Friends, Boyfriends and ultimatums

[fatima13]

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and we've had a pretty normal relationship. a few fights and arguments here and there but a fairly normal relationship. Recently we had a huge fight and he ended up breaking up with me. He soon realized what he had done (that very night only) and asked to talk to him and make it work. I was up for it but one of my closest friends gave me an ultimatum and said "if you go back to him, our friendship is over". I love my boyfriend and i love my friends. Yes i did go to them when, i was heatbroken and they did take care of me. But now they're sayin we took care of you and you're disrespecting us by choosing your boyfriend. i have known this guy, we love achother and yes we have some issues, but we work it out. this was the first time in months that i have told them anything. I feel like shit for having to do what i did, but they can't makwe me leave my boyfriend just because of a stupid fight. some advice how to deal with the guilt

[autumn1790]

Good friends would not show this behavior unless it was an absolute necessity for the sake of safety. Are they being unreasonable? Is there any basis for their actions? If not, they are being ridiculously controlling and you don't need that toxicity in your life, because controlling behavior is very seldomly limited to one situation.

[Rezie]

I feel like there is a piece missing here. Your friends have formed an opinion about your boyfriend based on what you have told them. Is friend being controlling or have the fights and now the temporary breakup been bad? Have you spoken badly about him to the friend? Does your friend do these types of things often?

I've personally told a friend not to talk to me about her realtionship anymore. I got tired listening to her. The guy was a jerk, but an honest jerk and my friend just refused to believe him when he showed (and actually told her) what type of guy he is. So i decided to give some tough love and not participate. Is there a chanche that to an outsider your relationship doesn't seem healthy? Is the friend going through something? Ultimatums are not ok and you are better off wthout a friend like that but does she have a tiny little point?

[Harlequin]

I will also echo that it sounds like you're leaving something out. What are these fights and arguments about? I've had to give ultimatums before to friends as well when it came to relationships, because the relationship was genuinely toxic and going back to it was a very bad idea. It sucks, and to be quite honest, is insulting watching a friend happily go back to a toxic situation because of some misconstrued idea of "love" after you've spent SO long trying to help them heal from the damage.
It's hard to say whether your friend is being fair or not without more details, to be honest.

[autumn1790]

I feel like there is a piece missing here. Your friends have formed an opinion about your boyfriend based on what you have told them. Is friend being controlling or have the fights and now the temporary breakup been bad? Have you spoken badly about him to the friend? Does your friend do these types of things often?

I've personally told a friend not to talk to me about her realtionship anymore. I got tired listening to her. The guy was a jerk, but an honest jerk and my friend just refused to believe him when he showed (and actually told her) what type of guy he is. So i decided to give some tough love and not participate. Is there a chanche that to an outsider your relationship doesn't seem healthy? Is the friend going through something? Ultimatums are not ok and you are better off wthout a friend like that but does she have a tiny little point?

I guess this is the difference I was pointing out...I do believe saying "I don't want to talk about this anymore" is totally okay, but not "it's him or me." That's rude. Especially when OP says she only talks about him once every few months.