Why is she so cold hearted?

[Shauny]

So my SO and I have been together for 4 years this month. She's visiting me next month and I'm visiting her in September. We spoke about marriage and what not before, and we love each other a lot.

However, my girlfriend is a bit of a verbal bully. I don't think she means it, probably just as jokes, but for some examples when we first met I'd get compliments on my green eyes, cheekbones, my 'down below' and so on. I would compliment her just as much.
Today is a different story. She doesn't often reply I love you when I say it first, which she used to. I rarely get compliments, rather she jokes with me but most of the time I take them as hints something is wrong with me. I'm too boney. My nuts are tiny. I'm ugly. Etc.
Now, she's no skinny Minnie herself and I've mentioned she's grown herself a little belly since we first met, but I mean this as a term of endearment; I honestly find it cute and I don't care what size she is, and I've let her know this many times. I've never called her fat, because she isn't, but she's had to buy a new wardrobe and she's gone one or two sizes up.

On the other hand, I continue to compliment her, as I still feel I'm 'in love' with her quite a lot. I don't have anything against the way she looks, even if she has put on a few pounds, I always always compliment her. If she says she doesn't like something about herself, I tell her I like it, because I do.
However, if I do compliment anything remotely sexual, like her big booty, I'll just get called a pervert. If she's got jeans on, I'll say "you've got the best booty boo"., "You pervert". Every damn time. Not said in an angry manner, she just says it. Still though. Even if she, in the rare occasion brings up something sexual and I reply with something else sexual; pervert. At first it was funny. Now it's just downright annoying and I hate it. I've told her but she keeps doing it. I feel like I can't say anything to her! If it's not sexual; her face or something, or I say I love her or whatever; it's too cheesy, or I get a "get out." What???? We used to be cheesy and cringy all the time but that was funny! We both enjoyed it! Now I can't say ANYTHING about my own girlfriend or I get some sort of backlash.

Now I know she loves me; she's wanting to marry ASAP, and she has her moments when she does flirt and stuff, but it's a rarity. As horrible as it seems, her exes told her she was cold hearted and I couldn't believe it when I met her. Now I sort of get it. She loves me, but barely shows any indication, nor acknowledges my love for her.

What could I do to fix this?

[kittyo9]

Have you guys really sat down and talked about this-- laid both your feelings towards the issue on the table fully and honestly and asked how you can each do better? Relationships do change and evolve over time, but when something starts to become negative, it's really important to address it early on and understand where it's coming from and how to change it. It obviously bothers you a huge amount, and ideally the two of you should be able to work with each other to come to a solution to this, which means compromise from both ends. I sense that you might be trying to compliment her more in an effort to get her to compliment you back, but if she's actually putting you down and it makes you feel bad, that's not a good sign and you need to call her out on it immediately. Be an adult here and have a relationship check-in; if she brushes you off and isn't willing to work with you, your relationship isn't going to work.

Also work on your own approach to it as well-- if you find yourself retaliating or saying things to put her down, ask yourself why you think this is an appropriate response. She isn't necessarily "cold-hearted," but clearly her attitude towards the relationship has changed over time and you shouldn't be marrying her (yet) if you're feeling this kind of tension in the relationship.

[RWhiz]

What could I do to fix this?

A new chick, they're half of the population, you don't need this crap.

[Redheart14]

Do you think this is stemming from the proposal disaster you previously posted about? Just wondering if this is frustration from that being projected. I agree with Kitty09, you need to be open and honest with how you feel about this.

[Shauny]

It probably is, but this has been going on before that. It just got worse after the proposal

[Shauny]

I'm thinking about turning cold myself. If I don't give her the attention she wants, perhaps she'll start thinking more about why I'm upset with her. I'll have to talk to her but we're very limited on time rn. She comes in July though.

[kittyo9]

I'm thinking about turning cold myself. If I don't give her the attention she wants, perhaps she'll start thinking more about why I'm upset with her. I'll have to talk to her but we're very limited on time rn. She comes in July though.

This is literally the opposite of a functional relationship. It's immature behavior that I guarantee will make your relationship worse in the long run. Yes to the talking, no to the manipulative bs you just suggested here.

[ldrhealer]

Agree with kittyo9 and above replies, don't play her game, that will probably escalate the problem. Talking about your feelings and the situation with her is the way to go. Next time she responds to you annoyingly, catch her out and be an adult about it. You could try saying something like "you said it again, i don't appreciate the way you talk back to me because it makes me feel....etc the more you do it the more it makes me not like being around you... " things like that, but if it breaks out in an argument then at least she knows. Also its a good idea to get to the bottom of why she is being cold towards you... is there something else going on with her? Maybe its not just you but you are the easiest and closest person to her that she can attack (or use as a punching bag) as bad as that sounds. Honestly once you get to the bottom of it and she knows how you feel about it, you can then both do something about it. Hope this helps!

[Shauny]

Thanks for the advice. I let her know and when she brought it up again I told her she said it. Brought up the "how would you like it" conversion and it seems to work. Hopefully she'll bit a bit more careful about what she says in the future.