share my sad story, please read it

[tornedoar]

i want share my sad story with you as i have none to talk with, so i need your support.

I am syrian live in syria and she american.

me and my ex met online in 2016/6 and as we both were alone and both sad bc past we fall in love fast "in 3 monthes"

she older than me 8 years old honestly, after we loved each other, we become so amazing couple, we were spending all time togther online, we share barcelet, we were planing for future togther.

she was control everything in my life, no friends no facebook, just be with her only. everything was under her countrol and i was respect her

i never lied to her and told her from first time that i cant leave my country till i gradute and she accept it. i told her before if you want easier man that man you can get easeir just tell me, she said never i want you only, she was calling me in middle night cry say please never leave me, i was comfort her and be with her. she promised me whatever happen she will never leave or cheat and we wil be togther forever and always

we were sending gifts to each other " i sent laptop and was planning for buy new car for her in valentien's day"

that still happen till something make he change with me since 9/2018, i kept ask her what happening why you change? you want leave ? you get another man? she was keep say no no i just busy with college and work, monthes i ask her and she keep say no no. i asked her leave your work and i will send you money monthly but she keep say no just be with me and support me

we could live togther in germany and move to there after 6 monthes than now.

she told me she will travel to turkey for working in 1/1/2019 to 14/1/2019, i supported her and said do it and booked her airline ticket" she payed but i chose her plane"

after back i figure out that she went there to meet other man and she married him directly though she knew since 10/2018 only !!!!

yes she married him fast. though he is syrian too live in turkey and he younger than her 8 years old.

i do not know why she did that ? why cheated and lied? why not just tell me and leave me i would respect her and understand i would say never leave and do anything for get her even leaveing my uni and if nothing work i would let her go, but no she chose lies lies and cheat.



i was not perfect man, i was busy alot bc i study engineering and bc interent and electrical is so bad in my country as i live in war, but i thought she understand that and know that for our future and our babies, she not like it ? ok leave me be honest but she kept say love me and never leave me though she married him.

when i figure out she kept say please never tell him he my husband now but i told her all truth for make her leave her but she lied to him and said that she not want me and i was force her to love me for getting visa though i never wanted go to usa and our plan was go togther to germany " country i can go to as i have family there" so he stay with " i am sure 100% he use her for visa"

i learned german for getting each other there, she was learning arabic say that for our family.

if she cheated with man near her i would understand that is chemistry but no she cheated with long distance man too.

now i am sad broken, crying for days and not sleep well, not eat well, i do not know what to do.

why she lied ? why she cheated?

after back from turkey we was planing for do another meeting soon and she agreed.

she was telling me everyday that she not like sex before marriage and she not like how american people do that so i thought she serious honest woman, but now.

my family was telling me each time, do not trust west woman she will leave you for another man, i kept say no no they same us they good people, idk i not like talk that way but maybe they are right.

How can I avenge?

i though she is different than anyone else, but now she is the worst.

i feel i need do something but not know what it

i thought she is grown serious woman but she was playing
i feel i need do something but not know what it

BTW: i forget add that her new husband is have isis mind, asked her for convert to islam and wear hijab that things i never asked her and would never asked her to do, i was telling her i will go to chruch with you and you will go to mosque with me, i thought it was a love.

[Lune]

Hello Tornedoar

What happened to your relationship is very frustrating and unfortunate and you have every right to be sad, disappointed and also angry about it. Yet from what I read is that even if you might have been happy in the constellation you had, there were things that are red flags in advance. For example like she seemed to control so many things in your life and isolated you from other people. It is great to spend much time with the one you love, everyone has an own rhythm in their relationship and as long as both partners agree to it from free will it is alright as well.
On the other side it is dangerous to give away too much control especially about personal things like friends, social media and so on, since even if you are a partner you still have the right to have an own life. And it is important for yourself too, depending on what you want, if you are a very social person who needs his family and friends and just went into distance out of respect of a person who wanted it to be this way.
Another point is these big gifts you made like a laptop or a car. It is a big deal to do this for someone you never met before and since you are still a student you might not have the biggest amount of money already for yourself. Of course I can be wrong here since I don't know your financial situation, yet if you have some savings it is better to invest them in personal meetings to get to know each other there better and see if you click in that way too. Or did she do the same kind of big gifts to you?

What shines through the whole time though is that she seemed to be very manipulative with the already mentioned control but also with the emotional pressure she put on you when making these calls to make sure you stay by her side. In the end only she knows why she did what she did and it is ironic she booked the flight to Turkey together with you when knowing what would be her plans there, the whole thing sounds very complicated and chaotic and it is hard to tell if she is someone who just likes to have control about someone or if she is needy, insecure or desperate and wants someone to take care of her.
Whatever might be behind it, the best you can do is trying to get over it, go on with your studies, focus on your family and your life and do things that are good for you. It is very hard, you have been together for a while, but chasing after her won't do you any good. If you plan to leave your country after your studies you can still have that in mind and for that it is an advantage that you have some family members who would help you with that already living here plus you started to learn the language.

To what your family says about "west women", the thing is that even with cultural differences that might cause this kind of thinking there are good people and people who have not so nice things in mind everywhere. It always depends on a person themselves how they are, no matter where they come from. That you met a woman who did not mean it as serious as she said she does does not mean everyone you will meet in the future will be like this. It is understandable that your trust is down now, but give yourself time to heal, keep your open mind and spirit and try not to get into such a strong dependence with being isolated and controlled again.
Maybe it will help you next to your studies to look for hobbies you like and would like to follow again or starting to, meeting up with new people to gather new friends around you and try not to get bitter from that bad experience now. It is easier said than done, yet not impossible

All the best,
Lune

[tornedoar]

Hello Tornedoar

What happened to your relationship is very frustrating and unfortunate and you have every right to be sad, disappointed and also angry about it. Yet from what I read is that even if you might have been happy in the constellation you had, there were things that are red flags in advance. For example like she seemed to control so many things in your life and isolated you from other people. It is great to spend much time with the one you love, everyone has an own rhythm in their relationship and as long as both partners agree to it from free will it is alright as well.
On the other side it is dangerous to give away too much control especially about personal things like friends, social media and so on, since even if you are a partner you still have the right to have an own life. And it is important for yourself too, depending on what you want, if you are a very social person who needs his family and friends and just went into distance out of respect of a person who wanted it to be this way.
Another point is these big gifts you made like a laptop or a car. It is a big deal to do this for someone you never met before and since you are still a student you might not have the biggest amount of money already for yourself. Of course I can be wrong here since I don't know your financial situation, yet if you have some savings it is better to invest them in personal meetings to get to know each other there better and see if you click in that way too. Or did she do the same kind of big gifts to you?

What shines through the whole time though is that she seemed to be very manipulative with the already mentioned control but also with the emotional pressure she put on you when making these calls to make sure you stay by her side. In the end only she knows why she did what she did and it is ironic she booked the flight to Turkey together with you when knowing what would be her plans there, the whole thing sounds very complicated and chaotic and it is hard to tell if she is someone who just likes to have control about someone or if she is needy, insecure or desperate and wants someone to take care of her.
Whatever might be behind it, the best you can do is trying to get over it, go on with your studies, focus on your family and your life and do things that are good for you. It is very hard, you have been together for a while, but chasing after her won't do you any good. If you plan to leave your country after your studies you can still have that in mind and for that it is an advantage that you have some family members who would help you with that already living here plus you started to learn the language.

To what your family says about "west women", the thing is that even with cultural differences that might cause this kind of thinking there are good people and people who have not so nice things in mind everywhere. It always depends on a person themselves how they are, no matter where they come from. That you met a woman who did not mean it as serious as she said she does does not mean everyone you will meet in the future will be like this. It is understandable that your trust is down now, but give yourself time to heal, keep your open mind and spirit and try not to get into such a strong dependence with being isolated and controlled again.
Maybe it will help you next to your studies to look for hobbies you like and would like to follow again or starting to, meeting up with new people to gather new friends around you and try not to get bitter from that bad experience now. It is easier said than done, yet not impossible

All the best,
Lune

she never send gifts like that expensive. but she sent good things like our picture togthrr to put on wall..etc just romance cheap things.
she was always say that she scared of die alone, so she worry i die in war. i respect that but if not want me just leave me . not cheating and still lies and promise that she mine.
it is horrible. she was angel in my eyes that who never lies or cheat. i rrally do not know what happened. i thought let her control me bc she has so bad past so i understood her satuation and i thought i build family as she told me that i must do everything to make our family strong.
i thought thought .... but nothing right.
i never controled her or told her what she must do and what not bc i thought love is trust and she do not need to lie bc can just leave me if not want me.

im not wealthy man but i have alot saving for my future" it was for our future and our family and babies"

thanks for supporting i will go to germany and do master there.
im really shocked still cant believe what happened. i really not believe all that. how she lies lies.
it is horrible. i thought as she cheated on before so she know how cheating is hurt so would never do
i accept her as her never asked any change. now she with man who ask her to change her self