I closed distane to find out I've been betrayed, dont know what to do

[AnalogueAnimal]

Its been 6 months since I found out about her cheating. I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years and I met her a few times. I closed the distance by moving to her country 2 years ago. 6 months ago I found out that she started looking for a guy to have sex with. She told him she wants regular sex. She would book hotel rooms, ask the guy to come over for sex (I have evidence of everything). This used to happen several times a month. She even started going out with him for coffee or food when I was busy working hard, saving money to close the distance. She would often accuse me of cheating even though she was doing it herself. She even told him if she would get pregnant, she would abort the baby. She never felt any remorse to confess at all. In the beginning of my relationship, I told her my biggest fear is getting cheated and if she felt the need to cheat, she should break up first. She often told me how men cheat on wives. I b

After I confronted her about it, she refused to tell me anything in detail. she told me she was frustrated and just had sex couple of times. I started to fall into depression and lost confidence in myself. I left her twice and she asked me to give her a chance. I spent months trying to rebuild the relationship, It was hard, I never tried to control her, never checked her phone, never asked her where she was. I used to get upset once in a while and when I did, I would breakdown, sometimes cry and ask her why she let me come here and play with my life. Later I found out, she did not cheat a few times but for a whole year. I got upset again and broke down and told her I . She even slept with him before valentines day.

I finally had a talk with her and she kept telling me how much I hurt her, I never tried to control her, never checked her phone but I still tired to pursue for closure and apparently, that hurt her so much. She acted like she was the victim, that I'm stressing her out and even told me I'm poison. I couldn't believe it, I told her I've decided to leave the country permanently and she broke down and cried upon hearing that. She told me she doesn't want me to leave the country and doesn't want a relationship either. She maybe wants a relationship in the future but not now.

[Sun_King]

Sorry to hear all this. I think the best option is for you to leave and take the time to heal. She's stringing you along and wants a male orbiter, or an "emotional tampon" to give her those warm fuzzy feelings. The fact that she didn't respect you enough to not state her intent speaks volumes: you're not the man she wants. She's not fit for monogamy and clearly wants friends with benefits. Don't allow yourself to be sloppy seconds. It hurts a lot and you're coming from a position of strong emotional attachment, but you will find a woman who wants you and only you. You will only wind up used, abused, and if you stick with her, you will always have to sleep with one eye open. It won't end well, this is who she was before you even met her.

The fact she cited that men cheat on wives tells me she was wounded or suffers from abandonment issues or perhaps another undisclosed mental disorder, in essence giving herself a pass and "permission" to cheat. She will never be loyal. If you need help, me and many others the forum can offer insight. Please don't torture yourself any longer.

[snow]

Its been 6 months since I found out about her cheating. I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years and I met her a few times. I closed the distance by moving to her country 2 years ago. 6 months ago I found out that she started looking for a guy to have sex with. She told him she wants regular sex. She would book hotel rooms, ask the guy to come over for sex (I have evidence of everything). This used to happen several times a month. She even started going out with him for coffee or food when I was busy working hard, saving money to close the distance. She would often accuse me of cheating even though she was doing it herself. She even told him if she would get pregnant, she would abort the baby. She never felt any remorse to confess at all. In the beginning of my relationship, I told her my biggest fear is getting cheated and if she felt the need to cheat, she should break up first. She often told me how men cheat on wives. I b

After I confronted her about it, she refused to tell me anything in detail. she told me she was frustrated and just had sex couple of times. I started to fall into depression and lost confidence in myself. I left her twice and she asked me to give her a chance. I spent months trying to rebuild the relationship, It was hard, I never tried to control her, never checked her phone, never asked her where she was. I used to get upset once in a while and when I did, I would breakdown, sometimes cry and ask her why she let me come here and play with my life. Later I found out, she did not cheat a few times but for a whole year. I got upset again and broke down and told her I . She even slept with him before valentines day.

I finally had a talk with her and she kept telling me how much I hurt her, I never tried to control her, never checked her phone but I still tired to pursue for closure and apparently, that hurt her so much. She acted like she was the victim, that I'm stressing her out and even told me I'm poison. I couldn't believe it, I told her I've decided to leave the country permanently and she broke down and cried upon hearing that. She told me she doesn't want me to leave the country and doesn't want a relationship either. She maybe wants a relationship in the future but not now.

Don't you go back to her. She does not respect you. She wants her cake and eat it too and it is absolutely disrespectful to you.
You told her the worst fear was to be cheated on and then she does it and not only does it do it for a year, she is not remorseful at all.

It's horrible, I can't even imagine what I'd do if I found out this happened to me, but you don't need that in your life. You gave up to much to receive so little respect in return.