I've been in a international relationship for over a year now (I'm American, he's Colombian) and its getting harder every day. We met when he was in the US in summer 2017 for a work and travel program and I thought we would just be a summer fling, but it led to more than that. I visit Colombia for a month every year and he visits US in the summer on W&T programs. We have talked about our future, and he thinks that we will close the gap in about 5 years. He is 4 years older than me, but has about 1.5 years of college left and I have 2.5 years of college left. I don't know if I can handle this distance for much longer, it's putting me into a deep depression and causing me great anxiety (from financial and visiting stress). But when I think of ending our relationship, it breaks my heart because I know that I love him for who he is, and that he will always be in my mind and heart. I don't know what to do anymore, we have movie nights and chat regularly, but that's just not enough to help me be happy for the next couple of years. I want the distance to be closed, if I can't see an end in sight I lose hope, and it just turns into a relationship of depression even though I love him. I can't talk to him about it anymore because he just gets sad too and then the discussion doesn't make progress. I'm at a loss no matter how I think of it, if I break up with him I'm heartbroken and depressed, but if I stay in a relationship with him I'm still heartbroken and depressed. I'm going to visit him in December when I get out of school for the semester, but I don't know if that's enough anymore to make me feel like we are in an actual relationship. If anyone has been through something like this or has any advice, please help me....
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It's entirely understandable that you don't want to let go of the relationship-- love gives us all sorts of crazy brain feelings and losing that feels like withdrawal.
The key here is that you don't seem to be happy with the relationship as a whole, and that's where you and your SO will have to do some work. I have found that having a solid plan and being able to work towards an end goal has made the distance more bearable. Maybe it's time to research visas and really decide on a way (or ways, if you want a backup plan) to close the distance. Maybe you should have this discussion face-to-face in December when you visit.
If the visits are becoming a financial burden for you, either re-negotiate who pays for what during visits or re-negotiate the visits themselves (shorter, less frequent, more stay-at-home dates, eating out less, etc.). I know it sucks to think about having to cut back, but it will also mean that you are in a better place down the line.
In the end, if nothing changes, nothing will change for you! Don't let the relationship hold you captive.
Canadian permanent residence APPROVED!
Closed the Distance: 09/26/2019
Engaged: 09/26/2020
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