Need advice on my LDR :(

[Jane555]

Hello. I need some advice if somebody would kindly like to help me.

So here is the story: So I moved to London about 3 years ago, where I met my bf and now we have been together 2 years. We are both Irish and as I hated my job and was tired of the constant rat race in London, I moved home to Ireland around 6 weeks ago but my bf is still in London and we have agreed to a long distance relationship for now. My plan is to move back to London when I find a suitable job.

Anyway, I decided to go to London last weekend to visit my BF. He had his work summer party that Friday night so I went to his apartment first and then he arrived there at about 11pm after the party. I saw he was being very secretive with his phone and was getting lots of messages and acting weird with me, so I pretended I was just joking with him and grabbed the phone off him (I've never done that before but this time my gut was telling me something wasn't right)! Then I saw on his phone he was texting his friend from Ireland about this girl Sarah he was seeing from work before we started dating, which would have been over 2 years ago, but he told me they stopped seeing eachother as there was no spark and it was completely awkward at work because she wasn't happy the way things ended, so they barely spoke 2 words to eachother.

So the message said "OMG lad, you know that girl Sarah I was seeing before, I think I've rekindled things with her tonight at my work summer party, I've opened a can of worms now, what is wrong with me lad''. When I saw that message my heart actually broke as he was the first man I've ever fell in love with and I trusted him with my life. I just didn't expect it! When I said it to him we had a massive fight and then he broke down and he said ''That message sounds terrible and I'm so sorry but I hadn't texted my friend from home in ages and us lads can sometimes put on an act to pretend we are the hard men. I was talking to Sarah at the party as she came up to me and my friend and I didn't want to walk away and be even more awkward. I said those things to my friend to appear cool and like I was the hard man, lads go on with a lot of rubbish talk like that and it was stupid of me, I shoudn't have done it ". Do lads really put on an act and make up rubbish to impress their friends, from a guys point of view??? The next day he started shaking he was so sad as I told him it was over and he said '' I'm so annoyed with myself because now you're going to throw 2 years of an amazing relationship away over a stupid text that I completely dramatised just as a brovado act'' and I told him yes I am because I have no proof, I only have your words to go by and it was a completely disrespectful thing to say to your friend, as if I wasn't even in the picture anymore. He was shaking so bad and said i'm just so angry with myself because I knew I meant nothing by it but obviously that's hard for you to see''.

Can somebody give me some advice please, long distance is so difficult . Many thanks for your help in advance !!

[Harlequin]

Honestly, he shot himself in the foot regardless of whether he's telling you the truth or not. I know I personally wouldn't believe my husband if he did the same thing, and my husband wouldn't send a text like that unless he meant it. I have no idea if that's what "lads" do, but that's definitely not something adults should do.
From here, it's up to you if you want to believe him and try to make it work, or if you just want to kick him to the curb. If you're willing to give it a shot and try to make it work, it's going to take a lot of patience and trust building again, and the hurt he caused may not go away for a while, if ever. That is going to be an added difficulty on top of the long distance, so keep that in mind. Kicking him to the curb is also going to come with a lot of heartache and time to get over it, so it's going to be a bumpy road for a bit regardless of the path you take.
I would leave, and I would expect my husband to do the same if I was sending those sorts of messages. But, it's your relationship. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it or not.

[Jane555]

Honestly, he shot himself in the foot regardless of whether he's telling you the truth or not. I know I personally wouldn't believe my husband if he did the same thing, and my husband wouldn't send a text like that unless he meant it. I have no idea if that's what "lads" do, but that's definitely not something adults should do.
From here, it's up to you if you want to believe him and try to make it work, or if you just want to kick him to the curb. If you're willing to give it a shot and try to make it work, it's going to take a lot of patience and trust building again, and the hurt he caused may not go away for a while, if ever. That is going to be an added difficulty on top of the long distance, so keep that in mind. Kicking him to the curb is also going to come with a lot of heartache and time to get over it, so it's going to be a bumpy road for a bit regardless of the path you take.
I would leave, and I would expect my husband to do the same if I was sending those sorts of messages. But, it's your relationship. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it or not.

Ya you are right. it's extremely disrespectful if nothing else. And the trust is gone now. Now I'm over thinking everything and he should be mature enough at the age of 30 to not have to put on an act like that in front of his friends. He has always had long term relationships which worries me too as I feel like he has never experienced the single life and he hasn't got that out of his system. Actually heart broken but something much worse could happen down the Road if I stay with him so I guess it's best to end things.

Thank you so much for your help

[Rezie]

I'm not claiming to be an expert on "lockeroom talk" or being lad (being woman and all). But his message was way too emotional and specific to be acting like a hard guy.
"OMG lad, you know that girl Sarah I was seeing before, I think I've rekindled things with her tonight at my work summer party, I've opened a can of worms now, what is wrong with me lad" <--- this is an emotional message. "Sarah looks hot tonight. I'd tap that" <---- juvenile, innapropriate but more laddish trying to be cool message.

To be honest, I doubt anything physical happend between him and Sarah. Based on the message it sound like he "noticed" her and flirted heavily and enjoyed it so had to report to his friend. Maybe he slightly over dramatized but i do think he meant the core of it. I think this is something that can be worked through if you feel like you can trust him, but I can't balme you if you don't. I'm slightly worried that a 30yo needs to sound cool to his friends.