Hello everyone!
I (18F) met my boyfriend in an online community about 3 years ago. We were good friends at first, both attracted to each other but keeping it a secret, too scared to advance. However we began regularly talking almost a year ago. We started "dating" a few weeks after. Daily video calls, lots of meaningful conversations. We haven't been able to meet up, mostly due to school and my parents' concern (we live about 1000 miles apart). This is about to change, though, we're planning a meeting in a few months. Me and my family would spend some time in his city on vacation. I'm excited to finally see him, however a lot of negative thoughts have been making me doubt whether that's a a good idea or not.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore him. He's my first love, and it might be the purple haze making me say this, but he's everything I wanted in a person. No one gets me the way he does. We never had any serious fights.
But the harsh reality is, I'm starting medical university in September. Meaning lots and lots of studying, dedication, hard work, and hours upon hours spent in school. Little to no free time for calls and regular visits. He's also in education at the moment, but he has a lot more free time than I'm going to have. In the past month, I started realising that our relationship might not hold much future. The nearest closing date is 6 years, provided that I don't fail any of the years and I can find a job as a resident in his country. I'm afraid of meeting him, because I fear that we might really fall in love with each other and that a breakup is inevitable. I don't want to hurt him more than I have to.
I've been addressing my concerns with my mother. Even though she's been really sceptical about us from the start, she thinks we should meet and then I should give myself some time to reevaluate everything. And that maybe the two of us could contact each other again when my studies are over.
I brought the topic up with him, too. That what we have might not be permanent due to my studies. He was absolutely devastated. He told me he wants to keep going on, and fighting for us. He wants me in his life. I hated seeing him this hurt. I hate myself for hurting him so much.
We're both very young. I'm afraid that if I don't make the decision, I'll shut the both of us in boxes. That I'll neglect him in favor of studying. And that I'll cut him off from other local girls who could potentially give him the love, attention and presence he really deserves.
I've been getting awful anxiety over this. I hardly call him lately, because if I do, these thoughts start plaguing me all over again, and I need to focus on my studies more than anything now.
I wanted to ask for advice, specifically from LDR people in medical school. Is there a viable way to manage an LDR with med school in the way? Is it realistic to keep this going? Should I break everything down to him and end this...? He means so much to me, I'm just so afraid of hurting him...
Your responses are greatly appreciated!
I (18F) met my boyfriend in an online community about 3 years ago. We were good friends at first, both attracted to each other but keeping it a secret, too scared to advance. However we began regularly talking almost a year ago. We started "dating" a few weeks after. Daily video calls, lots of meaningful conversations. We haven't been able to meet up, mostly due to school and my parents' concern (we live about 1000 miles apart). This is about to change, though, we're planning a meeting in a few months. Me and my family would spend some time in his city on vacation. I'm excited to finally see him, however a lot of negative thoughts have been making me doubt whether that's a a good idea or not.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore him. He's my first love, and it might be the purple haze making me say this, but he's everything I wanted in a person. No one gets me the way he does. We never had any serious fights.
But the harsh reality is, I'm starting medical university in September. Meaning lots and lots of studying, dedication, hard work, and hours upon hours spent in school. Little to no free time for calls and regular visits. He's also in education at the moment, but he has a lot more free time than I'm going to have. In the past month, I started realising that our relationship might not hold much future. The nearest closing date is 6 years, provided that I don't fail any of the years and I can find a job as a resident in his country. I'm afraid of meeting him, because I fear that we might really fall in love with each other and that a breakup is inevitable. I don't want to hurt him more than I have to.
I've been addressing my concerns with my mother. Even though she's been really sceptical about us from the start, she thinks we should meet and then I should give myself some time to reevaluate everything. And that maybe the two of us could contact each other again when my studies are over.
I brought the topic up with him, too. That what we have might not be permanent due to my studies. He was absolutely devastated. He told me he wants to keep going on, and fighting for us. He wants me in his life. I hated seeing him this hurt. I hate myself for hurting him so much.
We're both very young. I'm afraid that if I don't make the decision, I'll shut the both of us in boxes. That I'll neglect him in favor of studying. And that I'll cut him off from other local girls who could potentially give him the love, attention and presence he really deserves.
I've been getting awful anxiety over this. I hardly call him lately, because if I do, these thoughts start plaguing me all over again, and I need to focus on my studies more than anything now.
I wanted to ask for advice, specifically from LDR people in medical school. Is there a viable way to manage an LDR with med school in the way? Is it realistic to keep this going? Should I break everything down to him and end this...? He means so much to me, I'm just so afraid of hurting him...
Your responses are greatly appreciated!
) .. I dont think breaking up something just so you dont potentially get hurt later is ever a good thing.. You have to try, thats relationships.. they might not have a happy end, but it will be a happy journey.
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