End of 4 weeks together

[Mar939]

Hi all,

I'm back from my so country. I lived there for 4 weeks and yea it was a crazy rollercoaster.
I will give you a quick fly thro my holiday.

First week was a hell. He didn't pick me up from the airport, he was away every night so we saw each other less. I had a lot of questions about this because I knew he was seeing some girl.
So one day I was so confussed I saw on his phone display "baby" and saw a text love you in his language. I was so angry but didn't ask. After some time he asked me what was the matter.
I told him what I saw and he answered that it was a code language and that he need to do it this way because the police is tracking his phone. ( I dont wanna tell details about that but he has some business to do).
I had no facts then just believe his words.

After the first week he was sometimes at home and some time he was away. We did some nice activities and we really enjoyed it. So it got a bit better.

3th week Again he was every night away but then I kinda made the choice to do my own things because he just didn't give a .. about me.
So I met a friend and we chilled out but one day we were watching movie in the car but I felt asleep and was so tired that I wanted to go home. So I said to my friend you can come to my house but we will sleep separated because I have a relationship.

Normally my so wouldn't come home and guess what knock knock on the window. I kinda start panicking because I had my friend at home.
Everything escalated. he grabbed my friend by his neck smashed his head against the mirror and screamed towards him.

he didn't believe that we didn't do anything etc. I understand his feelings absolutly and I felt guilty for that I took him home althou we did nothing as watching movie. but the idea I would visit my house and see a girl in my house wouldn't like that too.
So we got into a huge fight, I told him everything what was on my mind like "you leave as garbage 3 weeks long, I came over for you and you do this to me. Aint gonna wait every night, 4 weeks long that you make some time for me. i just wanted to chill, I was done waiting for you." etc.
Again he explained his business to me and that all he wants is to be with me blablabla.
On that point he ended the relationship.

Same moment he is a kinda guy that just leave a girl if she make one fault. He just go. Instead he went to the livingroom and just sit and think.
He said: I dont know why I can't leave you, I care so much about you, You have no idea. he cried.
I know that my man isn't a person which admit to his feelings.

On that point it was clear to me that he trully cares for me and loves me. Out of previous story's which I heared of his friend; She said he do give about you.
So I'm actually happy that this happend. It cleared the sky.

After some day my so had a day off but he was away from home.
A security guy went to me, he wanted to talk about my so. I was like uhmm ok.

He told me things about that woman (things I already knew tho) and that it isn't what it looks like etc.
But funny thing this guy lied about his own situation from the beginning so I had my doubts. He doesnt know me, my so and that woman so who do you think you are?
Alright I started to get confussed, I heared story's everywhere, WHICH TO BELIEVEEE!? I really had enough of all those things.

So my so called me that he wanted me to come home, so I did. I felt that there was something going on with him.
He asked how my day was and he was digging for more.

Once I lost my patience I said im done with all those people tryna interfere into our relationship, tryna tear us apart. It really was that way.
My so started the laugh he said they are all jealouse! Hope you don't believe him.
I said NO, he lied he was single but I know he has a pregnant woman at home lol, and my friend told me that her brother needed to do a good word towards me so that security guy had a change to have me lol

I WAS SO CONFUSSEEEDD

I had only a few days left and had a hard time for leaving him because we haven't been really together in 4 weeks. In the last 2 days we spoke about some agreements and "rules".
Last days I had a good time but I felt horrible to leave, luckily if everything goes well his business is over into 2 weeks and he will get me back around August 10th.

All by all we learned a lot about each other in 4 weeks, we been thro a valley but finished stronger.
Ofcourse there happend lot of more things but those were the highlights XD

Hope around August everything will be better for real.

Can tell you my story is weird and rough but challenging Keep my eyes open

have a nice day yall!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I know we have talked a bit one on one before now, so I hope you take my post with good intentions and a genuine concern for you.

There are a lot of red flags that you have mentioned to date, but especially in this post.

He physically assaulted your friend. There is no justification for this behaviour at all. He was not defending himself, and neither of you were in danger.

He's not spending time with you.

He's seeing another woman and telling her he loves her.

He has the village telling you what a nice guy he is. Why would anyone else need to tell you that? Surely it would be obvious?

He cried in front of you. Of course it's usually considered a good thing when your SO cries in front of you, but in this case I feel it is to emotionally manipulate you. He'd just physically assaulted your friend, then realised what he's done in front of you, he enacted damage limitation. How can I get her to feel bad for me, and not end it right here? I wouldn't believe his tears.

His friend then tells you about how he never cries, getting you to believe that he has changed because of you.

He says he doesn't know why he can't just end it with you. So he wants to, but he doesn't have the guts and/or he knows you'll let him do whatever he wants and stay by his side because you love him.

I'm sorry if this reply sounds harsh, but I am genuinely concerned for you. He doesn't sound like a good guy to me at all. He's cheating, lying, physically aggressive, emotionally manipulative.

I strongly suggest that you walk away from him and never look back. He is not worth your time, energy or love. He doesn't love you, despite what he says. He is using you because you stay with him and let him get away with it.
If you break up with him when you are back in your own country, what can he really do about it? If he keeps messaging or calling you, tell the police. He is a dangerous man. I don't even want to know what the business is that he has going on.

[Mar939]

I know we have talked a bit one on one before now, so I hope you take my post with good intentions and a genuine concern for you.

There are a lot of red flags that you have mentioned to date, but especially in this post.

He physically assaulted your friend. There is no justification for this behaviour at all. He was not defending himself, and neither of you were in danger.

He's not spending time with you.

He's seeing another woman and telling her he loves her.

He has the village telling you what a nice guy he is. Why would anyone else need to tell you that? Surely it would be obvious?

He cried in front of you. Of course it's usually considered a good thing when your SO cries in front of you, but in this case I feel it is to emotionally manipulate you. He'd just physically assaulted your friend, then realised what he's done in front of you, he enacted damage limitation. How can I get her to feel bad for me, and not end it right here? I wouldn't believe his tears.

His friend then tells you about how he never cries, getting you to believe that he has changed because of you.

He says he doesn't know why he can't just end it with you. So he wants to, but he doesn't have the guts and/or he knows you'll let him do whatever he wants and stay by his side because you love him.

I'm sorry if this reply sounds harsh, but I am genuinely concerned for you. He doesn't sound like a good guy to me at all. He's cheating, lying, physically aggressive, emotionally manipulative.

I strongly suggest that you walk away from him and never look back. He is not worth your time, energy or love. He doesn't love you, despite what he says. He is using you because you stay with him and let him get away with it.
If you break up with him when you are back in your own country, what can he really do about it? If he keeps messaging or calling you, tell the police. He is a dangerous man. I don't even want to know what the business is that he has going on.

Hi Atlantic,

Ofcourse I take your response as a good intention. Thank you for taking time to reply.

I also dont know what to believe about this woman. I hear 1000 storys about her from everyone around me so I have no idea what to believe so I created my own story to it and all I can do is sit and observate. I know where she works, I have seen her and as I can believe my man she is a lesbian. Point is none of those storys have proves and facts.
Next week she will be out of the bussines and gone for always. She will move back to Curacao. I told him I dont wanna see anything anymore of her. If it will, I ll quit everything between my so and me.

Since our fight He have seen that I have balls too lol I see in every action of him that he is afraid of losing me. Im still discovering if it is love or it is something else like "what makes me so intereste for you". From now I wanna believe it is his love but you know I got that red flagg too.

About that friend which I met there. It was a guy, it is not done to have a man friend over there. I didnt know thats why he got so mad and besides that it was a friend of him.
He felt very betrayed because he thought we did "things". Which we didn't but he has zero trust when it comes to man/woman. ( long story)
I understand his feeling because I didnt play it fair too. I didnt tell him about that I went to a party with him or left the house to chill out with him. Just because of his reaction.

He wanted to end it because he thought I cheated on him. I didn't. then in front of me he tells me he never lies. When He told me that; I laughed like wow thats one big lie lol.

I appreciate your concerns for real. I see exactly what you see but there is so much around it. I have to discover if he is playing this game for real or not.

Since our fight things got a lot better. We been more open to each other and I'm very clear to him. When there is something on my mind, I just tell him wht my problem is.
The bussines he is doing is nothing to worry about. I know what he is up to.

He found a way to come over to my country and Im happy for that. He is open to meet some family members.
We set up a new meeting in August, I set up a lot of bounderies for him. All I hope for is that it works out the way I expect.

And if it goes wrong I know were to go. I have got some "family" over there which will take care of me. Im lucky of that.

Maybe this sounds like im blinded for all things what you said. I dont want to come over like that. But besides of this story there is much more going on. Wish could tell that but life is life.

Again thank you for your time