Anxiety and Stress

[Sfoley97]

After our first meeting two weeks ago, which lasted a week and two days, we’ve now returned to FaceTiming and text. It’s different and weird now doing that. Being with her felt so natural and comfortable. It felt right? We went from FaceTiming and texting to falling asleep and waking up with each other, kissing each other, holding hands, cuddling each other, going on dates, sitting and holding one another while having serious conversations, to being sexual in person, and now she’s home.

Now we are back to FaceTiming and texting, and it feels so different and weird. My issue was being scared to lose her because my prior relationships ending with me being cheated on, used, and at one point mentally and physically abused. I was scared it would end because I never got this far with a woman.

Since we are now engaged and she’s home from the next two months, I’m still scared. I’ve never gotten this far with anyone or this serious, and this is a first time for the two of us. I’m scared I’ll lose her to someone nearby or she’ll lose interest. These thoughts shouldn’t be occurring and she has never given reason for me to feel that way.

We FaceTime everyday and fall asleep/wake up on FaceTime, to about our day at work, and then text throughout the day until we can call. She gives me her all. She posts me all over her social media, her friends and family have met me and have talked to me, and she’s told me I’m her everything, and why find someone closer when she found the one person who truly gives her their all and treats her the way she should be and more, especially when we’ll be closing the distance soon.

She tells me if leaving was something, she would’ve left. She wouldn’t have come up here. She wouldn’t have said yes to marrying me. She wouldn’t be moving up with me in the next two or three months. These are all valid points.

What should I do. How should I go about talking to her. How should I handle these negative thoughts and concerns?

[vivid_idea]

Hi there, I just wanted to offer you some support.

Firstly, congratulations on your engagement. How lovely for you both. It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful things that you can focus on: meeting her family, closing the distance soon, the wonderful time you had together in person...

It can be really hard to stay calm and keep fears and worries at bay when you care so much about another person. Having a physical distance between you can feel unbearable. I know after I first met my SO it was very overwhelming, and I found it painful to feel alone again.

It’s important to focus on the positives and build from that. Reminisce together about what was great about being in person, and talk about what you want to do together next time. Look to the future with gratitude that you have found someone who wants to be with you and whom you love.

It’s perfectly ok to tell her that the trip was amazing and that the separation is overwhelming you now. Be honest. Tell her you are scared of losing her. Communicate with her what you need. If she loves you then she will try her best. But you must also try your best too, and know that nothing good will come from being overly insecure and negative about the situation. Stay positive and keep talking to her about it. I hope this helps a little!