Need someone to talk too

[zozo84300]

Me and my boyfriend are going through a hard time. I’m kind of at a loss here

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome.
What exactly is the problem?

[zozo84300]

Okay so my boyfriend wants to wait until May 2019 to live together. Or December 2019, whenever he finishes college. I want to move in with him now, he can still go to college and work. But he’s ver dependent on his parents and their decision. Unlike me, whose very independent. His parents didn’t like the idea at all about me and him moving in together, because he their child, and they baby him so much it’s crazy. So of course since they said no, he told me no. I try and help him grow up and act like and adult, but he doesn’t listen to me. I can’t wait 7-14 months to be with him. I want him now, I can’t wait any longer. It’s literally killing me. And his parents don’t even want us metting anytime soon. They want to wait 4 more months before I can see him. I get that since we haven’t met eachother in person, I shouldn’t know if I want to live with him or not yet. But me and him FaceTime 24:7. There’s not a moment when we are apart, even at school and work we have eachother on. We do everything together. I love him more that I can imagine and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And he feels the same way. So I still don’t know why he doesn’t want to start our life together as soon as possible.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I don't think putting your in laws against you is a good thing. May 2019 is not that far honestly. I think it would be more clever for the both of you to meet a few times before moving in together. His parents have reasons to worry. How old are you and your SO? you claim you're independent. Yet you sound pretty much dependent of your SO if you can't wait a few more months.

[zozo84300]

I am 19, he’s 20. And trust me I’m very independent. And I don’t depend on him, I cant wait because I want to be with him. I want to be able to touch him and love him. What we have is great, it’s amazing but we have chances to be together. And I would love to take advantage of those times.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I understand except for the sake of keeping a good relationship with your boyfriend's parents, maybe it would be good for you to consider moving in with him only in may and meeting him once meanwhile. You have all your life to spend time together. You're young. A few more months won't kill you. I used to be impatient like you to live with my fiancé. I'm actually glad I learned to know him in real before moving in together. We spent the last 3 years long distance. We have visited each other 4 times up to know (long visit of three months). We will only just close the distance next year.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I think I can understand this from all sides. I am not a patient person by nature, and I find it very difficult to wait for things, especially in my relationships. This in itself can cause problems in the long run. I get what you mean about wanting to be together now, and not wanting to wait. I would love to not have to wait for my SO either, but unfortunately our respective situations mean we have to, even though it hurts. We haven't yet met either.

I can understand your boyfriend feeling stuck in the middle between college, his parents, and you. Whatever he does, he won't please everyone. Does he still live with his parents? I can understand that he looks to them for advice and guidance, but I don't think that is a bad thing. Having said that, I also know what it's like to feel like you are dating the family as well as your boyfriend. It may be worth bearing in mind that girls mature more quickly than boys too. So, whilst you may be mentally and emotionally ready to move things forward, he may not be.

I can also understand his parents feeling anxious about their son living with someone that he hasn't yet met, and neither have they. It's worth remembering that they don't know what your relationship together is like. I imagine they are curious about you, and would like to get to know you. They are also looking out for their son. I think this can be an added issue for us nevermets when it comes to our LDRs. The many questions of the unknown.

I wonder if there is perhaps a compromise to be struck here. Is it possible for you to move into his area, either on your own, or in a flatshare? That way you are closer, seeing each other is much easier, and his parents may feel more at ease as well.
Even if you and your bf were living together, you will still be living your own lives too, so getting familiar with the area, and the people might be a good start.

I would start by talking to your boyfriend about the situation, and discuss all the options to find a way to progress things in a way that (hopefully) suits everyone. Good luck.

[Rezie]

You really shouldn't move in together before you have met a few times. Could you move to the same area on your own? I think the living together roast should wait till you meet. I think the big problem is that his parents say you shouldn't meet yet. I think you should organise a meet up on your own. You are adults.

[kerlene]

Need some advice myself

Hi. I'm new here and not quite sure how this works but here goes. I've been in a LDR for about a year now and we're getting married in August next year however I've gotten to the point where I'm not quite sure if that's even going to happen. I've never been in a LDR before but he has been more than once. Thing is that since we've been engaged he's changed. Each time I want to go out it's an issue and we end up in an argument. He says he doesn't truly trust me, I've never given him a reason not to. So I asked why marry someone you don't trust. He has had several bad relationships just like myself however I believe he hasn't let go. I'm worried now that after we get married it will only get worse. It has me really uneasy to the point where I do things and don't tell him. I'm just praying I'm not setting myself up for disaster

[Littlewhiteflower]

Don't get married to a man who does not trust you. Ask him to get counseling to fix his issues. It's just going to get worse otherwise.