Are we drifting apart?

[egk]

Hi I'm new to this forum, but I need some support from people going through the same thing.

I met my boyfriend while studying abroad in Italy (I know total cliché). He's still there and I'm back in the states. The last time I saw him was beginning of June and the next time he says he'll visit is October. We started fast, which might've been the first mistake, but I've never been happier than being with him. That being said, he works at a club so his work starts when my day begins because of the time difference. The not talking has been hard, but knowing I'll be with him eventually makes it ok. However, recently our conversations mostly just feel like they're out of habit, and we usually FaceTime once a week but its been a few weeks since our last face time. I tried talking to him today, but he got really upset about me not being understanding of his work schedule. I just wanted to see his face for a few minutes while he was at home. He also hasn't been talking to me about things going on with him, and it's really hard for me to open up with him and communicate when I feel like he just keeps everything inside. I feel like im always the one trying to reach out or talk, but also the only one who brings up anything thats concerning. I love him so much, but I just feel really alone, not only physically but in this relationship. I dont know what to do. He said he can FaceTime in a few days, but I dont want the time we have to be about me being sad in the relationship, because im worried that my own insecurities will just talk this relationship into demise. Help me please.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Hello.

I can empathise with you on this. I was a lot like this in the beginning with my SO. I think the important thing I have learnt is not to try and make him discuss things going on with him. By all means, you can say what's happening for you. But don't be discouraged from sharing with him simply because he doesn't do so with you.
It took awhile for my man to feel safe to open up and share with me about his feelings and emotions, and I was the same.

My SO is the same generally speaking, but that is simply how he works. Some people are happy to talk through their innermost worries and feelings, and others aren't. We have dropped off a lot with our calls over time, but that is down to various things for us. As your relationship develops, the patterns will change and vary considerably. Try not to panic when that happens, but take time to adjust. You can try to set a schedule for your communications too, which may help.

Me and FH have Mon-Fri general messaging on the site where we met, and we try to have google weekends. They don't always include a call, but sometimes they will. We talk on a couple of other sites too, on an ad hoc basis. The only thing I always do every day is say goodnight.

In terms of visits for us, we're having to wait until Christmas to meet again, and our last visit was in february. So, it is possible to survive it! We've done half of the time now (22 weeks), but it does feel long.

I'm currently reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I have found it immensely helpful in understanding the different ways me and my SO communicate and our thinking styles. It isn't an absolute guide of course, but I think it's worth a look.

In terms of therapy, I'd say give it try if you can. If it doesn't work for you, then you haven't lost anything by trying it out.

I'm currently doing DBT, and it's emotionally hard for me, but I believe that is part of it. When I come home from my group session, I just go straight to bed. I find the one-to-one sessions are a good opportunity for me to get my worries out, and the group setting focuses on thinking patterns and how we react to things. Each part has its place.

I hope things improve for you.