So I have met a girl over some common friends I could say. We are both around 20 years old but she lives 6000 miles away. She has been special to me from the day I met her and after a year she is still the dearest to me. We know eachother very well by know, we text everyday and often video chat, so I wanted us to meet eachother in person. She agreed and that was about 3 months ago. We were both looking forward to it. It should happen a couple months from now but she told me she isnt so sure about it anymore, saying she wants me to come but she probably wont have any free time to spend with me while I would be staying there. So I was sad about it a little and I wanted her to explain a little bit more and we would come to a sollution to that. That ofcourse didnt happen and we concluded (she did) that she doesn't want me there but she still wants to be with me. Basically she said she doesn't want anything to change. I want to respect her wishes but I also want to step up our relationship because I feel like we lost the spark a little bit. I am also scared to talk about it with her anymore since she said she would rather leave me if I don't feel like things should stay the same. I don't know what to do now. Should I try and talk about it with her even if that might mean she leaves me? Is it posibble she doesn't even love me but she is affraid to tell me that. She is the type that wouldn't want to hurt anyone. Basically at this point I just need any addvise I can get.
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I don't know how much help if any this will be, but when I first mentioned to my SO about spending Christmas together as a first visit, he told me he felt it was too soon. I was crushed and upset, but I let him know that. I had built up in my mind what it might be like, and I was so excited about it. So when he said no, it completely took the wind out of my sails.
Communication is key to any relationship, but it is magnified when you're long distance. She sounds like she's unsure what she's feeling atm. If she is an anxious person usually, then the idea might just be too much to bear right now. From what you've said, she doesn't sound either ready or comfortable to talk about it with you.
In the early days of our relationship, I didn't feel comfortable telling my SO a few things, because my anxiety had me convinced he would leave me, or take things badly. I suffered for a while before I eventually accepted that if I didn't talk to him about it, it could result in our demise, or resentment. Now, I tell him anything, because I know he's not going anywhere.
I think for some people, it just takes longer than others to fully let their guard down and to be able to be completely open and honest with one another.
My overall advice would be to be patient. That's what my guy did with me, and I came to him when I was ready to open up.
Good luck.
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