We are now in a long distance relationship for 2,5 years. We've got engaged around 6 months ago and we are planning a marriage this summer. Still, I have certain doubts. My country is economically well-developed, quality of the living is getting better and better, I am quite well educated and I also have a decent job, which I like very much. The boyfriend's country on the other hand is a country with many problems, including unemployment and when you're there, especially outside the capital, it seems that life stops 30 years ago. Of course I like it, because it reminds me of my childhood and people are extremely friendly and warm. But thinking about these things, it is more to go there for the holidays than acutally living there. Many people are leaving the country, because of the bad circumstances, but my boyfriend is just thinking about starting business there, which would help us to survive, but if it doesn't work out, we can still move to my countrx (he is thinking that I'll move to his country, when I'll be on my maternity leave). I'm becoming more and more sceptic, because from time to time I have a feeling that he actually doesn't mean it honestly about going to my homeland ever.
He has never showed any interest in learning my language, on the other hand, but I've become really fluent in his mother tongue. He is also thinking about renovating the house where he live with his father. The house doesn't have central heating system, old windows, old furniture, no insulation, two separated floors, so to reach the kitchen and bathroom from the upper floor you have to go out, which is really inconvenient in winter. To adapt the house is almost like building a new one.
That kind of plans are just showing me, that he isn't prepare to move at all. His father is very bossy and he is complaining and yelling all the time - I want this, give me this, this is not good, etc. I know he got a stroke last year, and I am really patient about the whole situation and the consequences of having a stroke, but I just can not imagine living like that. It's not about the diagnosis, it is about his attitude and he hates animals, can't stand them. But I love them so much. We also adopted a cat, but we have to hide her non stop, although I am used that animals are part of the family, equal members with all the comfort. I can not imagine that kind of things for next 20 years or so, and also having a baby or two.
Please don't get me wrong. Moving to another country is always a big step and if you think that the country is less developed with lower salaries, less opportunities and also some cultural differences, I really don't know what to do.
Since for him is no other option, than living at his homeat least at the beginning, we've also talked about having kids, etc., and I've said that since the health system is better in my country, I'd like to give a birth in my country. He agreed with all that, but when I've mentioned that I don't imagine being alone during my pregnancy, he said that he'll take unpaid leave, but of course that doesn't include to be with me all the time. I am so not sure about that kind of things, it is not something that I've ever imagined, so I am really afraid about the future.
Moreover, I've already noticed that I have different views of how to raise a baby (I've noticed that many parents in his homeland are not really strict about going to bed, nutrition, there is no discipline, no rules, - kids from 1-2 years they going to bed at 11 p.m. or even later, eating tons of sugar, watching tv, no books, ..), I am not really sure how I'll be able to adapt. Beside, later one must also think about kindergarten, school, educational opportunities.
Whenever I've mentioned some of the doubts, I always get an answer: '' You know that after a year or so there is no problem to go back to your place.'' But I have so much doubts about this statement, because just listening about the his plans, without my questions and interruptions, it is just business and house renovation, so no returning back at all. Why would one develop a business and renovate a house if there is just one year plan? I don't know why I have this feeling that he is secretly counting that I'll change my mind. But I have a well-paid job here and for now it looks like also quite a secure future. Since the economic situation is really good at the moment, I am sure he wouldn't have problems to find a job, which would be also paid better.
I just can not imagine myself to consciously move to the country where people have less opportunities, freedom and with health and educational system which function worse than in my country. And I don't understand my boyfriend, why he just doesn't grab the opportunity. People in his country are desperate of moving and working in another country, but it seems he is just not into that.
I am so lost. I don't know what to do. Does the whole thing make any sense or is better to run when I still have time. I love my boyfriend and maybe it'd sound selfish, but I am also thinking about my own future. Putting so much into my own education every day, reading, researching, and then go somewhere else, knowing everything that I've mentioned up there. For me it sounds so against myself, against my wishes and beliefs. And the town is not even the capital, is really far away from it. And also, putting my savings into the house..sounds even more wrong and crazy for me.
He has never showed any interest in learning my language, on the other hand, but I've become really fluent in his mother tongue. He is also thinking about renovating the house where he live with his father. The house doesn't have central heating system, old windows, old furniture, no insulation, two separated floors, so to reach the kitchen and bathroom from the upper floor you have to go out, which is really inconvenient in winter. To adapt the house is almost like building a new one.
That kind of plans are just showing me, that he isn't prepare to move at all. His father is very bossy and he is complaining and yelling all the time - I want this, give me this, this is not good, etc. I know he got a stroke last year, and I am really patient about the whole situation and the consequences of having a stroke, but I just can not imagine living like that. It's not about the diagnosis, it is about his attitude and he hates animals, can't stand them. But I love them so much. We also adopted a cat, but we have to hide her non stop, although I am used that animals are part of the family, equal members with all the comfort. I can not imagine that kind of things for next 20 years or so, and also having a baby or two.
Please don't get me wrong. Moving to another country is always a big step and if you think that the country is less developed with lower salaries, less opportunities and also some cultural differences, I really don't know what to do.
Since for him is no other option, than living at his homeat least at the beginning, we've also talked about having kids, etc., and I've said that since the health system is better in my country, I'd like to give a birth in my country. He agreed with all that, but when I've mentioned that I don't imagine being alone during my pregnancy, he said that he'll take unpaid leave, but of course that doesn't include to be with me all the time. I am so not sure about that kind of things, it is not something that I've ever imagined, so I am really afraid about the future.
Moreover, I've already noticed that I have different views of how to raise a baby (I've noticed that many parents in his homeland are not really strict about going to bed, nutrition, there is no discipline, no rules, - kids from 1-2 years they going to bed at 11 p.m. or even later, eating tons of sugar, watching tv, no books, ..), I am not really sure how I'll be able to adapt. Beside, later one must also think about kindergarten, school, educational opportunities.
Whenever I've mentioned some of the doubts, I always get an answer: '' You know that after a year or so there is no problem to go back to your place.'' But I have so much doubts about this statement, because just listening about the his plans, without my questions and interruptions, it is just business and house renovation, so no returning back at all. Why would one develop a business and renovate a house if there is just one year plan? I don't know why I have this feeling that he is secretly counting that I'll change my mind. But I have a well-paid job here and for now it looks like also quite a secure future. Since the economic situation is really good at the moment, I am sure he wouldn't have problems to find a job, which would be also paid better.
I just can not imagine myself to consciously move to the country where people have less opportunities, freedom and with health and educational system which function worse than in my country. And I don't understand my boyfriend, why he just doesn't grab the opportunity. People in his country are desperate of moving and working in another country, but it seems he is just not into that.
I am so lost. I don't know what to do. Does the whole thing make any sense or is better to run when I still have time. I love my boyfriend and maybe it'd sound selfish, but I am also thinking about my own future. Putting so much into my own education every day, reading, researching, and then go somewhere else, knowing everything that I've mentioned up there. For me it sounds so against myself, against my wishes and beliefs. And the town is not even the capital, is really far away from it. And also, putting my savings into the house..sounds even more wrong and crazy for me.
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