Making the communication meaningful

[2Rocky]

Heading into another 10 month time period of Long distance with a weekend visits every 30-60 days, I 'm confronted by the tendancy for our texts and phone calls to become more frequent and less meaningful. It takes away from me using my time to its fullest extent.

What are your thoughts and strategies for keeping the communication meaningful?

[Redheart14]

There’s heaps of suggestions the admin of this forum has here https://www.lovingfromadistance.com/...drcouplestodo/
Number 3 is 100 meaningful questions to ask your partner. I’ve used this (prior to closing the distance) and found it very useful.

[kittyo9]

Sometimes when I feel like our conversations are getting kind of shallow, I ask if we can just spend a while talking, with no distractions-- no looking at facebook or youtube or anything, just being present with one another. Sometimes we're quiet ('cause we're tired) but other times it leads to really interesting discussions about our thoughts and feelings and perceptions. I also ask to have a "date night" from time to time where we might have dinner together on webcam and then spend the evening just talking, maybe showing each other videos or something, but generally trying to pay attention to one another first. It always makes me feel closer to him and I know he enjoys it as well. We almost always spend way longer than anticipated talking to one another, and it's always a pleasant surprise.

[maple]

Also depends on what you consider "meaningful" with my boyfriend and I, the small regular updates like what we had for lunch or how the weather is are still meaningful because it helps us understand what/how the other is living

[2Rocky]

Kitty is on the right track. I hate when either one of us is doing something else when we are talking on the phone...I'm guilty of it too.

I'd like to finish every conversation with the feeling that we each did something that day to get closer to closing the distance. But at the same time not feel like we were having a "Status meeting"

After 60 consecutive days of face to face (and body to body) time it is tough getting back into actually communicating in the limited time, expressing that we miss each other without acting NEEDY, and not starting a pity party emotional spiral.

There are also topics that we have each elected not to bring up with each other. For me, my Finances and child support adjustment negotiations is not something I want to concern her with. Likewise I've asked to be spared her friends' relationship drama, as well as her financial particulars for the time being....

Now if we are going to close the Distance in July 2019, we will have to have a cost division on household expenses, as well as her expenses to move.

How do I balance "Oh honey I miss you so,and by the way here is a budget for household expenses for when you get down here..."

[Redheart14]

When my husband and I were planning on closing the distance we’d set times of chats regarding closing the distance. It made our conversations for targeted at specific things we needed to discuss regarding closing the distance. If we had things we’d think of when we weren’t talking, we’d write it down and bring it up the next time we got into that discussion. It also made things run a lot smoother and forced my husband to not get distracted by talking about other things, gosh bless him. You can try that. You can always talk about other stuff after the nitty gritty is discussed too. It’s always tough and overwhelming talking about these things but there’s always things you don’t consider until you start talking about it.