Should I keep trying LD or break things off?

[Hollsimp]

Hey everyone, would love some feedback from other people who have also been or are in a long distance relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years, and most of the relationship has been long distance. About 2 years ago I finally made the move to his home town, 4 hours away from my home town. Things were good, but I ended up in such a bad depression I couldn't get myself to leave the apartment or go to work which caused me to become unemployed (It was a solid year like this). After talking to my doctor and a therapist, I decided the best thing for my health was to be back home where i was closer to family as it was a major factor contributing to my depression.
Now that I am back home however, the relationship feels like it has totally changed from when we did long distance before (I've been moved back home for about 4 months now which isn't very long). My boyfriend was hurt when I told him I needed to move back home to better myself, but he was very understanding of the situation. One thing he said to me though was that he "knew how things would end up", saying that we were gonna stop talking and end up splitting up. I assured him that that was not the point of me moving, that I wasn't trying to leave him but I needed to move home for my mental health and to find some kind of work in my field so we can get ahead and start saving for our future. But now that I have moved, I feel like he isn't putting much effort into our relationship anymore. Whenever I try making plans for him to come down, he either has made plans with his friends (who ALWAYS ditch last minute) or doesn't have the money to (his car recently broke down so we have to use train etc). I have always offered to help get him down like paying for his tickets and driving to pick him up. It's hard for me to drive up to visit as my work schedule doesn't really allow for it, but I still try to.
I guess I'm just getting exhausted of being the one always making an effort, which I've mentioned before to him and all it did was start an argument. Whenever I discuss future plans like where we should move to be together, it again ends up with us in an argument and we can never come to an agreement. All I want is some kind of plan for the future yet I feel like I'm the only one who is actually trying to make it all work.
So my question is, am I wasting my time or am I expecting too much? Part of me feels like we should split up or take a break, yet I love him and have been with him so long that it's heartbreaking to even think of. Thanks everyone <3

[Redheart14]

Hi,
Sounds like you’ve done what you needed to for your own mental health and you should be proud of that. We are all human and it seems like your SO is hurt about you leaving. That’s not your fault, but people take different amounts of time to get over things. It seems like he’s expecting the worse (break up) and maybe he’s trying to protect himself from that by acting this way. I’d suggest talking to him but seeing you have and it only causes flights it’s a bit hard to get communication going. I guess you can either wait a few weeks for things to settle and try bring up the topic again or maybe go see him. I know he keeps on declining offers to come to you but maybe talking face to face will be beneficial and if going to him will help than why not? I guess after 6 years you need to know where this is going. Please let me know how things go.

[Lune]

Hey there

I agree with Redheart. You had to do what is best for you and your health.
It all sounds like he is still hurting from the first failed try of living together, especially when you where dealing with the new situation not how both of you wished for in the best case and he on his side was happy to have you around and only lived the "things were good" side you mention. I guess to be able to say more about the whole thing it would be good to know more what else you did not like or could not deal with in the new hometown, because it sounds like you had work there, when you talk about not going instead of not finding some or also what let you be too down to try leave the house. Also what did your partner do about it, since he surely noticed what was going on?
I think his reaction could be a fear of trying it all again when it went like it did before. What would you say is the plan you wanna have? When you moving ended up not good, then either you stay LD, you try it again to move to him or he is the one seeing if he deals better with living in a new environment. Six years is a long time with all kinds of heights and lows so I would never call that or trying to make it work wasted time, especially not when the whole issue is not mainly your relationship but the distance and the moving. What you need is much talking, going through different ways of how it could or should go in the future and also about your feelings, in this case his reasons for behaving how he does. What does he say when you ask about it all?
Of course at first he said he understands you, what he might do to some point, but it is normal as well to develop worries, doubting oneself and so when it gets tricky. Then it is important to hold together and try to clear it.

All the best,
Lune

[Hollsimp]

Thanks so much for your reply and reassurance Redheart. I am planning to go there in the next few weeks so that will make it much easier for talking about things. I will be sure to update with the outcome of our talk.

[Hollsimp]

Hi Lune and thanks for your reply. Regarding the new town, our apartment was in a not so nice neighbourhood and I had a few issues with fellow tenants in our building (some were extremely nasty and rude). I've always had bad social anxiety which makes going out and meeting new people extremely difficult, and my SO wasn't really into going out and trying new things although I would normally push myself out of my comfort zone for him. I had steady work for the first year then switched jobs to a call center (I went to school for environmental studies so this was way out of the norm for me). I actually had such a severe anxiety attack that I blacked out while on a call with a customer and my trainer had to take over. I ended up going on sick leave then my doctor told me that I shouldn't go back to that job, and I ended up quitting. Finding work after that was a nightmare as I wasn't motivated to live there anymore and mentally couldn't handle it.
To be honest without trying to bash my SO, he really didn't do anything when I was going through depression. He worked hard and helped provide for us, but as to helping me pull through depression I don't think he knew what to do. I still was trying to take care of all the things around the apartment and he didn't really help me out unless I got upset with him about something. Personally I would like to stay within an hour or two of my family, the location doesn't really matter I just wish we could come to an agreement. He always speaks of how it wouldn't bother him to move away from his family and friends yet he isn't exactly willing to. When I do ask him what he wants it's very vague, just "I see us together having a family". I agree though, I really need to sit down with him and get him to talk to me more about the whole thing. Maybe if I approach it a bit differently he will respond a bit better.
Thank you so much again.