Girl in LDR - Struggling to get BF to finally 'meet' - Help? :(
Hey everyone,
This is my first post on here, so I'm a little nervous.
I'm Eve, 27. I'm a medical student living in NYC and since July 2017 I've been in a relationship with a boy from Charleston, West Virginia.
The problem is, we haven't met in person; and, now I'm really struggling to get him to meet me.
We first 'met' over Instagram. I used to attend Poetry Nights and there was a girl I'd occasionally see there (I wouldn't say we were friends, but we were on regular 'hey' terms as we were both regulars). Anyways, one night I saw a guy there whom I'd never seen before and thought was cute. I saw him talking to the girl I usually saw, and later that night while scrolling through IG I saw they were friends.
I plucked up the courage to message him and we hit it off straight away. After a week, we exchanged numbers and started talking on the phone every day.
He's a year older than me, but we have similar interests (except his taste in movies is terrible
).
Anyways, many pictures and FaceTime video calls later, I said 'let's meet' (at this point, I'll be honest, I was falling hard for him).
We arranged it, booked travel etc. Then, the day before the meet, his grandfather died. So sad, and so it never happened. He moved out to L.A for two months to take care of his grandfather's estate. And, so, seeing each other was off the cards for a while.
In early 2018, he was struggling hard with depression (his grandfather had raised him) and he said he didn't want to see me until he was at his best. Then, his sister was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (they shared an apartment) and, tragically, it was Stage 4. She only lived another two months.
He was devastated. And, he struggled for a while with self-harm and further depression. So much so that he moved back in with his Mom. After two months, he opened up to me and said he was checking into a private hospital/care facility which specialised in mental health and grief trauma.
He and his Mom used all their savings to pay for this, and in Sep 2018 he went in. It's a live-in facility, with treatment and counselling every day.
The main issue that has arisen, aside from not meeting, is his dependency on me lately. I'm a Med Student, so I'm busy A LOT, but in my spare time I'd go to a poetry night or maybe to the local studio to play some drums, or grab a drink with my girlfriends. I no longer do any of this. When I'm home, he needs me on the phone or text or FaceTime, it seems, just to get through the day. My social life has vanished.
He says 'I just need it while I'm in here, I know I put a lot on you' - And, as he doesn't know when he'll be out, yet (the treatment is ongoing), I'm left with no life outside of work and his dependency. The kicker, is that I'm head over heels in love with him.
The girl I knew from poetry recently moved to England for work (she and I had a conversation before she left), not that she was a friend I could confide in, but I'd thought about approaching her for info on my BF.
My family are all sceptical, some of you reading this may be, too. The amount of times I've heard 'it's not real', 'how do you know who he says he is', it's wearing thin.
I'm really asking for some advice, as I'm so lost? Heart and head are miles apart now, and I'm struggling with depression myself because of it.
Meeting up now seems so far away, and I feel responsible for his well being because he's become so reliant on me. I love him, and I feel bad, because he's been such awful grief.
Any thoughts or advice is very welcome.
Regards,
Eve
(A quick note: I am soon to be a doctor, and all of the medical stuff checks out. My friend keeps hinting to me that 'it's all a story I've fallen for)
This is my first post on here, so I'm a little nervous.
I'm Eve, 27. I'm a medical student living in NYC and since July 2017 I've been in a relationship with a boy from Charleston, West Virginia.
The problem is, we haven't met in person; and, now I'm really struggling to get him to meet me.
We first 'met' over Instagram. I used to attend Poetry Nights and there was a girl I'd occasionally see there (I wouldn't say we were friends, but we were on regular 'hey' terms as we were both regulars). Anyways, one night I saw a guy there whom I'd never seen before and thought was cute. I saw him talking to the girl I usually saw, and later that night while scrolling through IG I saw they were friends.
I plucked up the courage to message him and we hit it off straight away. After a week, we exchanged numbers and started talking on the phone every day.
He's a year older than me, but we have similar interests (except his taste in movies is terrible
).Anyways, many pictures and FaceTime video calls later, I said 'let's meet' (at this point, I'll be honest, I was falling hard for him).
We arranged it, booked travel etc. Then, the day before the meet, his grandfather died. So sad, and so it never happened. He moved out to L.A for two months to take care of his grandfather's estate. And, so, seeing each other was off the cards for a while.
In early 2018, he was struggling hard with depression (his grandfather had raised him) and he said he didn't want to see me until he was at his best. Then, his sister was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (they shared an apartment) and, tragically, it was Stage 4. She only lived another two months.
He was devastated. And, he struggled for a while with self-harm and further depression. So much so that he moved back in with his Mom. After two months, he opened up to me and said he was checking into a private hospital/care facility which specialised in mental health and grief trauma.
He and his Mom used all their savings to pay for this, and in Sep 2018 he went in. It's a live-in facility, with treatment and counselling every day.
The main issue that has arisen, aside from not meeting, is his dependency on me lately. I'm a Med Student, so I'm busy A LOT, but in my spare time I'd go to a poetry night or maybe to the local studio to play some drums, or grab a drink with my girlfriends. I no longer do any of this. When I'm home, he needs me on the phone or text or FaceTime, it seems, just to get through the day. My social life has vanished.
He says 'I just need it while I'm in here, I know I put a lot on you' - And, as he doesn't know when he'll be out, yet (the treatment is ongoing), I'm left with no life outside of work and his dependency. The kicker, is that I'm head over heels in love with him.
The girl I knew from poetry recently moved to England for work (she and I had a conversation before she left), not that she was a friend I could confide in, but I'd thought about approaching her for info on my BF.
My family are all sceptical, some of you reading this may be, too. The amount of times I've heard 'it's not real', 'how do you know who he says he is', it's wearing thin.
I'm really asking for some advice, as I'm so lost? Heart and head are miles apart now, and I'm struggling with depression myself because of it.
Meeting up now seems so far away, and I feel responsible for his well being because he's become so reliant on me. I love him, and I feel bad, because he's been such awful grief.
Any thoughts or advice is very welcome.
Regards,
Eve
(A quick note: I am soon to be a doctor, and all of the medical stuff checks out. My friend keeps hinting to me that 'it's all a story I've fallen for)
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