BF not able to be my date due to family thing.

[Rezie]

Hello friends. I'm hoping you guys can give me perspective and hopefully due to LDR you can understand where I'm coming from.

Ok, so my boyfriend's dad had pre-scheduled orthopaedic surgery. It got postponed quite a few times but he finally had it few days ago. My boyfriend drove to see him and when he was going out he said that he might also have to go next weekend. I offered to go with him this weekend but we discussed and figured that less people in the hospital room right after surgery might be better.

next weekend we should go to my best friends wedding in my home country. My boyfriend would fly back after the wedding and then we planned on meeting in a third country the next weekend and stay there for a few days and get back home together.

Him coming with me to the wedding is important to me. We were in LDR for a long time and he hasn't been able to join me in any celebrations before. I'd love to not have to go alone again and sit on my own making small talk to strangers. He doesn't really like social gatherings and only does the ones involving family (havent had any big ones after closing distance) so I was looking forward to having him there and being a "couple".

I guess I need perspective. I feel like the biggest jerk for thinking about telling him that I want him to travel with me for the wedding. His dad is in a hospital! But it's a pre-scheduled surgery, I would be supportive about this If it was a heart attack or something sudden/serious/emergency. I guess one factor in this is that I've worked in ortho before so I know the surgery and recovery. I would rather skip the third country holiday, but that is not for another 2 weeks. Or suggest that he takes his remaining annual leave after the wedding and goes to see his dad and explains at work that there is a medical issue in the family.

We will have to talk when he gets back. I know I'm coming across as a horrible person but I can't help my feelings. Should I keep my disappointment to myself and just be supportive if he wants to skip the wedding? Or could i offer the alternatives like him taking few days post wedding or skipping the other holiday and sharing how I feel?

When you've had to attend things alone for years (while in a relationship) and had to go along with the jokes about "fake boyfriend" when he is not with you, these things become bigger. Especially now that we live away from my home, it would mean a lot not to going home together. But his dad had fricking surgery so I should be more sympathetic.

[autumn1790]

I can relate so much. Now that he's in the US, it's so aggravating that we still don't do coupley things together. We have not spent one holiday together in the almost year he has been here, except for birthdays and our anniversary. He won't be coming for the 4th of July due to work. So I definitely feel your pain. :P However, I do see his point of view. I don't think I would want to go to my SO's friend's wedding if I didn't know them and my father was in the hospital, whether that was planned or not. If you've worked in healthcare, you know things can go south at any time, even after a minor procedure...so it's easy to see why he would want to be there. I think you should try to take the high road and put him first in this situation, but you can trash my opinion if you like.

[Rezie]

I had written a response, but I feel like I'm coming of very wrong in the written form. I'll close this thread. I know the first message gives a bad image of the situation but it was written in an emotional state. Now that sanity has arised I can move on from this and have perspective.