Need help in my long distance relationship

[Arialeon81]

Hi, I need some advice. I'm a college student almost about to end my bachelors. I have a boyfriend who I have been three years with. We started a long distance relationship last year after some circumstances in his life ended up with him moving to the US. This month, I sort of realized my love for him was a bit less than it had been for these years, and I chose to fight. Fast forward a few days later, and my period caused me so much confusion (it's the first time any period of this kind had ever happened to me), that I somehow started questioning if I loved him or not, and I almost ended up breaking up with him. We chose to fight, and I want to, yet somehow I'm scared. I love him and I'm very scared of screwing up again. I want to be with him, I want this relationship to last the whole way, like we always planned it, and yet I don't know why I feel so nervous and scared. I need advice and maybe stories of your own experiences, to see that it can be done and even through it all, it can be possible. None of my friends or anyone in my family are in a long distance relationship, so even though I ask for advice, they can only give me some. I don't have people to talk to this about. I'm sorry if this topic has been brought up or this is not the right place, it's sort of my first time using a forum, ever.

[LisaS]

Hi! I also started my relationship as close distance and then he moved and we became long distance. I’ve found that for some reason it’s so much easier to have doubts and anxiety during long distance relationships and it’s important to not let those thoughts get the best of you. Is there a specific incident that made you want to break up with him or do you simply not feel as close to him because of the distance?

[Arialeon81]

Well, in my case, I had frustration cause even though I'm in college, he decided it was better to work than study, and I didn't know how to react since I'm still iffy on how you can reach stability without a degree. Maybe it's also because where we're from, it's not as easy to get jobs, but in the US it's a lot easier. It also was related that our conversations started to get a bit stale, but I don't know what to do about that.

[LisaS]

It’s true people can get a decent job here in the US without a college degree and with just work experience, but it depends on the profession and the city. As long as he’s ambitious, I’m sure he’ll be able to make a good living. And I think it’s pretty common for LDR couples to have some conversations become stale. I like to ask a lot of follow up questions to keep the conversation going and to get more and new details about whatever my SO is talking about it. Maybe you can google “questions to ask bf” if you’re stuck. Just on the surface level, neither of these seem like a deal breaker especially if you love each other it is definitely possible to maintain a strong connection long distance until you can figure out how to be together permanently.

[Arialeon81]

Hmm, ok. Thank you very much. Do you by any chance know in which cities you can get nice jobs or stuff like that? Since you say it depends on the city as well. It's just that, we're planning on moving eventually from where he lives right now.

Ohhh, and thank you for the conversation advice, I think that can help.

[LisaS]

I think bigger cities will tend to have more opportunities than smaller ones since there will be more people, companies, etc. He could probably find a good job in a small town but then it might be harder for you to find a job if there are fewer job prospects. Maybe google the “average salary” for whatever job he’s doing for the specific city you were thinking of. That could make you feel better to see a good salary or it could help you make a decision on if you want to move there or not.

[Arialeon81]

Ohhh thank you very much! In my case, I'm studying to be a translator, so I'm not very worried about my job prospects. As for him, I don't think he minds any job, maybe the only ones he wouldn't go for would be something like janitor or around that field. But either way, this is nice to know. Thank you so much.

[LisaS]

Oh glad it helped even a little! It’s always a little nerve racking for young couples to navigate careers but if you both work hard, it’ll all pay off in the end! Best of luck to you and feel free to reach out anytime!