Hi everyone. I am currently pretty new to this site and I am also currently in a pickle. With some luck, maybe someone can advise me on how I can solve my problem. I apologize in advance, it is a rather complicated predicament to explain but please, if you would bear with me, I would really appreciate the help and advice.
First off, here is the situation: I am 18 years old and have been dating my girlfriend long distance for about 5 months now starting in mid February. I met her through an LGBTQ dating blog on Tumblr and she is also 18. I am also a girl (this does not have anything to do with my problem however). About a month or so into getting to know my new girlfriend (early April), my mom found out about her and I and clearly stated she did not want me to be in a long distance relationship and told me to stop talking to her. Her reasons being that I should try dating someone closer (which I have had no luck with) and that my girlfriend could be someone other than who she says she is. However, being stubborn myself, I was not willing to give up so easily. Since then, I have continued to contact my girlfriend and we have stayed together, very happily so. I know for a fact my girlfriend is who she says she is; I have spoken with her mother (who is very supportive of us), seen Facebook photos, Instagram pictures, constant back and forth snapchats, and we Skype almost every night etc. In June, I actually met her on a vacation with my friend and her boyfriend without my mother knowing. She was everything I thought she would be and I ended up liking her a lot more than I originally had anticipated. Therefore, I believe I need to do the responsible thing and tell my own mother about this; about how happy I am and how happy this girl makes me while also admitting to her that I have lied.
As a side note, there is nothing wrong with this girl either. She has a job, interested in acting, can take care of herself, does not smoke/drink, and does not do drugs. Her only fault is that she just so happens to live 15 hours away. She is the type of girl that I know my mom would 100% approve of, should she live closer.
There is just one simple problem: my mother is a very prideful person and I know that she will a) be very upset I continued to talk my girlfriend against her command and b) continue her arguememt that my girlfriend is not who she says she is. I understand in all aspects her concerns for me. I do have the necessary proof to show her that my girlfriend is who she says she is and my girlfriend’s mom is also very willing to talk with my mother as well. My girlfriend and her mom are also willing to show ID and birth certificates if need be.
The issue will be getting my mom to understand where I am coming from, that I really like this girl and that she really likes me. As cheesy as it sounds, I can genuinely visualize a future with her. On the contrary, my mother is notorious for not wanting to understand something if she does not agree with it. She is also know for being a very controlling person (diagnosed by a therapist we saw a few years ago). In addition, she refuses to admit she is wrong even when she knows she is wrong.
When I first started talking to my girlfriend in February, I told my step dad about her first and he seemed fine with it, if even a little disinterested like it was no big deal. My best friend has been talking and getting to know my girlfriend as well and believes she is genuinely a good person, especially in comparison to some of my exes. My 13 year old brother (who is a surprisingly good judge of character for his age) has spoken with my girlfriend dozens of times and likes her very much. There is truly nothing wrong with her, and I would not even consider bringing it up to my mom if this girl did not mean a whole lot to me. I was even considering bringing it up to my step dad again and asking him if he would be willing to Skype with my girlfriend before I bring it up to mom. Does this seem like a good idea?
Now begs the question: how do you feel as though I should approach this? Undoubtly, my mother is going to freak out and I know that there will be no avoiding that. Basically this is a battle of, “how to make someone understand something they do not want to understand”? I even considered doing an “intervention” type conversation where my step dad (if he were willing to assist), my friend, and my brother all sit down and talk to my mom about my girlfriend. I would obviously have to admit what I did, which I know is going to be the hardest part for my mom to look past. If things were going well, I would Skype my girlfriend and she and her mother could appease any concerns of my mom’s.
I know that since I am 18, my mother technically does not truly have the final say anymore, but this girl means enough to me for me to want my mom’s approval. I also know my mom will not kick me out or anything of that nature. A lot of what this is, is going to be putting my foot down in front of my mom for the first time. But I want to do it in a way that will make her understand where I am coming from, where my feelings are at, and how I really feel about this girl.
I apologize for the really LONG post everyone, but I felt I had to explain the whole thing to get the best advice. Your comments are greatly appreciated and I thank you for the time you took to help me. Have a good one everybody!
Sincerely,
-Wolf
P.S.- I will also be paying for my own phone bill by the time I tell her about this so she cannot take that away from me if things go badly
First off, here is the situation: I am 18 years old and have been dating my girlfriend long distance for about 5 months now starting in mid February. I met her through an LGBTQ dating blog on Tumblr and she is also 18. I am also a girl (this does not have anything to do with my problem however). About a month or so into getting to know my new girlfriend (early April), my mom found out about her and I and clearly stated she did not want me to be in a long distance relationship and told me to stop talking to her. Her reasons being that I should try dating someone closer (which I have had no luck with) and that my girlfriend could be someone other than who she says she is. However, being stubborn myself, I was not willing to give up so easily. Since then, I have continued to contact my girlfriend and we have stayed together, very happily so. I know for a fact my girlfriend is who she says she is; I have spoken with her mother (who is very supportive of us), seen Facebook photos, Instagram pictures, constant back and forth snapchats, and we Skype almost every night etc. In June, I actually met her on a vacation with my friend and her boyfriend without my mother knowing. She was everything I thought she would be and I ended up liking her a lot more than I originally had anticipated. Therefore, I believe I need to do the responsible thing and tell my own mother about this; about how happy I am and how happy this girl makes me while also admitting to her that I have lied.
As a side note, there is nothing wrong with this girl either. She has a job, interested in acting, can take care of herself, does not smoke/drink, and does not do drugs. Her only fault is that she just so happens to live 15 hours away. She is the type of girl that I know my mom would 100% approve of, should she live closer.
There is just one simple problem: my mother is a very prideful person and I know that she will a) be very upset I continued to talk my girlfriend against her command and b) continue her arguememt that my girlfriend is not who she says she is. I understand in all aspects her concerns for me. I do have the necessary proof to show her that my girlfriend is who she says she is and my girlfriend’s mom is also very willing to talk with my mother as well. My girlfriend and her mom are also willing to show ID and birth certificates if need be.
The issue will be getting my mom to understand where I am coming from, that I really like this girl and that she really likes me. As cheesy as it sounds, I can genuinely visualize a future with her. On the contrary, my mother is notorious for not wanting to understand something if she does not agree with it. She is also know for being a very controlling person (diagnosed by a therapist we saw a few years ago). In addition, she refuses to admit she is wrong even when she knows she is wrong.
When I first started talking to my girlfriend in February, I told my step dad about her first and he seemed fine with it, if even a little disinterested like it was no big deal. My best friend has been talking and getting to know my girlfriend as well and believes she is genuinely a good person, especially in comparison to some of my exes. My 13 year old brother (who is a surprisingly good judge of character for his age) has spoken with my girlfriend dozens of times and likes her very much. There is truly nothing wrong with her, and I would not even consider bringing it up to my mom if this girl did not mean a whole lot to me. I was even considering bringing it up to my step dad again and asking him if he would be willing to Skype with my girlfriend before I bring it up to mom. Does this seem like a good idea?
Now begs the question: how do you feel as though I should approach this? Undoubtly, my mother is going to freak out and I know that there will be no avoiding that. Basically this is a battle of, “how to make someone understand something they do not want to understand”? I even considered doing an “intervention” type conversation where my step dad (if he were willing to assist), my friend, and my brother all sit down and talk to my mom about my girlfriend. I would obviously have to admit what I did, which I know is going to be the hardest part for my mom to look past. If things were going well, I would Skype my girlfriend and she and her mother could appease any concerns of my mom’s.
I know that since I am 18, my mother technically does not truly have the final say anymore, but this girl means enough to me for me to want my mom’s approval. I also know my mom will not kick me out or anything of that nature. A lot of what this is, is going to be putting my foot down in front of my mom for the first time. But I want to do it in a way that will make her understand where I am coming from, where my feelings are at, and how I really feel about this girl.
I apologize for the really LONG post everyone, but I felt I had to explain the whole thing to get the best advice. Your comments are greatly appreciated and I thank you for the time you took to help me. Have a good one everybody!
Sincerely,
-Wolf
P.S.- I will also be paying for my own phone bill by the time I tell her about this so she cannot take that away from me if things go badly
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