Is my Filipina girlfriend legit or a scammer?

[alex97]

So I have been communicating with a Filipina recently, and for the relatively long duration that I have been in touch with her, she seems quite legit to me. However, I’ve heard about the numerous online dating scam horror stories, especially concerning the Philippines, so I have compiled some key points of our communication below, and hope that this would help in determining ing if I’ve found myself a keeper or only somebody who’s using and scamming me.

Key events

• Feb 23 2017: Accepted friend request, said hi to each other (well, she said “Thanks” as soon as I’ve accepted it, then I ask why, and she says for accepting her friend request, and then apologises for bothering me
• Nov 23 2017: She reinitiates communication with me (after exactly 9 months, probably Facebook reminded her of the friend request as a memory?)
• Dec 23 2017: She stated that she receives many messages from strangers, and finds it weird, also tells me that some of her friends lost their virginity at a younger age, but that she’s still a virgin at 20
• Feb 04 2018: She said “I love you”, but stated explicitly that we’re only friends, said that she told her mom on that day about me, she die friend-zone me before
• May 05 2018: She professes love, but keep in mind that we still communicated almost daily until then
• May 07 2018: We decide to officially take things further by entering a long-distance relationship, until that day, we got to know well each other for almost 6 months in texting on an almost daily basis as friends
• May 14 2018: She says that “I still need to marry her”, but considering that we almost talked every day since November (for almost 6 months as friends), I can see where she’s coming from, as she probably had those thoughts all along, but couldn’t tell me as we were just friends until May 07 2018
• May 15 2018: I am being an idiot and rush into talks about marriage, she says that we’re too young to have a family and that she wants “to take care of me first”, seems that she’s not in a rush about marriage
• Jun 01 2018: I ask if she wants to visit me in London, but she hesitates, and asks if I am “prepared financially”, asking me if it won’t cause me too many difficulties to buy her the tickets (I’ve offered to buy them, she’ll cover the visa, and I’ll buy the tickets and then email them to her in order to minimise scam risk, no direct money transfer)
• Jun 02 2018: She told me that her mom will treat her to a trip to Paris after graduation, and that her mom cannot be with her, so she asked me if I can go instead, I agreed
• Jun 12 2018: She mentions tuition increases, but doesn’t demand any money and says that she’ll “find ways”, and in the end says that her dad helped
• Jun 20 2018: We talk about London again, she again brings up the fact that she doesn’t want me to spend money on her, and tells me that I should rather “use it for university”, and that she’ll just come next year then, I refuse and say that I’ll still organise everything
• Jul 20 2018: I agree with her to see each other at least twice a year, we talk about me visiting her in the Philippines next year, she’s asking me to come with my family such that our families can meet

Good signs

• I know her family, as I spoke and chatted with her sister on the phone, and video called with her little nephew next to her too, although I did message her mom on Facebook, but she did not reply (probably due to the conservative nature of Kuwaitis, as she didn’t meet me face-to-face yet)
• We text daily, and try to video call daily too, she usually wants to video call with me
• She gave me her university email and 2 personal emails, and phone numbers for both her phones, as well as her 2 Facebook and IG accounts (apparently, the 2nd account she needs due to her senior student position in her university)
• I googled her and found nothing suspicious, besides some comments on posts mentioning her on music and movie stuff
• The dean of her department of her university is her friend on Facebook, and he posts quite often about department-related stuff
• After mutually agreeing, she added all of my immediate family members on Facebook, I did the same
• We're both 20, so there is no age gap
• We used to be friends, and only after getting to know each other for half a year through daily messaging professed love to each other
• She seems to not want me to spend too much money and concentrate more on university then on her
• Her Facebook profile goes way back to before 2010, and she always posts pics with her family and friends, and gets tagged by her friends in posts

Red flags

• She couldn’t give me her address with a house number, is it normal that Filipino postal addresses can just be without any house numbers and street only? I heard provincial ones can be, she didn’t know her address, and had to ask her sister because she lived at her place back then
• She doesn’t want to set her relationship status to “In a relationship”, apparently because one of her instructors has a really negative stigma towards boyfriends as the instructor doesn’t have one herself, and because she and her friends all promised to each other to graduate without boyfriend, but nonetheless, she used to have “Single” as her relationship status until a few days ago, and when I’ve told her that it bothers me, she immediately complied and hid her status, just as we’ve agreed
• Apparently, she has received a notification that she is invited into the consulate because her passport is almost ready and I’ve told her to send me that notification, however, upon asking her 3 times, she forgot each time, which might be probably because recently, she’s really stressed-out by her thesis (since it got assigned, she cannot talk with me as often as she used to, but I get her)
• She has no house, as her dad lives in accommodation provided by a factory, and her mom lives in Kuwait, and she’s in a student dorm right now

So what do you think?

I would be thankful for any answers before I’d continue investing (mentally, emotionally and financially) into this relationship. I really do hope that I can take it further with her, as she’s really easy to talk to and an awesome girl from what I can tell!

[lelyta]

Since she seems struggling about money and you seem worried that she may scam you if you supported her finance to visit you. Why don't you go to visit her in Ph instead? So that way you can see how she lives and can decide if she's a scammer or not??

[drowyan]

Shake your conscience what this actually said. I hope you'll understand better what to do. Thank you!

[Lio]

[*]Nov 23 2017: She reinitiates communication with me (after exactly 9 months, probably Facebook reminded her of the friend request as a memory?)

Facebook does it every year for friendship anniversary. Not after 6 months or 8 or 9 or 10.

[*]May 07 2018: We decide to officially take things further by entering a long-distance relationship, until that day, we got to know well each other for almost 6 months in texting on an almost daily basis as friends[*]May 14 2018: She says that “I still need to marry her”, but considering that we almost talked every day since November (for almost 6 months as friends), I can see where she’s coming from, as she probably had those thoughts all along, but couldn’t tell me as we were just friends until May 07 2018[*]May 15 2018: I am being an idiot and rush into talks about marriage, she says that we’re too young to have a family and that she wants “to take care of me first”, seems that she’s not in a rush about marriage

You shouldn't talk about marriage before the first meeting. You never know how it will happen. You seem to be willing to visit Philippines first, but keep in mind that meeting in real life is different from chatting and calling.

• She couldn’t give me her address with a house number, is it normal that Filipino postal addresses can just be without any house numbers and street only? I heard provincial ones can be, she didn’t know her address, and had to ask her sister because she lived at her place back then
• She doesn’t want to set her relationship status to “In a relationship”, apparently because one of her instructors has a really negative stigma towards boyfriends as the instructor doesn’t have one herself, and because she and her friends all promised to each other to graduate without boyfriend, but nonetheless, she used to have “Single” as her relationship status until a few days ago, and when I’ve told her that it bothers me, she immediately complied and hid her status, just as we’ve agreed
• Apparently, she has received a notification that she is invited into the consulate because her passport is almost ready and I’ve told her to send me that notification, however, upon asking her 3 times, she forgot each time, which might be probably because recently, she’s really stressed-out by her thesis (since it got assigned, she cannot talk with me as often as she used to, but I get her)
• She has no house, as her dad lives in accommodation provided by a factory, and her mom lives in Kuwait, and she’s in a student dorm right now

• A few years ago, I had a crush for a Philippines girl, living in Lapu-Lapu, in the south of Philippines. I sent her a postcard. She told me it was better to send it at the school where she is working, because it had more chances to arrive than at her house. It took some weeks to get there. It wasn't a red flag for me. But about your situation, it could be a red flag because let's suppose that you'll sleep at her place. You'll have to fill the address on the immigration/customs form and on the arrival card. If she doesn't provide you any address, how will you do ?
• Not a red flag to me. I understand that you want to "officialize" it, but a Facebook status isn't that important. The most important is you both trust your feelings for each other. Personally, I prefer changing this status after the first time meeting.
• I don't really get the reason why you want her to send you this notification. Once her passport will be ready, she'll go to the consulate to get it.
• Where would you stay ?

To me, the only red flag is about her place. Otherwise, I don't think she is a scammer. I hope this helps you. Good luck.

[maple]

From what you've said so far, she does not seem like a scammer.

[QueenReginaMills]

I think she's who she says she is. Her Facebook profile sounds well established, with people on her friends list who know her in person, you've had video chat with her...A scam profile would more likely be quite a new one with not that many friends, no one obvious who's related or a schoolfriend or any other person she might know in real life, always some excuse for not being able to phone or video chat, likely to have asked for money or iTunes cards by now...

[Rezie]

Based on the information I doubt you are getting catfished. But for some reason the contradictions such as "I love you" and insisting on being friends. Strangers contacting eventhough she contacted you as a stranger (?) And talking about you should.marry her but the saying you're too young. It does make me wonder on if you are the only one she is talking to and how genuine her feelings are?

I'd try to travel there asap of you have finances (without your parenta) and cool down the marriage talk.

[Annah Marie DC]

The best thing to do is visit her in person. I understood her side, I used to be like that due to the conservative societal pressure around me (lovelife will distract your career)- from my family, school colleagues, etc. I was still in the middle of my college years when I met and got into a relationship with my american boyfriend, but I managed it to prove his sincerity. Our big problem at that time was my strict family. Fast forward, all throughout our LDR, we communicated daily and he had even seen all my emotional breakdowns. When I was stressed out with my thesis (imagine mine was individual and not by group), my fiance was always there to cheer me up. But of course, I still have my time alone for myself. Time alone is healthy for a couple for them to grow. After I graduated, I became so open about our relationship now, and I'm happy that people are accepting us positively. Your girlfriend might still be confused or scared. Speaking about the address, yes that can be true especially if she's living in the province (It sucks. :/) . Don't send any money yet unless if you have known her that much already in person over a certain period of time, that's how you can test her credibility. FIRST STEP: See her in person, and be sure to show respect.

I hope this helps!