What is the gift giving etiquette in LDRs?

[089Jay]

Obviously, you can't send gifts in LDRs without it being expensive, with the shipping costs etc. Especially if you and your SO live in different countries.

For Valentine's, I'm thinking of getting my gf who lives in Turkey some small roses, with a tiny teddy bear and expensive chocolate.

We have sent each other gifts before, like last Christmas. I sent her some British sweets/chocolates and another small present. She did the same and sent me some of the sweet delicacies from Turkey and a personalised gift.

I probably spent more than her (because my allowance allows for that and I think her allowance is limited). Anyway, I was still really happy with her gift and the sentiment behind just made it much more worth it than mine.

Anyway, my problem is if I do get those things I mentioned above for Valentine's, I don't want her to feel pressured for her to send something back or send something back of the same value. I'm not sending it to her because I want something in return, just because I want to and if she did, I would be happy with anything she gave me.

How do I show this to her? Is it weird for me to feel anxious about this?

[autumn1790]

You sending a gift should not pressure her to reciprocate. You can casually mention you don't want anything in return, but don't harp on it, because that might make her wonder if you are saying the opposite of what you mean. Maybe instead of sending expensive gifts, send items that mean something to her and that she longs for. My boyfriend once sent me a very pricey package with gifts, but there wasn't a letter or card inside which is what I really wanted, so it made me feel a little sad. Is there something small she's mentioned she wants?

[089Jay]

You sending a gift should not pressure her to reciprocate. You can casually mention you don't want anything in return, but don't harp on it, because that might make her wonder if you are saying the opposite of what you mean. Maybe instead of sending expensive gifts, send items that mean something to her and that she longs for. My boyfriend once sent me a very pricey package with gifts, but there wasn't a letter or card inside which is what I really wanted, so it made me feel a little sad. Is there something small she's mentioned she wants?

Hmm. That's a good idea. Be casual about it. Last time I asked her what she would like for Christmas and I think she's a bit shy asking stuff from me and would just rather not ask. I go off what she has told me she likes from previous interactions. This time, for Valentine's, I'm going to surprise her. I feel like flowers and expensive chocolate isn't that MUCH. I was actually thinking of getting us these LDR tech brackets, such as the Hey bracelet or bond touch which is even more expensive but after reading reviews, they aren't as good or they still have much development to go. I may consider getting the Hey bracelet in the future when it's better...as for the bond touch it seems mediocre at best.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

If it helps any, I send my SO various parcels. Some have sentimental things inside, others are more basic. He has sent me one gift to date, but I know that finance is an issue for him, so I am not too bothered. He spends enough of his time and energy on our relationship, so I don't feel short changed. We exchange photos, poetry and stories with each other via email and IM, so there is always cheaper alternatives.
My SO likes everything I send him, but his favourite things have been the sentimental items. I sent him a chocolate muffin, some balloons and a candle for his birthday, and he shared those with me via skype, so you can still enjoy your gifts together, even if you're not.

[ChrisVesters]

Personally, I moments of exchanging gifts such as birthdays and holidays make me nervous. I always doubt wether the gift I give is good, and I always act very casual when getting gifts which make the giber feel like I don't appreciate it. Of course there is always the price element.

Maybe your girlfriend is like me and she doesn't want to give people the feeling they are using them, so you always want to give something of the same value in return.

Anyway, me and my girlfriend we only exchange gifys when we are together. Sometimes this means we postpone giving a gift because we can't be togetjer at that moment. But this year we agreed not to give gifts for new year because we aren't together and we would rather save the money so we can meet again.

Not really any advice, but this is how we do it

[xxcazaxx]

In my situation I earn a lot more than my other half (who also has to pay for his parents too). Every time he has asked what I want as a gift I have said a letter (I am an old fashioned soul who loves hand written letters and I also don't want him spending money that he doesn't have). I also tend to not ask him what he wants and he gets a surprise. For some reason it also seems to be much more expensive for him to send things from India to the UK than it is for me to send things to India (always wonder if he sends things by special delivery when I see how much he has paid for postage on the label). That said I have been pretty frustrated as probably about only half of the gifts that I have sent actually arrived (hoping things are going to change now that he has moved)

[Ariel456]

I agree with what other posts have said,don't make it a huge deal if you do decide to say it, maybe she likes to treat you too, I love letters and sentimental things,i sent my SO open when letters and he loves them and still has a few to open, he was so surprised and it didn't cost much to do but I like stuff like this too, maybe something like this might suit her