I need some desperate help right now

[InLove]

So, we all know that, with any relationship, there is the element of stress. With lfads it's a lot more stress than normal. Well, I've been with my SO for a significant period of time, a year and about six-ish months. He's 17 and I'm almost 16.

He's been throwing up everyday due to the amout of stress that comes with this relationship and I'm not even sure how I've been surviving. My problem is that he's turned to weed to help. He thinks that if he gets high every month or so it's just going to help with all the stress, which may be true, but it might not work.

I'm very very very very anti-pot and he's very pro-pot. We fought for a couple hours last night and solved nothing. i need your help, how do you all deal with the stress? How do you do it, what are some things we could do instead of this stupid drug.

The stress is about a 11 on a scale of 1-10. I really need your help, is there any way to just help eliminate this stress or ignore it or something? I'll try anything.

[Karringtyn]

I have stress in my life. My kids, my job, my ex...but the amount of stress I get from my LDR is not that much. I am content in knowing I have him. I am not able to relate to this at all. If he is getting that sick because he is stressed...something is wrong. And the fact that he is turning to pot to cope...hmmm....is it an excuse?

The only advice I have is communication. You have so many good parts of your teen years you should be experiencing..and I am hoping you can see this and take care of yourself...

[loveonspeedial]

Coming from an ex drug addict, I'd be honest and tell you that I used to smoke weed 5-7 times a day, not including all the pills and whatever junk I could throw in my system daily just to cope, after a while you realize it doesn't really help. Dating my so made me realize that, I sobered up for her and every time we break up I used to run too my drug dealer and get insanely high but that didn't solve anything. Weed chills you out, for sure, makes youhungry but it's a waste of money, If your relationship is causing this much stress that isn't good..any relationship has ups and downs but relationships should be where you caan de stress and something to look forward to. sounds like you got more issues to work out. you yelling at him about smoking pot isn't gonna do anything but stress him out more and make him want to smoke more

[BluePikachu]

I've had similar arguments with my SO about him drinking and smoking and he always retorts that "it's a part of him." and my head boils over at that point haha.
Anyway.
Have you two talked about what specifically makes your LDR stressful? Start from there and build up to a steady standing point.

[annamorgan]

Okay, I get anxiety attacks to the level where I can throwup too. Also, I used to smoke weed/drink/do drugs to ease my level of stress when I was 14. It didn't, it only made things worse when I got SENT AWAY TO A 'TROUBLED TEEN' FACILITY. Yeah, it doesn't help your stress, just because you're high doesn't mean you're stress disappears, it comes right back. So unless you want to take the chance that maybe you won't be able to talk to your SO for 9 months or more (most programs are 1-2 years, actually, but I got lucky with 9 months), then I suggest you tell him to stop. And if he tells you that he's 'addicted', it's bullshit, you don't become physically addicted to weed, you just WANT to smoke. Any advice, just message me girl.

[InLove]

I've had similar arguments with my SO about him drinking and smoking and he always retorts that "it's a part of him." and my head boils over at that point haha.
Anyway.
Have you two talked about what specifically makes your LDR stressful? Start from there and build up to a steady standing point.

Yes, we have talked about what specifically about what makes it stressful. The distance is what makes it stressful. We always talk to each other and we always try to make everything work.

[LadyMarchHare]

Weed's actually known for upping anxiety, so really he's doing himself a disservice.

Relationships are about compromise and since you're against it I think you need to ask him not to smoke it for you, because obviously he's not gonna quit for himself. I'm not gonna go on a big anti-drug rant but I've smelled people who smoke pot, and they REEK. It's almost worse than the smell of cigarette smoke on people, and more times the smell is coupled with BO. I wouldn't want to be hugging and kissing on that.

As for the stress, do you know exactly what is causing the stress to be so high besides the distance? Is it school, parents, home lives, what? For you to be able to fix it, you have to be able to identify the problem(s).

[InLove]

Weed's actually known for upping anxiety, so really he's doing himself a disservice.

Relationships are about compromise and since you're against it I think you need to ask him not to smoke it for you, because obviously he's not gonna quit for himself. I'm not gonna go on a big anti-drug rant but I've smelled people who smoke pot, and they REEK. It's almost worse than the smell of cigarette smoke on people, and more times the smell is coupled with BO. I wouldn't want to be hugging and kissing on that.

As for the stress, do you know exactly what is causing the stress to be so high besides the distance? Is it school, parents, home lives, what? For you to be able to fix it, you have to be able to identify the problem(s).

The stress is the distance, plain and simple.

What I need is tips for de-stressing without going to drugs.

[Micah]

Maybe you should suggest that he go see a doctor and get on anti-anxiety medication. This way he can regulate whatever is inside of him that is making him so anxious to the point of throwing up, and in turn it will make him more relaxed when it comes to dealing with the distance. It sounds like it is something that he needs to address with a professional, whether it be a doctor or a psychiatrist, instead of resorting to drug use. If he does not want to do that, there are natural methods of dealing with stress, such as increasing exercise, yoga, or meditation. He needs to deal with the stress in a positive, proactive manner instead of growing a dependency on weed, especially if it is going to put a barrier in between the two of you.

[BrittBlaz]

Honestly, and you may not want to hear this..but I think what he is doing is very childish. It is hard to deal with people like that, especially if you love them. I know that his pot using is probably the most stressful thing of all, on top of him being so sick. I am new to my relationship but for me and Jason it seems easy because we are very secure in our relationship so there is very little stress. We argue sometimes but I have a strict no going to bed mad policy. I feel like most or 90% of all arguments can be solved before you go to bed and there is a very small window of opprotunity in which to take charge of it. If you let this go with your SO it is only going to drive you down and wear you out and you cannot let that happen. You are young and too good of a girl to let that happen to you. Tell him what he is doing is not only hurting himself but it is hurting your relationship. Any man that loves his woman would be willing to take charge of that problem and fix it.

[LadyMarchHare]

The stress is the distance, plain and simple.

What I need is tips for de-stressing without going to drugs.

No offense but it can't be just the distance. It's either that or he's just flat out not mature enough to handle it. I have to agree with positivelycynical, he needs to see a professional because there's probably more going on with him than even he realizes. Stressing out that you can't physically touch your girlfriend doesn't have you hugging the toilet constantly or resorting to recreational drug use.

[Michelle]

No offense but it can't be just the distance. It's either that or he's just flat out not mature enough to handle it. I have to agree with positivelycynical, he needs to see a professional because there's probably more going on with him than even he realizes. Stressing out that you can't physically touch your girlfriend doesn't have you hugging the toilet constantly or resorting to recreational drug use.

I agree, it's never JUST the distance. Sure, distance can exacerbate problems that already exist in a relationship, but it is never the only problem when there is this much stress.

[mynameiseric]

the best thing I can say is to communicate...and see if you can find things that bring you two closer as a couple. Talk out your problems, tell him when you're upset, sad etc and vise versa, he should do the same thing. And about the other thing I suggested, write letters, send pictures, little gifts here and there, whatever you two are comfortable with, any way you can stay in contact is great. But it is veryyyy immature to turn to pot just because you're stressed....just talk it out, take it day by day and eventually things will work out

[luna_banana]

Wow I'm really sorry to hear about that
Did you guys just become separated? Or have you been long distance for the full 1.5 years? If you just became long distance that may be the reason for all of the stress, but once you guys get used to it things should calm down. Keep in mind that a relationship with someone should be happy, and if its causing this much pain for both of you it may not be the best thing for either of you two.

The pot thing is another big problem, especially since it is adding even more tension to the relationship. I would advise against threatening to break up with him unless he stops, because he may just lie to you. How would you know? You don't see him every day. Way back before I moved and my SO and I were still together, I asked him to not smoke pot and he did it anyways and tried to lie about it in an attempt to not make me angry....well its been over a year and a half since then and I still can't trust him because of that incident. Don't give him an excuse to lie to you. Try to be a really supportive and loving girlfriend, and show him that your love is better than any drug. You can also try to lower the stress a bit by doing some of those 90 things to do from a distance on the main website, those helped my relationship a lot. Good luck to you!

[Moon]

It sounds like he's not mentally stable enough for an LDR, some people really can't deal with them. A bit of distance should never cause someone to puke everyday, his issues are bigger than that. I think this is beyond anything you can do to help de-stress him, I'm sorry to say. A little pot on occasion CAN actually be a great way to relax and take some of the anxiety away, if that's all he's doing, and it's only once a month, I'd lay off him as it isn't helping anything to fight about it. You should provide more detail to see if anyone can provide specific advice, like if you were CD before. Good luck to you.