help/advice and opinions needed :)

[Mr Gravzy]

i'm sorry if this is in the incorrect place.
So.. i'm from the UK and my ldr girlfriend for the last year and a half is from Slovenia. She is the first girl i've ever truely loved and cared for, however lately shes stopped me from caring about her. So the last 3 months she's seriously pushed me away, like no calls, no real conversation and zero interaction. Baring in mind she is currently studying for her exam which is this month i've been trying to convince myself that is why shes being distant as i know she is stressed and worried (even though she has nothing to worry about and i'm super proud of her). The thing that is concerning is, she keeps telling me i'm manipulative and controlling yet even from something so small to asking her a question or asking her what shes been upto she acts as if i'm being intrusive.. or even when i give her my opinion on say.... which hairstyle of hers i like the best during a conversation, she goes into a strop and again thinks im trying to control her. Ok so, this girl was an underwear model... i naturally expect her to get attention, and so she does. It's how she deals with the attention that makes me cautious, when i said above she pushed me away, i noticed one day during that 3 month period while she showed me something on her screen the chat app we use to call suddenly had a bunch of people on which were not there before.. having being pushed away and getting the feeling she doesnt have time as her exams are coming up.. it did not feel nice to see what had occurred during that time and realise she had time for others, but not me. when we met we always said we'd play video games together and make some friends together, however unfortunately guys online tend to throw themselves at females which naturally makes it hard to make friends together as all they are actually interested in is chatting to her and going as far as flirting. It may sound far fetched but she messed up one time and i saw messages from one of the guys she was talking to, we use to screenshare and watch movies together but this guy got so into her life, i stopped enjoying movies with her because all she was doing the whole time was talking to him.....

I really could go on but my point is, she likes the male attention and for me deals with it incorrectly, she sees it hurts but still.. in her words "it makes her feel alive". We can no longer do anything together because she has that many guys (FACT - she has 0 female friends) messaging her and her attitude is to respond to them straight away she just pushes me away while she chats with them and leaves me waiting and even goes so far as ignoring me. i have given her everything i could, i've changed my lifestyle for her, i push myself for her, i pay for us to meet each time, i send her gifts each month i get paid as she is at university and does not have income so i feel its only fair from me as a person to spoil her.
Our argument is, i am committed to her and she is committed to everyone else. Her last words 2 days ago were I cannot stop her from meeting someone else and she wont let me, she claims this is why i have to treat her right and love her, so that she doesnt leave me? i'm sorry but that just sounds like blackmail to me... especially when i no longer get anything from her, no time, no effort, no appreciation. i just get insulted, rejected and generally neglected

I could have wrote so much more but i'll leave it at that..... please someone advise me on what is going on, am i in the wrong because she claims i am... however i feel like a relationship is a relationship, you do not go out your way to try and meet other people.... you meet friends, but to me a friend would not flirt?... and a real woman would not allow the 50 guys she claims to have messaging her on text and our chat app to get that far into our relationship she no longer has time for me.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

She doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. She likes the attention of as many guys as she can juggle. It doesn't sound like she truly cares for you to me. If she did, she wouldn't act that way.
As a comparison for you, I love my guy above and beyond anything and anyone. If he ever said that something I did upset him in any way, I would apologise profusely, stop doing it, or at least find a gentler way to navigate it. I would never chat to 50 other guys at the same time, and certainly never flirt with them. There may be 1000s of miles between us, but I know my guy is the same to me. He hates to see me sad, and he does everything he can to cherish me and show me he loves me, and I do the same for him. We are always there for one another if we are having a rough time. We are best friends as well as partners. I know he doesn't have much money atm, so I don't expect gifts from him. He did send me something when he had some spare cash, and even though it wasn't a big thing, I treasure it immensely and will keep it forever. He was just saying to me tonight about how he feels he should be trying more with taking photos to send me, as I send him a lot. Little things like that make all the difference. We never accuse each other of being controlling or manipulative. We give each other space to be who we are without criticizing or belittling each other.
Someone who truly loves you will show you respect, the same as you give them. When things become a one way street, it's no longer a proper partnership. No one person should be giving their all and getting a cold shoulder back. That isn't love.

[Sun_King]

i'm sorry if this is in the incorrect place.
So.. i'm from the UK and my ldr girlfriend for the last year and a half is from Slovenia. She is the first girl i've ever truely loved and cared for, however lately shes stopped me from caring about her. So the last 3 months she's seriously pushed me away, like no calls, no real conversation and zero interaction. Baring in mind she is currently studying for her exam which is this month i've been trying to convince myself that is why shes being distant as i know she is stressed and worried (even though she has nothing to worry about and i'm super proud of her). The thing that is concerning is, she keeps telling me i'm manipulative and controlling yet even from something so small to asking her a question or asking her what shes been upto she acts as if i'm being intrusive.. or even when i give her my opinion on say.... which hairstyle of hers i like the best during a conversation, she goes into a strop and again thinks im trying to control her. Ok so, this girl was an underwear model... i naturally expect her to get attention, and so she does. It's how she deals with the attention that makes me cautious, when i said above she pushed me away, i noticed one day during that 3 month period while she showed me something on her screen the chat app we use to call suddenly had a bunch of people on which were not there before.. having being pushed away and getting the feeling she doesnt have time as her exams are coming up.. it did not feel nice to see what had occurred during that time and realise she had time for others, but not me. when we met we always said we'd play video games together and make some friends together, however unfortunately guys online tend to throw themselves at females which naturally makes it hard to make friends together as all they are actually interested in is chatting to her and going as far as flirting. It may sound far fetched but she messed up one time and i saw messages from one of the guys she was talking to, we use to screenshare and watch movies together but this guy got so into her life, i stopped enjoying movies with her because all she was doing the whole time was talking to him.....

I really could go on but my point is, she likes the male attention and for me deals with it incorrectly, she sees it hurts but still.. in her words "it makes her feel alive". We can no longer do anything together because she has that many guys (FACT - she has 0 female friends) messaging her and her attitude is to respond to them straight away she just pushes me away while she chats with them and leaves me waiting and even goes so far as ignoring me. i have given her everything i could, i've changed my lifestyle for her, i push myself for her, i pay for us to meet each time, i send her gifts each month i get paid as she is at university and does not have income so i feel its only fair from me as a person to spoil her.
Our argument is, i am committed to her and she is committed to everyone else. Her last words 2 days ago were I cannot stop her from meeting someone else and she wont let me, she claims this is why i have to treat her right and love her, so that she doesnt leave me? i'm sorry but that just sounds like blackmail to me... especially when i no longer get anything from her, no time, no effort, no appreciation. i just get insulted, rejected and generally neglected

I could have wrote so much more but i'll leave it at that..... please someone advise me on what is going on, am i in the wrong because she claims i am... however i feel like a relationship is a relationship, you do not go out your way to try and meet other people.... you meet friends, but to me a friend would not flirt?... and a real woman would not allow the 50 guys she claims to have messaging her on text and our chat app to get that far into our relationship she no longer has time for me.

Hey man, quick tidbits of wisdom. The quickest way to get someone's attention is to take away yours. Focus on yourself and your life, do things you enjoy. Don't force her to do anything. You've said your piece and gave your concerns on multiple occasions. Relationships are like games of tennis, once you bounce it on their court, they choose to either participate or not, but you leave it and don't chase. In other words, unless you hear back, do not keep reaching out. Reciprocate only.

If she values your time and attention, she will get back to you and make a concerted effort because remember, you are worth it! Don't simply improve for her sake either. Do it for you. If you keep compromising your values and happiness for someone who is unconcerned or ungrateful, you'll only stress and burn yourself out. Think of it this way, by letting the male attention have a bigger impact on you than on her, you're doing the same thing all these other men are doing: blowing up her phone and seeking validation. So stop it. Let her prove she deserves your loyalty and commitment for a change.

You're not being a jerk, vindictive, manipulative, controlling, needy or insecure or any other nonsense by stepping away. You're simply valuing yourself. If it comes up in conversation, don't be passive aggressive, be the good person you know you are to be but don't be a doormat and be at her beck and call again because she'll feel she can have you anytime and blow you off. Be stern and loving with what you want and need from her. I know it might be hard at first, but you'll feel that much better. Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Stop carving a hole in your heart, control is an illusion. She will do what she wants and there is nothing you can do to change that. Love her, but love yourself more.

"Love in such a way that the person being loved feels free."

[Sun_King]

Adding onto my previous comment, it sounds a tad like she may have narcissistic tendencies. Also, in that comment with her stating you couldn't stop her from meeting anyone else, it almost sounds as if she's the type of girl who will attempt to line up your replacement so long as she's dissatisfied in the relationship. This is a very insecure personality trait rooted in fear, which may also lead to future heartbreak and disloyalty. I don't wish to scare you, but there are certain people who are not cut out for monogamy due to personality. Helping her and trying to fix her life will not resolve this. Some people are "energy" as well as financial vampires and will drain you until you are a bitter-husk. I don't know her personally nor how she behaved before this huge drama started, but these aspects are one of quite a few red flags. If you're both coming from fearful positions, it will only blowup. My commentary from my previous post still stands, of course.

[Mr Gravzy]

Hey, thanks so much for the replies, much love. What you've said I completely agree with, the second statement is nothing but truth and its what I'm afraid of, I guess yeah I'm trying to change her.. Partially because for over a year she was not like that, she showed so much love and commitment. She's asked me to leave her alone till after her exam which is what I'm trying as hard as it is, she's not said a word but she did send me a love song as cringy as it seems haha which the video was exactly me and her irl, two people at a lake singing about how they can't be without each other. Not sure if this is another game but... :/

[Sun_King]

No problem man,

The thing is, you have to let her come and go. Being all over her won't make you appear more attractive nor entice her to want to see you. Giving her the gift of missing you is what's best. Then you will appear as her best option. This is moreso about human nature in general. Sometimes life happens and people get tied down to other commitments. I know it because my lady was in med school for a while before tuition got too crazy high. Now we both work like crazy and only have time during certain nights. Sometimes us men, especially in the "honeymoon phase" get so spoiled by the amount and love and attention our lady gives us, we start to cohabit it. When left unchecked, normally good, stable guys can become neurotic and a bit crazed. All this is especially hard for LDR couples.

Otherwise, you come off as needy and insecure. If she does happen to be a stable human being after all, accept that her being an underwear model was part of whom she was before you two began dating. Respect her boundaries and the space she has requested from you. She will seek you out when she is curious and misses you. This also means stop using the messaging app, especially if just to see if she went online. If it's too much to bear, look at old pictures the two of you have shared, or do the healthy thing of occupying your other hobbies and interests.

Her sending you a love song is a subtle way of saying "I miss you" without verbally stating it. Not much different than a random quick call asking how you've been doing. Just focus on you in the meantime. Try an activity of pros and cons. On one side write all the positives of continuing your good behavior and staying centered and calm, then on the other write the cons of if you don't retain it.

Can't really say myself if it's a game or not, though based on the previous snippets you've shared about her it may or may not be. But I wouldn't call it that unless she gives you a reason to think it is. Unless the two of you have a personal song together.

At the end of it all, relationships are a two-way street. Don't find yourself expending all this excess energy, and don't focus whether you're getting nothing in return. People come into relationships to give to one another, so if you give more and more all that happens is you become bitter and resentful when the other party either can't or won't.