Hi I’m 19, and currently I feel I have lost and have lost my way in this long distance relationship thing. I have been with my bf James since I was 15, we met online through Facebook. At first He hasn’t seemed really interested in me at all. Never replied, never gave me the time of day. I think I had changed his point of view though because he had asked me to be his gf around March 2015, 4 months after we met. He’s my first love but, I was not his. I was always trying to get his attention and felt I really liked him and I do.
Around our 6th month mark, he cheated on me. I was very devastated, I wanted to break, cry and scream. I figured, I guess it’s inevitable. For most of the 3 years we had been together, I often pushed away friends, and family just to be close to him. I forgave him for cheating and all was well, I grew fears, and trust issues however. At 9 months he asked me to make a promise with him that we would not do anything to hurt each other like cheating.... he lied. He cheated again, and then told me 2 weeks after doing so, ignoring my love in all that time. I was recasted again, and my angry and fear grew more. The 2nd year was actually steady.... the 3rd year... he attempted to get back in contact with his ex’s and become friends with them. I was furious and told him no, he said I was unfair. And controlling. He did this again 3 months later with a girl who had been a potential love interest long before we had been together. Again, I was recasted and lashed at him. Year 4...which is now, I grew tired of pushing others away, and feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing, I try and talk to him about my aspirations when I do feel something, but he always puts them down or tells me they’re dumb and stupid. When I’ve tried to support him through everything best I can. Yet he says I just lash at him for things that literally seem like a decade ago..
Around September I started letting people back into my life, because we had been breaking up so much and fighting over and over again like a vicious cycle. The problem is...while we had been broken up, someone had helped me through the hard time. I fell for this person, but had however gotten back with my bf. I soon then forgot It, then as I had said before...we broke up again. This time I met someone who was having problems in their life, but they intrigued me. So I had pushed all my problems aside to help this person, as the feedback I had gotten after made me feel so special. I hadn’t experienced anything like it ever...it made me cry so much because I still knew I loved my previous bf. Now comes the hard part, I told this person I was single. Which I had been at the time, I entered a relationship with him.
However....my previous bf re-entered my life. I took him back. So now I have 2 bfs. One I always fight with and one who makes me feel special no matter what but lives farther away. I want to do what’s right, but I don’t know how to do it. I want to be honest but I’m scared because the thought of losing someone is scary, I have been with him for so long. My parents had approved of him before but through my last year being with him, all communication was blocked between him and my family. Due to the fact I mentally and physically tortured myself during our last break up because I had felt it was my fault. I had gone to an emergency room to have my stomach pumped for taking a whole bottle of aspirin pills. I had wanted to die, and I’m pretty close to that same feeing now....
Around our 6th month mark, he cheated on me. I was very devastated, I wanted to break, cry and scream. I figured, I guess it’s inevitable. For most of the 3 years we had been together, I often pushed away friends, and family just to be close to him. I forgave him for cheating and all was well, I grew fears, and trust issues however. At 9 months he asked me to make a promise with him that we would not do anything to hurt each other like cheating.... he lied. He cheated again, and then told me 2 weeks after doing so, ignoring my love in all that time. I was recasted again, and my angry and fear grew more. The 2nd year was actually steady.... the 3rd year... he attempted to get back in contact with his ex’s and become friends with them. I was furious and told him no, he said I was unfair. And controlling. He did this again 3 months later with a girl who had been a potential love interest long before we had been together. Again, I was recasted and lashed at him. Year 4...which is now, I grew tired of pushing others away, and feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing, I try and talk to him about my aspirations when I do feel something, but he always puts them down or tells me they’re dumb and stupid. When I’ve tried to support him through everything best I can. Yet he says I just lash at him for things that literally seem like a decade ago..
Around September I started letting people back into my life, because we had been breaking up so much and fighting over and over again like a vicious cycle. The problem is...while we had been broken up, someone had helped me through the hard time. I fell for this person, but had however gotten back with my bf. I soon then forgot It, then as I had said before...we broke up again. This time I met someone who was having problems in their life, but they intrigued me. So I had pushed all my problems aside to help this person, as the feedback I had gotten after made me feel so special. I hadn’t experienced anything like it ever...it made me cry so much because I still knew I loved my previous bf. Now comes the hard part, I told this person I was single. Which I had been at the time, I entered a relationship with him.
However....my previous bf re-entered my life. I took him back. So now I have 2 bfs. One I always fight with and one who makes me feel special no matter what but lives farther away. I want to do what’s right, but I don’t know how to do it. I want to be honest but I’m scared because the thought of losing someone is scary, I have been with him for so long. My parents had approved of him before but through my last year being with him, all communication was blocked between him and my family. Due to the fact I mentally and physically tortured myself during our last break up because I had felt it was my fault. I had gone to an emergency room to have my stomach pumped for taking a whole bottle of aspirin pills. I had wanted to die, and I’m pretty close to that same feeing now....
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