My partner and body image

[h175]

Hello all,

Something has been bothering my partner (Sam) and I recently...

He told me that he hates his body and the way he looks physically, and tonight he asked me, "if there's one thing you could change about me physically, what would it be?" of course i said nothing, because i think he's perfect the way he is, but he still didn't believe me so I tried to ask him the same thing about me. he said nothing as well. then i said "see what i mean now?" but then he proceeds to say "that's because you have a perfect body so you don't have to worry about anything."
this got my kind of frustrated. I have been a competitive athlete for most of my life, so I have a really toned body and he likes that. but he is constantly comparing our bodies and thinking his isn't good enough and putting himself down and not believing me when i say i find him attractive in that way.

I have always been the type of girl that cared more about personality than looks, and i don't even prefer a certain body type. If i like their personality and face, then that's all i need in a person. But he keeps comparing me to "most girls" saying that most girls like toned muscular guys, and i keep telling him im not like that but he wont believe it...
It's because I train with my team, and there are really muscular guys on my team, which is hard for him because of the distance, but he thinks that because I'm around that all the time, that i wont like the way he is. I have no interest whatsoever with any boys on my team, and i tell him this too.

He has had body issues since he was young, because he got bullied in school for it and never really felt comfortable with himself that way. He does love going to the gym tho, he has really strong arms but once he gets into a good schedule of going to the gym, his wrists start hurting, (a thing that's been going on for awhile, and yes, he's seen a doctor about it) and then he has to stop because of the pain of holding the weights. And then he feels that all progress is lost and he gets depressed again. He says all he wants is for me to be "crazy about his body like he is with mine"...

I honestly don't know what to do to help him get through this and love himself, and make him believe me that i love him for the way he is

[autumn1790]

I think one thing to keep in mind is that you are not responsible for his body image--he is. You can assure him that you love him for who he is, but it's on him to work through his doubts. You can only give so much.. Has he tried other forms of fitness besides lifting weights?

[Lune]

Hey there

It is no easy situation you are in. I agree that the body issues are in his responsibility but only to a certain point. With his history of being bullied it can be understandable that it is hard for him to believe positive things when he did not face that for a while. You are together for some time now so by now he should have built up enough trust to believe what you are saying, on the other side the mind and connected emotions are some unpredictable things sometimes and I read in your profile you are Nevermets as well. It often helps people when they finally meet to realize completely that it all is not just a dream but real
Til then he has to work on himself what he tries obviously with the training. What would be interesting with the self doubts is though if he has them about other things too and how you handle this together. If it is too extreme he could think about seeing someone professional to work on the depression.

To the sport, what if he tries some sports that include much fitness training too but less focused on his arms when he has problems with that? It could get him more confidence as well working in a team with others and strengthen his body more like that

All the best
Lune