Difficulty with LDR
This guy and I are in love with one another. He just got out of an 8 year LDR last December, but then he met me and things progressed a bit too quickly. We get along so well, he says he loves our unique relationship and that it's so comfortable to talk to each other, and he wished he met me earlier. He wanted to slow things down (to heal and build our friendship), but I think I pressured him into continuing to let things progressed.
Throughout our "relationship", we got into dumb arguments (regarding relationships and healing) because he felt like I wasn't giving him time to heal. I felt absolutely devastated as I really did not have that intention--but was rather passionate and excited about being together with him in the future. (I did slow down after many arguments) He said that he really did not want to get into another LDR, but since meeting me, he thought he could give it another shot. However, In addition to the unintended pressure and fights, things between the fight never settled and it built up to the point where things got too complicated and he decided he just wanted to be friends. (this just happened a day ago)
He told me that while he is in love with me, he does not have the energy and mentality to get into another LDR (and most likely never, but then he was like "I can't do one right now." and it fluctuates between those two reasons!! I know he's emotional atm and cannot think clearly about what he wants as things DO change. I'm reading WAY too much into everything he says AND IT' S DRIVING ME CRAZY).
He just wants to be friends for now. He said that the current pathway we were going down would cause him to lose me permanently and he would rather be friends than not have me in his life. I told him I would be willing to wait, but he does not want the pressure and does not want to ask that of me. Afterwards, we talked like friends again, but it deeply pains me.
We talked the day after and he said he was sorry and that he was hurt. He says he loves me but right now is not a good time and that for now I should not be hopeful for anything. He told me in the beginning he hoped we would be friends for many years and that when the time was right, we would be able to get together. NOW WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, I'm hoping that we could rebuild our friendship and foundation and that something could blossom from there in the future.
I know he's not looking for anyone and that he's still healing. He keeps saying "__for now" and it kind of makes me hopeful like "oh! something COULD happen."
On another note, I know we aren't in a relationship, but I feel really sad when I think about how he could meet someone and that he now gets to meet girls and flirt (despite him not doing it before) because we still love each other. It's just the distance...
honestly I'm an emotional wreck right now and we use to have a joke where he was my therapist and we could always talk about anything. That was one of the reasons why we loved being together. But now we are just friends (despite him telling me I could talk to him about anything because he loves helping and supporting me), but I just feel so broken.
I'm devastated that all of this is due to distance. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I already miss him so much and I don't know how to cope as we did almost everything together. He's taking it better than I am (obviously since he wanted this), and it pains me that things seem better this way. I want him to be a part of my life and vice versa, and i mentioned that I was scared that by being friends, he would lose romantic feelings for me and just think of me as a friend but he told me he definitely does not think of me as "just a friend" and that he really just can't do anything due to the distance and how complicated things are.
He said he felt like he was making the biggest mistake but he's not happy where we were and it was too complicated.
(NOTE: before everything got this bad, he was a bit hopeful about a LDR with me. we just had to slow down and let things and time take its course. However, It kept progressing and progressing and progressing with arguments and fights and not letting things settle and heal to the point where we just decided to be friends and now he's like I really don't think I can do it. I blame myself as I should have slowed WAY WAY DOWN and try not to have insecure and stupid arguments. I mean was there ANY way I could have prevented this?)
I'm a mess right now and it's useless to make sense of all of this. I'm just trying to stay positive and move on, but I can't help being hopeful.
Please help as I don't want to cry my heart out and be a mess over this. Should I have a little hope? None? Do I just simply move on and forget everything?
Throughout our "relationship", we got into dumb arguments (regarding relationships and healing) because he felt like I wasn't giving him time to heal. I felt absolutely devastated as I really did not have that intention--but was rather passionate and excited about being together with him in the future. (I did slow down after many arguments) He said that he really did not want to get into another LDR, but since meeting me, he thought he could give it another shot. However, In addition to the unintended pressure and fights, things between the fight never settled and it built up to the point where things got too complicated and he decided he just wanted to be friends. (this just happened a day ago)
He told me that while he is in love with me, he does not have the energy and mentality to get into another LDR (and most likely never, but then he was like "I can't do one right now." and it fluctuates between those two reasons!! I know he's emotional atm and cannot think clearly about what he wants as things DO change. I'm reading WAY too much into everything he says AND IT' S DRIVING ME CRAZY).
He just wants to be friends for now. He said that the current pathway we were going down would cause him to lose me permanently and he would rather be friends than not have me in his life. I told him I would be willing to wait, but he does not want the pressure and does not want to ask that of me. Afterwards, we talked like friends again, but it deeply pains me.
We talked the day after and he said he was sorry and that he was hurt. He says he loves me but right now is not a good time and that for now I should not be hopeful for anything. He told me in the beginning he hoped we would be friends for many years and that when the time was right, we would be able to get together. NOW WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, I'm hoping that we could rebuild our friendship and foundation and that something could blossom from there in the future.
I know he's not looking for anyone and that he's still healing. He keeps saying "__for now" and it kind of makes me hopeful like "oh! something COULD happen."
On another note, I know we aren't in a relationship, but I feel really sad when I think about how he could meet someone and that he now gets to meet girls and flirt (despite him not doing it before) because we still love each other. It's just the distance...
honestly I'm an emotional wreck right now and we use to have a joke where he was my therapist and we could always talk about anything. That was one of the reasons why we loved being together. But now we are just friends (despite him telling me I could talk to him about anything because he loves helping and supporting me), but I just feel so broken.
I'm devastated that all of this is due to distance. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I already miss him so much and I don't know how to cope as we did almost everything together. He's taking it better than I am (obviously since he wanted this), and it pains me that things seem better this way. I want him to be a part of my life and vice versa, and i mentioned that I was scared that by being friends, he would lose romantic feelings for me and just think of me as a friend but he told me he definitely does not think of me as "just a friend" and that he really just can't do anything due to the distance and how complicated things are.
He said he felt like he was making the biggest mistake but he's not happy where we were and it was too complicated.
(NOTE: before everything got this bad, he was a bit hopeful about a LDR with me. we just had to slow down and let things and time take its course. However, It kept progressing and progressing and progressing with arguments and fights and not letting things settle and heal to the point where we just decided to be friends and now he's like I really don't think I can do it. I blame myself as I should have slowed WAY WAY DOWN and try not to have insecure and stupid arguments. I mean was there ANY way I could have prevented this?)
I'm a mess right now and it's useless to make sense of all of this. I'm just trying to stay positive and move on, but I can't help being hopeful.
Please help as I don't want to cry my heart out and be a mess over this. Should I have a little hope? None? Do I just simply move on and forget everything?