Hello everyone, I’ve posted here a few times with various questions. But I thought I would introduce myself better. I am a 33 yo woman, and I have known my SO for about 14 months. He is 35.
I found him online and we have been communicating regularly ever since. In the beginning, contact was sporadic and friendly only. I was in a very long term relationship that I was finding deeply unfulfilling. My communication with my friend online prompted me to change my life and end my relationship. It was very difficult, devastating, and my ex will not forgive me. I also have two children with my ex. I knew that my relationship was over though and the fact that I went looking for a friendship outside of it was because I was so lonely. I didn’t conceal my friendship with the online person and I know that it contributed to my breakup.
Anyway, this past year has been mostly about reestablishing my life. And finding some level of normality with the kids. I can honestly say, though, that things feel mostly settled now, and the kids are doing well.
My online friend was and had been very supportive. We soon started to, not only chat online, but have long phone conversations and some occassional video chats. Did I mention that we live about 14,000 kms apart?
Things were going really well with my friend. But there had been no talk of what we were doing or how we felt towards each other. But I know that our emotional intimacy with one another made us more than just friends. 3 months ago he finally flew over to my country to meet me. It’s something we had been trying to plan for months, but the timing never felt right. We met in my old hometown and spent 2.5 magical weeks together, before we both went back to our lives.
My problem is this: I do not think I can handle the distance. He says that I am up and down all the time, and I know that I am, and I know it is because I feel that my needs are not being met. I know we all want to be IN PERSON with our SO and I am not trying to be weak because I have these feelings. I know that important things can come with a need for sacrifice. But we have no future goal of how we can be together. Visas here are very complicated and expensive. As is flying. I honestly don’t know what to do! I want to be positive but I also do it want to be in an LDR indefinitely. I want something in person, and I want to build my life up alongside another.
I am pushing him away lately because I find that when things get even nicer between us, the pain of not having him is even more pronounced and I honestly cannot bear it. He gets on with his life and seems to be able to handle the distance well. Whereas I am drowning in loneliness and anxiety.
This is a big deal to me because this is a man I can easily imagine being with for the remainder of my life. He makes me laugh, he understands me and he helps me. I feel closer with him than I have before with anyone. When I first laid eyes on him at the airport, it was love at first sight. I felt like I had arrived home without ever before knowing what ‘home’ felt like.
He is committed and I trust him. Although in person I did tell him that I love him but he did not tell me he loves me. He explained that it is something that is a very big deal to him and it also leaves him feeling very vulnerable I think. I try not to let this bother me, I know love does not go well with pressure. But if I am very honest, yes it does bother me. The distance is already challenging enough with me questioning and wondering how he truly feels about me. We did officially become each other’s gf/bf after we met in person though. He says he wants to move to me. That he wants to be with me. But I don’t know how, nor when!
In the meantime I am getting more and more insecure and unhappy, which is putting a bigger and bigger strain on our LDR.
What do you all think?? Can I make this work? Is it worth it? Or is it sometimes better to give up and move on to save the heartache? I do love him, with all of my heart. But this is breaking me.
Thanks so much for reading, and supporting 🤗
I found him online and we have been communicating regularly ever since. In the beginning, contact was sporadic and friendly only. I was in a very long term relationship that I was finding deeply unfulfilling. My communication with my friend online prompted me to change my life and end my relationship. It was very difficult, devastating, and my ex will not forgive me. I also have two children with my ex. I knew that my relationship was over though and the fact that I went looking for a friendship outside of it was because I was so lonely. I didn’t conceal my friendship with the online person and I know that it contributed to my breakup.
Anyway, this past year has been mostly about reestablishing my life. And finding some level of normality with the kids. I can honestly say, though, that things feel mostly settled now, and the kids are doing well.
My online friend was and had been very supportive. We soon started to, not only chat online, but have long phone conversations and some occassional video chats. Did I mention that we live about 14,000 kms apart?
Things were going really well with my friend. But there had been no talk of what we were doing or how we felt towards each other. But I know that our emotional intimacy with one another made us more than just friends. 3 months ago he finally flew over to my country to meet me. It’s something we had been trying to plan for months, but the timing never felt right. We met in my old hometown and spent 2.5 magical weeks together, before we both went back to our lives.
My problem is this: I do not think I can handle the distance. He says that I am up and down all the time, and I know that I am, and I know it is because I feel that my needs are not being met. I know we all want to be IN PERSON with our SO and I am not trying to be weak because I have these feelings. I know that important things can come with a need for sacrifice. But we have no future goal of how we can be together. Visas here are very complicated and expensive. As is flying. I honestly don’t know what to do! I want to be positive but I also do it want to be in an LDR indefinitely. I want something in person, and I want to build my life up alongside another.
I am pushing him away lately because I find that when things get even nicer between us, the pain of not having him is even more pronounced and I honestly cannot bear it. He gets on with his life and seems to be able to handle the distance well. Whereas I am drowning in loneliness and anxiety.
This is a big deal to me because this is a man I can easily imagine being with for the remainder of my life. He makes me laugh, he understands me and he helps me. I feel closer with him than I have before with anyone. When I first laid eyes on him at the airport, it was love at first sight. I felt like I had arrived home without ever before knowing what ‘home’ felt like.
He is committed and I trust him. Although in person I did tell him that I love him but he did not tell me he loves me. He explained that it is something that is a very big deal to him and it also leaves him feeling very vulnerable I think. I try not to let this bother me, I know love does not go well with pressure. But if I am very honest, yes it does bother me. The distance is already challenging enough with me questioning and wondering how he truly feels about me. We did officially become each other’s gf/bf after we met in person though. He says he wants to move to me. That he wants to be with me. But I don’t know how, nor when!
In the meantime I am getting more and more insecure and unhappy, which is putting a bigger and bigger strain on our LDR.
What do you all think?? Can I make this work? Is it worth it? Or is it sometimes better to give up and move on to save the heartache? I do love him, with all of my heart. But this is breaking me.
Thanks so much for reading, and supporting 🤗
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