Communication with My SO

[Bee4533]

My German Guy and i have been talking for a little over 2 months we have never met and have only been messaging no phone calls or video chats yet. The first month we chatted almost everyday. At the beginning of July we had a miss understanding due to how i typed a message. The next day he said we were ok and we talked a little then he ignored me for a week. When he finally messaged me after i told him if he didn’t want to talk to me just tell me he said he was busy. Since then we have talked at least three times a week. Him messaging me first and sometime me messaging him first were he would eventually message me back when he had time that day or maybe the next morning. This week he messaged me first Monday morning we had a good conversation about what each other did on the weekend and some other things. We ended with him telling me “ok babe my lunch is over talk to you” and i haven’t heard from him since. I asked how his day had been on Thursday and yesterday i asked if everything was ok. He read the messages but i haven’t heard anything. I can see he has got on the app we use many times (it’s hard for me not check this). I’m not sure at this point what to really think or say. I mean i guess we are more friends right now since we haven’t met yet. I’m also not quite sure how the German culture is. I have heard they work a lot so maybe he is that busy? I unfortunately overthink way to much so is it just me overthinking or is he really ignoring me? I’m really trying not to worry.

[ldrhealer]

I think communication is not so much about his culture (being a german guy) but more about the intent. Having not met eachother yet, its hard to build trust and establish commitment unless you have define your relationship. As you are still in the early phases, best to find out more about his daily life, weekly schedules, when he prefers to talk, text etc. Cos if you knew all of this information, it would reduce your tendency to overthink or feelings of insecurity about him. He could be busy, alot of people read their notifications but don't respond until they are ready. Maybe give him a week - usually its enough time to be patient for a response but if you dont get one, send a follow up message. Keep testing him maybe for a month if you really like him and see what his tendencies are with responding to you. If you feel its really lacking and you havent set the expectation with him how often you would like to reply to keep you in check, then you'll have to question whether hes genuinely interested in moving forward with you.

[maple]

Communication is very important, and so you should make your expectations clear to him. Yes, people can get busy but if he wanted to, he could message you when eating, right before sleeping, or some other time - there is always at least a little bit of time if someone wants to do something. Let him know that you expect more communication, at least just a short message that he'll be busy for how long or something like that.