My boyfriend doesn't mind the distance but I do...
I have been in an LDR for almost one year and I am deeply attached to my partner. We are 20 and 21 years old respectively, both university students. For 9 months we were on a different continent (him in Europe and me in Canada, he visited last Christmas), now we are in the same country but a different city. I love the time we spend together but I find the repeated separations very difficult, the loneliness and longing weigh down on me quite a lot. In order to feel better I would need regular contact (texts / FaceTime / phone calls), but he is very busy and independent. He doesn't like writing so texts are short and rare, he can go for a few days with no contact at all, and FaceTime session are usually just once/maybe twice a week depending on his studies, his family and his friends. When we have to separate at the end of a visit, I feel devastated and heartbroken (although it might not be very noticeable to him as I usually break down after he's gone), while he never seems very upset. When it comes to planning weekends together, he often takes last-minute decisions so there is a lot of uncertainty for me and most of the time I don't have a fixed reunion date to look forward to, which doesn't help with the sadness and anxiety.
All these factors make me think that he is handling the distance a lot better than I am, or even that he likes his independence and might not be bothered by the fact that we live away from each other. (Just to make things clear, this doesn't mean I doubt his feelings or think he might be cheating or losing interest; he is very honest and showers me with affection when we are together. The issues only arise when we are apart.)
Knowing this, I am not sure what to do: should I tell him how much I suffer from the distance, and try to ask for more contact? I am afraid it might make me look clingy, demanding and annoying; but at the same time I feel like it might be helpful to open up about this problem. I am also a bit concerned for our future. For the next 2 years we can't live closer to each other because we are studying at different universities. However, I would REALLY like to end the distance as soon as I finish my master's degree in 2 years; I am thinking of applying to his school for a PhD. I would need to know during this winter if he agrees with the idea so I can start to network and handle the application process early enough. The problem is, I am really afraid to ask. If he indeed doesn't mind living apart, there are risks that he won't be interested in closing the distance, or even that he doesn't see a future together. So my second question is: would it be a good idea to have this talk about the future after more than a year of being together? Would it be reasonable to close the distance after 3 years together, despite our young age? Or am I just rushing things and expecting too much?
Any advice would be appreciated, especially if some of you have been in a similar situation with different communication needs / attachment styles from both partners. Thank you in advance!
All these factors make me think that he is handling the distance a lot better than I am, or even that he likes his independence and might not be bothered by the fact that we live away from each other. (Just to make things clear, this doesn't mean I doubt his feelings or think he might be cheating or losing interest; he is very honest and showers me with affection when we are together. The issues only arise when we are apart.)
Knowing this, I am not sure what to do: should I tell him how much I suffer from the distance, and try to ask for more contact? I am afraid it might make me look clingy, demanding and annoying; but at the same time I feel like it might be helpful to open up about this problem. I am also a bit concerned for our future. For the next 2 years we can't live closer to each other because we are studying at different universities. However, I would REALLY like to end the distance as soon as I finish my master's degree in 2 years; I am thinking of applying to his school for a PhD. I would need to know during this winter if he agrees with the idea so I can start to network and handle the application process early enough. The problem is, I am really afraid to ask. If he indeed doesn't mind living apart, there are risks that he won't be interested in closing the distance, or even that he doesn't see a future together. So my second question is: would it be a good idea to have this talk about the future after more than a year of being together? Would it be reasonable to close the distance after 3 years together, despite our young age? Or am I just rushing things and expecting too much?
Any advice would be appreciated, especially if some of you have been in a similar situation with different communication needs / attachment styles from both partners. Thank you in advance!
All the best to you for the next 4 months and for the amazing reunion afterwards! 
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