Bleurgh

[Rusty]

Hey all,

I'm feeling a bit 'bleaugh' today. I'm having a stressful week anyway (the last two days I've worked 12 and 13 hour days), but the situation with my SO and I is just getting to me somewhat.

I think perhaps the initial thrill might have worn off? We recently told each other that we loved one another, and the next couple of days were absolutely wonderful. But in the last couple of days - I think the seriousness has sunk in. Because, of course, the big question that is constantly floating around is 'How?'

How are we going to make this work? What happens? If we want a life together, how do we make that happen? Who might be willing to relocate? What are the logistics of it? And it's a big risk, isn't it?

I know it's a bit premature to be thinking these things, and I'm trying to limit my thinking to working out my first visit, and seeing how that works, but it's hard not to think further down the line. Would I be willing to relocate there? Theoretically, yes. But that raises all sorts of questions - will I have to retrain (I work as a performance technician, and I know a lot of the practices over there are different)? What about further study - I've been thinking about a part-time postgrad, but if I do that it will take anything up to five years.

So then, would she be willing to relocate here? I know she loves the idea of the UK and Europe, but would she be happy to move away from her family, her friends? All of which is irrelevant right now because she wouldn't be able to for nearly three years...

And it's sinking in how long that is.

Anyway, like I say, I'm trying not to think about those things, but I can't really help it. We're going to have to have the 'state of the relationship' conversation soon. We nearly did last night, but I had to cut it off - it was 4am and I just wasn't able to rationally think about it.

So, as a result of all that, right now I just feel like s**t. I'm sad, I'm lonely, and I really really crave holding her. I just desperately want to hug her, just to feel like we will be ok. Hell, I want to hug ANYONE right now, but I'm at work and so can't. And I'm slightly on the verge of crying.

I guess I'm doubting. I love her, I want to be with her, but I'm doubting the possiblity. I don't want to stop this, I want to fight and struggle through for her - I know she's worth it - but the obstacles just seem insurmountable today.

[Čternity]

It's overwhelming when the unknowns are so vast and the time period is so long. I would refocus on the first visit. Take it day by day and pace yourself, one thing at a time. Try not to go without sleep. LDRs can be so much more difficult if you are really tired as well. Feeling like that at work is horrible. Can you go for a quick walk outside to clear your mind? Just wanting a hug is so normal. *big hug*

[Silviar]

you and I could be sharing brains, whipping ourselves into the how frenzy. I was there not so long ago myself. Look, it's easy to look at all of the what-ifs and get freaked out. you're thinking way to far in advance here, Rusty. You're young, you've just realized you're in love, and the magnitude of it all has you looking at years down the road. Don't be overwhelmed by it - take it in steps, or chunks, if that works better.

Give yourself the next three years to sort that out. If you're both happy together, you'll find ways to save up enough money to go see each other. I make only $31k USD a year, and I fully support myself while managing to pay for a trip out to Australia (tickets alone were $1500 USD, total trip cost $3k), and now I'm saving money to move out there in May.

I suggest focusing on saving for your trip, living your life, and taking it one step at a time. When you're both ready to talk about who moves where, you will. And you'll handle it together.

[mattheww65]

I'm in pretty much the same boat here rusty mate! I feel like that sometimes and its horrible. Feel like a bit of a poofter sometimes for feeling like that, but you cant help how you feel.

Me and my missus have been together since May. We met out in Fiji while travelling (amazing place recommend it to anyone), and now I've returned to uni to do a years MSc and she's at uni for 4 years doing hers. I was thinking about it the other day and 4 years seems like a bloody long time, 4 years that's like over 1000 days. But if we're mean't to be we'll survive it.

We've already talked about being together. I'm visiting her in December for a couple of weeks, then she's coming over to me for a couple of months in the summer then i'm going to stay with her on a graduate visa for a year October 2011 to October 2012. Having these things to look forward to is the way we get through it

Just taking it one step at a time!

[Zephii]

*Hugs* Mate, you're not alone.

I never really knew where Canada was in relation to Australia. One day I was helping my sister move house and she had a globe on a stand. I found my city, then I found his city... Then I cried.

I know it seems so impossible. The mountain of paper work, the huge costs, the sacrifices, the damned waiting... Trying to find the right time, trying to find a way to tell the family... Trying to figure out how to have love and a career too. But, it can be done. With a lot of talking and dedication, you will get there. It's hard not to be impatient, hard not to wish your life away just to have them sooner. But if you both really really want each other it wont be so bad at all.

Peace, Love & Carrots

[Mio]

It is normal to feel discouraged sometimes. I hope soon you can start to let this fears go away. Talk it over with her, together you can get thru it!