Thank you for reading my post!
Me, 39 yo female living in Japan, and my husband is 35, and lives in US. We both have a son from our previous marriage.
We have been married for 6 years, have known each other for 7 years. Also, have been in long distance for 5 years. It has been tough.
My husband started going to school to finish his degree back in beginning of January 2012. He told me that he is supposed to be getting at least 3 associate degrees, and he says he is almost done. But life got in his way. He stopped going. I think it has been a little more than a year now, since he stopped going. He is trying to find a way to get back, but he has been there long enough and I remember he was telling me that his scholarship may be running out soon.
This has been why we are in a long distance marriage. Lately, he told me he wants to take some online courses for certifications, and for that he said he needs my help. I agreed, of course. And since then, I have been waiting for him to come back and do so with me, as he said.
The issue I have with him is finance. I am lucky to be well off, and of course helping him with certifications is not an issue, and I feel that I should support him with. But lately, his vehicle broke, and he needs to fix the engine. He has no money, as he has been a full time student, and he is self employed. He is not getting fixed amount, and his business is not doing great. So, I told him that I could help, but in order for me to do, I want the date for him to be back, and also, I am trying to budget for everything, the engine, to have it swap at the shop and the flight.
He went back to America, to take care of his stuff to be back in early July. At first, he was telling me to be back around by the end of October. But another life got in his way, financially, to be exact, so he decided to get a job. It was around late July, but that did not work well with him. (I did not help him as he never asked) He says that he needs to do paperwork for his tax, as he is self employed, fix bathroom for his ex’s house as their son lives there, and the car (I know this can be fixed once I pay, and this will take 5 days). He says that ‘I’m severely overwhelmed and you aren’t even bearing with me. You are forcing to give me an answer (I think he meant the date for him to come here) I cannot give yet. Yes, it will be soon. It’s not like I’m making you wait a year’. But to me, I have been waiting for almost 7 years for us to be together physically. And in between this waiting time, I have helped him with finance a lot. He needed to buy a car, so that he and his ex can take their child to school, and also, his ex’s dad has dialysis to do often. And at that time, I asked him, before sending money, if I send, he would be back for good and sort his life out. He said yes. He came back to spend like 2 months with me but he went back. So I am kind of scared to be like that again, if I send him money, but am I being stingy to ask him, if I send now to fix the vehicle, if I know the date or get the ticket for him to come? That time, I felt so devastated that he told me that he could not make it to come soon but just visiting, as we were planning to go on a holiday. He came back to go on a holiday with me, spent some time, and there we are now. I cannot trust him fully on this, that I will be dealing with the same thing, if I help and I feel like my feelings got betrayed, and my effort to make him come back soon, to get him back on his feet, I feel like I failed to do so. Is this normal to feel, or am I being like using my money against him to get back?
Thank you for reading my long post and I would like to have your opinion.
Me, 39 yo female living in Japan, and my husband is 35, and lives in US. We both have a son from our previous marriage.
We have been married for 6 years, have known each other for 7 years. Also, have been in long distance for 5 years. It has been tough.
My husband started going to school to finish his degree back in beginning of January 2012. He told me that he is supposed to be getting at least 3 associate degrees, and he says he is almost done. But life got in his way. He stopped going. I think it has been a little more than a year now, since he stopped going. He is trying to find a way to get back, but he has been there long enough and I remember he was telling me that his scholarship may be running out soon.
This has been why we are in a long distance marriage. Lately, he told me he wants to take some online courses for certifications, and for that he said he needs my help. I agreed, of course. And since then, I have been waiting for him to come back and do so with me, as he said.
The issue I have with him is finance. I am lucky to be well off, and of course helping him with certifications is not an issue, and I feel that I should support him with. But lately, his vehicle broke, and he needs to fix the engine. He has no money, as he has been a full time student, and he is self employed. He is not getting fixed amount, and his business is not doing great. So, I told him that I could help, but in order for me to do, I want the date for him to be back, and also, I am trying to budget for everything, the engine, to have it swap at the shop and the flight.
He went back to America, to take care of his stuff to be back in early July. At first, he was telling me to be back around by the end of October. But another life got in his way, financially, to be exact, so he decided to get a job. It was around late July, but that did not work well with him. (I did not help him as he never asked) He says that he needs to do paperwork for his tax, as he is self employed, fix bathroom for his ex’s house as their son lives there, and the car (I know this can be fixed once I pay, and this will take 5 days). He says that ‘I’m severely overwhelmed and you aren’t even bearing with me. You are forcing to give me an answer (I think he meant the date for him to come here) I cannot give yet. Yes, it will be soon. It’s not like I’m making you wait a year’. But to me, I have been waiting for almost 7 years for us to be together physically. And in between this waiting time, I have helped him with finance a lot. He needed to buy a car, so that he and his ex can take their child to school, and also, his ex’s dad has dialysis to do often. And at that time, I asked him, before sending money, if I send, he would be back for good and sort his life out. He said yes. He came back to spend like 2 months with me but he went back. So I am kind of scared to be like that again, if I send him money, but am I being stingy to ask him, if I send now to fix the vehicle, if I know the date or get the ticket for him to come? That time, I felt so devastated that he told me that he could not make it to come soon but just visiting, as we were planning to go on a holiday. He came back to go on a holiday with me, spent some time, and there we are now. I cannot trust him fully on this, that I will be dealing with the same thing, if I help and I feel like my feelings got betrayed, and my effort to make him come back soon, to get him back on his feet, I feel like I failed to do so. Is this normal to feel, or am I being like using my money against him to get back?
Thank you for reading my long post and I would like to have your opinion.