It's up to me.

[Ashes]

Hello this is my first post. I'm glad I found this site during such hard times...anyway

So me and my BF will be together for 2 years in March. We live across the US and we've met twice. (spent 2 weeks in all together) He lost his job in Dec of 17 and we haven't seen each other since. We both have aspergers so it's very difficult for him to find work. I'm on SSI and hardly have any money.

It's getting very hard and we're both very depressed. A lot of the times i wonder if we will ever see each other again. He has mentioned several times that if it's too hard, I can end it. (he said it more like if I need to see other people he would understand. but I always tell him no i don't want to see other people.)

So, he's leaving it up to me if I want to end it. He is my first love and I knew from the day we first Skyped that he's the one. I can't imagine not being together...it makes my stomach upset just thinking about it...but he said it can take years before we see each other again and I don't even know what our long term plan is. He's hyper focused on finding a job right now.

Right now, it feels like we're just online friends...there's no sexual talk or flirting anymore...if i ever bring it up, he's very short and doesnt talk sexy back. It all feels like our relationship is on hold, and I think it will be this way for a long time. I've already broke down crying a few times this past year...

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome
Being unemployed can be a huge hurdle especially in an LDR. The depression of not having a jobs seems to have infiltrated other areas of his life. All you can do is continue showing your support and hopefully once he finds a job things will improve.

[Ejoriah]

Hi Ashes, I'm sorry you are going through this. Breaking down crying over your relationship is obviously not a good thing.

I don't think it is fair for your partner to just leave everything up to you. A partnership should be both people working to move things forward. As Redheart pointed out though, he really looks like the depression over losing his job and the lack of money is taking its toll in your relationship. But you shouldn't have to deal with this alone. What is his support system like at home? He has limited income but can you gently nudge him to look into services that offer counseling/therapy for people on low income? You could even help him by doing some of the research on this so he isn't as overwhelmed.

As a side note, the feelings associated with your first love are very potent. I wish you and your boyfriend to manage to make it work, but know that even if it doesn't you WILL be ok.

[Ashes]

Hi Ashes, I'm sorry you are going through this. Breaking down crying over your relationship is obviously not a good thing.

I don't think it is fair for your partner to just leave everything up to you. A partnership should be both people working to move things forward. As Redheart pointed out though, he really looks like the depression over losing his job and the lack of money is taking its toll in your relationship. But you shouldn't have to deal with this alone. What is his support system like at home? He has limited income but can you gently nudge him to look into services that offer counseling/therapy for people on low income? You could even help him by doing some of the research on this so he isn't as overwhelmed.

As a side note, the feelings associated with your first love are very potent. I wish you and your boyfriend to manage to make it work, but know that even if it doesn't you WILL be ok.

thank you for replying!

So he's living with his mom right now and has no income what so ever and he doesnt have health insurance to pay for counseling. He's tried online job fairs and going through people who hire people with aspergers but keeps getting rejected for some reason. He's even applying at much lower paying jobs he's over qualified for and still no interviews or anything. He's very discouraged at this point and severely depressed.

I hate that I can't be there physically to support him emotionally...

I even asked him if thats what he wants (breaking up) and he says no, but he thinks it's unfair for me to keep waiting. Do I give him another year? idk, I feel like it's unfair to give him an ultimatum with something he has no control over...I know how hard it is to get a job with aspergers (which is why I'm on disability). I REALLY don't want to lose him.