3 years of LDR. Am I holding onto to something only because of comfort?

[xoxoxo]

Hi,

My boyfriend and I met during our undergrad. We were friends for 2 years, started dating when we were 21 and lived together for close to a year. Soon after I moved to another country for grad school whereas he stayed back to work. It has now been 2 and a half years of us being apart and it feels like the relationship is dying. There have been really bad times, but we always got through it. Recently I feel very sad, unappreciated and lonely despite being in a relationship. I feel like he just isn't there for me ever. It's just exhausting that every-time we have to meet it is planned by me, I plan trips with my friends to include him, I want to skype/facetime, I want to celebrate big occasions together whereas he just doesn't seem as involved/ interested. When I bring this up, he says he has always been like this and nothing has changed. Yes that is true, but it is making me feel miserable and he is still doing nothing about it. I am sure it is the distance, because when we are together we have the best of times. But I don't know when we will ever be in the same city again, he doesn't have any plans of coming to see me(since I haven't made a plan) and all this uncertainty is killing me. He is also kinda worked up about finding a new job, which is also why I have been cutting him some slack for a long time now. But thats adding up too, everytime he is worried or angry or anxious he calls me vents out and I calm him down. But the moment he feels a little better he is out partying with his friends, right now he is on a holiday with his friends for a week. I feel so left out from all the events or fun stuff happening in his life. I am only ever there for anything that is bad. I explained all this to him and he just said well if you want a break let me know. I am so frustrated with this whole situation that I just wanna end it. But then again I know him for so long, I don't wanna throw it away if it could be something beautiful. Maybe it's also that I don't really have much of a social life because I am so busy with work and just moved to a knew place. Any help would really be appreciated. Thanks!

[TJ-LJ]

To me, based on what you've said here, it sounds as though he's no longer interested or invested in this relationship. Maybe the distance had made this the case, or maybe it's another reason; only he can tell you this.

He should help you plan things, and not leave it all to you. In fact, he should be actively and openly wanting to plan things. And for him to come back at you with "if you want a break just let me know" when you've tried expressing your thoughts/feelings, is a sure sign that he's just not that interested. He should be trying to build this relationship, or at least help keep it afloat while you are currently long-distance, however his lack of effort should be ringing alarm bells in my opinion.

We can know people for years, but people change, feelings change, circumstances change, and often times these people aren't always going to remain in our lives. It's a sad reality, but it happens, and we move on and find something/someone new eventually.

I think you need to try to discuss your thoughts and feelings to him again, but if he isn't trying to communicate back to you and rather just suggest to take a break, I think you should really reconsider what you want and what is best for you. Good luck.