LDR and not feeling loved

[Janko]

Hello everyone I am new here and want to thank you for taking your time to read my concerns about my LDR.

I met my girlfriend working abroad where we moved in together from day 1, until 1 year later where i decided to move back to my country to start my studies again. We have been loving being together all the time, and now we are trying for her to stay in my country due to visa problems.

But the problem now is that with our LDR i am starting to not feel loved, where i get depressed once in a while.
We used to talk almost every day on the phone while she was living in a living room at her friends house. Then she came to visit for 6 months where everything also went really good. After that she moved in with her best friend in a studio, which i wasnt so comfortable with even though i met the guy.

When I told her she starting to get angry with me saying that i am paranoid. Then things calmed down and we started to text every day but we dont call each other so much anymore. Maybe once every 1-2 weeks.

When we talked the last time i said that i missed her and she replied with “i knoooow” which sounded to me that she doesnt miss me as much. So i asked her if she miss me as well and she said “ofcourse baby”.

I am just concerned that she doesnt like me as much anymore, because she doesnt text me when she is going to work so much anymore (before she texted every day when she went to work).

She says she is excited to move to my country so we can be together but i am scared that she will lose/losing interest in me since we dont communicate like we used to. She doesnt say i love you when we text anymore. Only goodmorning, goodnight and when she is going out or is visiting friends.

When i told her i got job (which i need to get her here) she didnt sound super happy. She just replied with “niiiice” and asked a bit about it.

I dont know how to tell her about the communication problems and that i dont feel loved and its causing me to get depressed because i am scared she will tell me i am paranoid or too sticky with the romantic stuff (i am romantic, she is not so much).

We are 24F and 25M and i really want to make this work, but if i dont feel loved i dont know if i can handle 1-2 years before she gets visa to stay in my country.

I really hope some of you have some experience or suggetions about what i can tell her and what to do myself.

Thank you so much for reading, im looking forward to read your help!

- Janko

[MsGrim]

Hello and welcome!

I don't have much experience with this kind of situation but I will say that you need to communicate with her. Don't keep it all bottled up because that's not going to help the situation what so ever. Even if you think you're not going to like her response, you should still tell her how you feel, and honestly, her response might give you the answers you are looking for. If she is genuinely invested in you and wants it to work, she will listen to your concerns and fears and try to rectify the situation to make you feel better rather than blowing you off and making you feel like you are overreacting or thinking too much about it.

Actions speak louder than words (and yes, this still sticks with LDRs) if she is shying more and more away from conversations with you, then there may be something wrong. Or it could mean that shes got something on her mind that she is avoiding talking to you about. Whatever the case may be let her know how you are feeling and read her reactions about what you have just told her. Going on like this isn't going to make you happy and its not going to do anything but drive a wedge in between the two of you.

Best of luck!

[Janko]

Hi and thanks for your response.

I will try and speak to her about how the LDR is making me feel even though we visit each other every 3rd month or so. I just dont know exactly how to lay it out. I am scared i will get upset/mad if her response is bad... hmm

[MsGrim]

The distance is tough, absolutely, but its even worse when you are not getting what you need from your SO. Would it be just as bad for you if she was attentive like she used to be?

If she reacts negatively towards what you tell her, then 1- tell her you were expecting a different reaction (one more understanding and compassionate) and 2- try to get her point of view and where she really stands in your relationship. Tell her you need her to be completely honest with you about what she thinks and feels as well... this isn't a one way street.