Devastated. Dumper’s regret. He is NC. Help me

[IloveJames]

Hi all,

My man and I have been in a relationship for 1.5 years. He had to move to another state for a 6 month job assignment and we were in LDR.

Please don’t judge me but I am actually unhappily married and husband was aware of my relationship and supportive of it. I gave up on trying to save my marriage and fell madly in love with J.

J and I saw each other last week, he visited me. It was beautiful, but I kept thinking how I should give one last try to save my marriage and how I should do it for my child. I picked up a small fight, knowing that J doesn’t like handling conflicts. It ended up being an ugly breakup in my side, saying mean and hurtful things to him. I thought this will help rip off the bandaid, go home and try to start clean.

Hours later I regretted it deeply. I’m utterly devastated, severely depressed and miss James more than anything. It’s been 10 days of NC on his side. I’ve been pleading, begging, trying to apologize and express how sincerely sorry I am for hurting him, but he is silent.

I know I hurt him and many will judge me. I felt like invite about to bunjee jump and staring at the unknown I got cold feet.

I am so ready to jump now. I miss him constantly, I have severe panic attacks, depressive episodes and frantically try to reach and apologize to him. He hasn’t blocked me and can see he ignores, but occasionally reads my messages.

But he is so so far away. Do you think it will be a good idea to surprise visit him and profoundly apologize, explains all this to him? Can he forgive me if I make a point of never acting on my emotions so impulsively and show him that I have made my mind once and for all and that I am ready to divorce and be with him?

Is there any hope here, is his ego hurt? I’m sure he feels mad but not answering makes me feel like he has already moved on, and I fear that giving him space to heal from this will only distance us more, possibly for good. I want my love back. I was so strupid. Please help me!

[kittyo9]

Do you think it will be a good idea to surprise visit him and profoundly apologize, explains all this to him? Can he forgive me if I make a point of never acting on my emotions so impulsively and show him that I have made my mind once and for all and that I am ready to divorce and be with him?

Is there any hope here, is his ego hurt? I’m sure he feels mad but not answering makes me feel like he has already moved on, and I fear that giving him space to heal from this will only distance us more, possibly for good. I want my love back. I was so strupid. Please help me!

Not a good idea at all, in my opinion. You are trying to force yourself back into his life. I know it's hurting you, but right now you are experiencing withdrawal from the relationship, so of course you're going to want them to come back so you can have all those nice feelings again... but you still need to respect his boundaries and respect him as a person.

[Rezie]

Nope. No Suprise visits. My advice is to send one more messge/email. No begging. Just saying how you feel and then tell him how you will respect his boundaries and not contact anymore unless he wants to.

It sucks that you regret leaving him. But this is not about his ego. Usually people take certain actions when dumped and start moving on. All you can do is express how you feel and let him decide if he is willing to try again. It's possible that he has had some internal struggle with the situation and needs time to figure out what he wants.

Also, don't divorce your husband only to be with James. Do it only if you truly feel like you don't want to try anymore. Also you cannot promise not to act impulsively again. Are you sure you know what you want? Is this actual feeling of withdrawal like kitty said?