Dating long diatance who is a workaholic

[Cocoabird]

Hello everyone, im new to the group and would like advice about my situation

I and my bf have known each other for almost 5yrs and we not too long ago started getting serious,(last year) where he then asked me to be his girl and thats of course when we actually had time together, until his job changed...

He works works 12hrs everyday with rare breaks, which leaves not much time together. we would see one other only once or twice a month, until i mentioned to him that it wasnt enough, since our love for one another grew i just wanted more.

We were working on seeing one another every week until recently, he was sent up to another state (nc) to clean up the hurricane damage and now we cant see each other at all. The problem is, he doeant have a set date when hes coming back and it scares me.

We talk on the phone almost everyday and text each other daily but, hes always too tired to talk much and ends up falling asleep before telling me goodnight but, my only issue is thay that we arent sure when he'll be coming back and its scary.

I know all he does is work when he isnt with me and i try to be understanding but, this relationship is so hard we barely saw one another in person and now it's never until he is back... I'm just trying to stay strong like we talk about.

Any advice to help or opinions on this?

[autumn1790]

I'm sure this really really stinks for you, but you can do this! There are people on here that are lucky to see each other once a year. The key is to not make your SO your endall in life. Do you work? Focus on work. Go out to the movies, take a walk, focus on your hobbies. Be your best independent self not dependent on someone else for your own happiness. If he's already physically exhausted, constantly trying to lift you up will be mentally exhausting and eventually he will break. LDRs are tough, they suck, they aren't for everyone; however, you can make it beautiful by blossoming yourself and not pining after him 24/7.

[Cocoabird]

Thankyou Autumn. It is hard and i have been working on other things to keep me occupied. I work graveyard shift and im a fulltime student with no friends in my area since moving here a couple years ago. i just miss him so much and i know this is hard on him more since he has to travel for work sometimes where his services are needed.

[Redheart14]

This forum is full on great people who have become great friends to me over the last four years. This forum is an invaluable resource.

[Cocoabird]

That is very helpful redheart. I would love to meet friends here too, thats also why i decided to join this site. I know there are many of us that struggle with LDR and i would like to support those like me. Nice to meet you btw

[Littlewhiteflower]

I think that you should try to see it as followed: he is not there forever. He is just helping people after a hurricane. It's probably a hard job and not many people would help others after a disaster. Try to be proud of him. Tell him you notice his hard work, and that you can't wait to see him. I think some men (at least mine is like that) need to be encouraged. If they feel valued by their woman, they would tend to distance themselves less. The more needy you get, the most likely you are to put an additional source of stress on your man's shoulders which might cause him to withdraw.

If you talk 5 or 10 minutes on the phone with your SO, try to value these minutes. Don't tell yourself it was just 5 minutes of small talk. Tell yourself that 5 minutes are better than 2 minutes. Try to make the most of these 5 minutes. Enjoy them. I'm lucky if I get a call once a week from my boyfriend. So try to be happy with the little thing that bring you two a bit closer. He will come back soon and meanwhile you can try changing your mind. Read some books. Go for a run. Draws, paint, play video games, make a 2000 pieces jiigsaw puzzle even if you hate it (I do hate it and it changes my mind when I am depressed). The thing you need to do when you are in a LDR is not center all your happiness on your life with your SO. You need to value what you have with him and you can work to improve things once he comes back, but you also need to do things that make you happy like seeing other people, etc. Your boyfriend will probably be sent away for other hurricane or other stuff all throughout his career. That's part of his job I guess. You need to find ways to deal with these moments so that you can be happy without him as well.