Redheart14 View PostComment
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thanks, Im doing my best to be supportive but its not being reciprocated. I do love him and I know were both not happy.Comment
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Maybe it's a case of "not right now". If it's meant to be it will be. I'm sorry it's come to this. Take care of yourself during this time.
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