Still wish we were engaged

[Chifuyu4]

i'll try not to make this too long, but basically I was really hoping my SO would propose while we were living in the same city for 5 months in the spring and summer. We actually talked seriously about getting engaged, but it just didn't happen. We did get pair rings for our anniversary, it's a thing a lot of couples do in Japan, sort of like a promise ring thing, and I also kind of hoped he might turn that into an engagement. I think the main issues are that long-term engagements aren't really a thing there, and it will probably be at least another year until we can close the distance, and so at least two years until we could actually get married. I'm also still a university student but just a few courses away from graduating, but it's fairly uncommon to get engaged when one or both of the partners are students (he has been graduated and working for a few years). For me these aren't really issues, but I suppose it's a cultural and also personal difference.

I guess it's good to not rush getting engaged and I know a long-distance and long-term engagement is not ideal and a lot of people look down on both (but then a lot of people look down on promise rings etc too), but I had felt like it was a good time and he seemed to think so too, but when it came down to it it seemed he didn't want to commit. It's also hard to see all my friends getting engaged and married while I can't even see him. I can't stop feeling like I would feel happier and closer to him if we were engaged. I know that doesn't really make sense but I don't know how to not feel that way.

[autumn1790]

You're not the only one here, lol. I've been struggling with this too. Our five year anniversary is coming up and we still aren't making it official. What I've been telling myself is that we've never had a "normal" relationship, so I should stop having the expectation that ours will progress in the same fashion as all the supposedly happy couples on social media. Our relationship is working for us where we're at, if that makes sense. I'm not saying it helps, but that's just what I'm telling myself! Hope you feel better!

[Chifuyu4]

Congratulations on your five year anniversary! And I try to tell myself that too. I just feel like if we're not "normal" anyway, there's no need to follow conventions like having only a year-long engagement. But at the same time, I might feel just as bad if we were engaged but couldn't be together. I guess there's just not a lot of winning with long distance haha! Thanks for your reply!