Nevermets - we don't know what to do

[Moonmallow]

Hello everyone!

I would love to have your opinion on my current situation.
I'm French and I met this Mexican guy on an international app (had to sign up there for a class), about 4 months ago.
I have to admit it all went super fast. We are really similar in the way we think and have common dreams (dreams that are not really common for our generation. At least I feel like it.). So talking to him every day is the simplest thing I've ever done and I love having him as a friend.

And that's where things get tricky. I've never had a boyfriend before even though I'm 21. Which I know is not common either. But we shared so much in those 4 months I feel like I've known him for most of my life.
But we also are having a hard time trying to figure out what's real and what's not.
Communication is really important to us and so we made our priority to tell each other our feelings and what's on our minds because of distance.
And so we just admitted to each other that we don't feel in love. What's being in love anyway? Even though we deeply care about each other and are craving each other's presence and physical contact. Especially since I need touch from my loved ones (hugs and kisses and so on).
He is like the kind of man I've been waiting for and he told me the same. But somehow, we are not in love? Is it because of distance? Because of something else?

We are planning on seeing each other this summer. But it's in 5 other months. And since we are both in college it's hard to save up (I'm working on weekends but I need to save up for my studies as well).
So basically we are friends but not really because we both want more, but we can't, and our feelings are just a complete mess.

Should we continue this? Should we not? In another way? These are questions we can't seem to find answers to and maybe you guys who have an external point of view will have constructive feedbacks.

I wish you all a nice day

[Floating_cookie]

Hey, if it's only been 4 month, that's a very short period of time to know someone intimately especially over long distance. There's no set amount of time for falling in love. You could know the person 2 months and fall in love or date them for 5 years and only fall in love then. Everyone is different that way. It's okay to not be in love with each other if you don't feel it.

Everyone has a different way of knowing that they've fallen in love. But I think you will know when you have. In my opinion, I think falling in love is when you noticed that the "honeymoon" stage is over and most of the excitement has faded away and what is left are in tense feelings such as care, trust, happiness and feeling safe. If you had a bad day and you know you want to go back to that one person who you know will comfort you. If a bad situation happened and you wanted to be there no matter what to support them, I think they are aspects of falling in love.

You don't have to be in love with someone to be a couple, especially this early. The worst thing to do is pressure yourself to force feelings that are not there.

I think if you enjoy their company, he makes you happy and that you're both trying in this relationship I think you should continue and see where it goes. But make sure that you have the same end goal in sight because otherwise it's going to make long distance relationship very difficult. Talk about what you both want in the future and what's your plan if you both want to be together (are you moving over to them? are they moving to you?). If you both really want it, you'll figure it out.

I hope this helps

[Ejoriah]

I agree with Floating_cookie. I was with my boyfriend (close distance) for over six months before he felt ready to say he loves me.

I add not to rush to commit to things early on. 4 months is really short and it could be that your life goals etc don't line up. And that is perfectly ok too!