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    Advice please?

    I'm new here, so forgive me if this isn't the right place to post this. My girlfriend and I have known each other for three years and have been dating for about two and a half years. We've had a very loving relationship. However we also have experienced some problems. She has a lot of anxiety/doubtful feelings and sometimes it's hard for her to differentiate them from her actual feelings so at times she just puts them off. Our communication hasn't always been the best I think, but we have been improving it. Recently though, she called me and told me that she has felt distant from me, as in her romantic interest in me has dropped, she told me that she wants me in her life, and that she does love me, but that she's a bit confused at the moment whether that love is romantic or platonic? You can imagine this hurt me pretty bad. I think the distance is partly to blame for this. I guess it's harder for her than it is for me. We've actually never met yet in person, and so I told her that we should finally meet and see where that takes us. So in about two weeks I'm going to go see her for the first time. I've thought about and prepared myself for whatever worst case scenarios. I imagine that if she still feels the same way even after seeing me then we'll have to break up officially. But I'm hoping seeing each other in person will change/solidify her feelings for the better? What do you all think? Do we still have a chance in our relationship? Any advice is really appreciated.

    #2
    Anxiety is a killer. It sounds like she overthought something, and then her anxiety ran away with it. It's good that she told you she's feeling this way, though, because that opens the floor to good dialogue and shows that she hasn't completely shut out the relationship. Meeting in person absolutely can help, but it might also trigger more anxiety about her feelings when you go back to being long distance. It's common, so no worries.
    If she does continue to feel that way when she sees you, before calling it quits, talk to her about it. See if you guys can figure out why she seems to be feeling that way, what's scaring her, etc. Is it that she's unsure if it's romantic or platonic, or is it that she's gotten comfortable with you? Sometimes people mistake the lack of butterflies for a lack of romantic interest.
    Is she getting help for her anxiety? She'd likely benefit from that in general.

    Overall, of course you still have a chance. I think you're taking a good approach by meeting up with her. So meet her, then talk with her about how she's feeling. Take your time to figure things out, and go from there. If it ends up being that the relationship fizzled out, then at least you guys got to meet. If it helps her feel more confident in your relationship, then great!

    Best of luck to you both.

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      #3
      Thanks for your insight. She actually does get help for anxiety/issues, she has therapy, etc. Thankfully it has improved her problems generally. Also I think the main reason she's feeling like this is mostly because of long distance itself, she told me that she thinks it's over proximity. She's going to start College soon early next year, and I'm thinking about my own education as well. Keep in mind though that her and I have never really talked about our "future future" as in setting goals for ourselves together and closing the distance, etc. I imagine that intensifies her feelings about this. I'm about a ten hour drive away from her or two hours away taking a flight, so yes it is hard, but I told her it's certainly doable, that we just need to discuss our plans for our future together more thoroughly since we never really have and I think that'll help us a lot hopefully. So as I said, we're going to see each other and see where that leads us, hopefully it'll be positive, and from there we'll talk about our future. Any other advice will be appreciated again.

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