Feeling useless despite much effort and sacrifices

[WithHer]

Hello again! Second blog with one of our common problems I have with my loved one. Recently, great exams are ahead for her so I though it would good to accompany her over a chat and give her advice on how to be calm and how to handle difficulties while it as I even made a little list.

I however got blocked recently because I've been giving her bad mood.

I'm a type who sacrifices much time into her when staying up an entire night despite a early working schedule, and give many attention even when being at work because I really value her and our relationship. She however claimed that sometimes when I support her, she ends up supporting me as the spotlight seems to be set on me only. I honestly can't remember calling for attention and that spotlight intentionally whenever she needed help, often she's hiding from me what's making her feel bad and I of course recognise it so I try on getting her attention so she opens up.

As she said, she doesn't want to feel bad on the exam day and blocked me. There, I don't know what to feel. Like either a bother to her or should I accept that I'm not a help in this situation? It's usual for her to block me whenever there's an argument and she feels bad, so I've always been trying to get her back, from what she stated, she's grateful form. I'm aware of her problems and issues overall thus giving my best to be a partner to her she can rely on.

What could I do in such a situation? What's your opinion? Should I be a better listener? What could i change?

[Littlewhiteflower]

She sounds immature to block you whenever there is an argument. Maybe if she can't deal with arguments she shouldn't be in a relationship..

I think whenever she is doing exams, you should give her space. Don't text. Don't call. Just let her breath a bit. I just finished 3 exams and 2 essays in one week and I was pretty stressed out. Everytime my SO would try to talk I would ask him to wait at least an hour or two later so I could finish my studying. When someone deals with exams, anxiety, you don't really need to give a list of how to stay calm etc. It might help her but she probably just wants time by herself to do those exams. Your intention were good but probably annoyed her. So i would advice to just give her space when she is having a stressful time at school.

For the rest, I would tell her that this is the last time you accept to be blocked. Blocking someone is pretty immature as I said and you shouldn't accept that behavior. My SO used to do it and I put a stop to it. I told him if he couldn't deal with arguments, he just had to stay singles. Silent treatment can become emotional abuse. Don't accept that behavior.

[Rezie]

Blocking you is immature. Tell her that it's not waht adults do in realtionships. They talk things through, or let the other person know they need spce.

It's hard to say anything about the spotlight thing since I'm not sure on what has been said. Maybe when she has busy time, let her be in charge of the communiction. You send a good morning text and let her handle th rest at exam season.