How do you guys do it?

[MsGrim]

December will be the last month I will be able to see my SO regularly. We normally see each other about once or twice a month but he will be moving further away for his next rotation in med school come January; he will be back in his hometown. He would usually go home to his parents house every weekend before he moved away initially- so I am guessing that will be the case again. They still don't know about me and we aren't ready to make that step just yet with them being extremely religious and strict on who he dates.

So! I will not be able to see him from Jan-May at the very least and even after that is questionable since he isn't sure how the step after that works and if he'll have to relocate once again. I don't know how some of you do it... going months without seeing your SO? I guess I have just been spoiled in that aspect. We probably have about 1 or 2 more visits before January rolls around and its kind of making me upset.

We have never face timed, mainly just messaging and calling.. I know this is something that will have to be incorporated. But what else do you suggest? 5 months may not seem like a lot but when you go from seeing your SO once or twice a month to not seeing them for possibly 5+ months is a big difference.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I won't lie to you and say it will be easy or go by in a blink of an eye, because it most likely won't.

We're currently enduring an open ended gap, and it is horrible. We were meant to meet for Christmas after over 10 months apart, but that's now been cancelled.

I would suggest asking him to update you asap with the details of his move, so you can try to plan around it if you can. Is there any chance he could move in with a friend or into dormitories or something? That way at least his parents would be a slightly reduced concern for you to meet up.

If there are any larger or lengthy projects you want to tackle, this might be the time to do them.

I'm afraid I can't give you much in the way of advice, cos I don't know how we're doing this.

[vivid_idea]

I agree with Atlantic in saying that none of us really know how we are doing this, we just, sort of, plod along.

Going from seeing each other a couple of times a month to suddenly incorporating months of separation is going to feel challenging. I think it is good to have a goal and a plan in place. Try to figure when and how often you can manage to see each other. You say you haven’t FaceTimed before? Well great, cos that can be a new fun way to enjoy each other.

Being apart is very difficult, and everyone here knows that. But much can still be achieved even over the distance. I think it is important to clarify how you feel about each other and make sure you are on the same page in terms of the future. And always make a goal of something to look forward to. Whether that is your next time meeting up, or a FaceTime date with you wearing something you feel amazing in 😊

Good luck figuring it out. Remember if your connection is strong enough, then you will be able to do this together 💪

[autumn1790]

Have you talked about this with him? Is there a way you can arrange a weekend a couple months in where he doesn't go home? I understand that parents have a huge pull in some cultures, but sometimes it's necessary to respectfully do your own thing. He could have a big project to do, a conference to attend, etc etc. Is that at all feasible?

[MsGrim]

He will be staying in an Airbnb since his school is roughly an hour from his parents house. He stayed there before he moved and unfortunately, they do not allow guests. We could meet up if we decided to meet 1/2 way (a 4 hour drive for the both of us) but again, his parents expect him home every weekend so not sure how I would get to spend any time with him since I work full time and my ONLY days off are the weekends.

On top of this dilemma, he is entering the more challenging parts of his rotations and will need to study extra to get through. He will be done with that portion in May, and I will be done with my classes in May as well, so that's what we are shooting for. However, right after May he will begin his electives which might require him to relocate once again, this will be done in a years time- who knows where he will end up.

I am feeling the stress coming from him (not in a way that he is taking it out on me, just his tone in conversations) so its difficult for me to remain supportive when I am riding the struggle bus myself.

[MsGrim]

Have you talked about this with him? Is there a way you can arrange a weekend a couple months in where he doesn't go home? I understand that parents have a huge pull in some cultures, but sometimes it's necessary to respectfully do your own thing. He could have a big project to do, a conference to attend, etc etc. Is that at all feasible?

I have definitely thought about this but will wait to discuss with him once the time comes closer. He has a ton on his plate right now with exams approaching so I don't want to overload him. This is possible and hoping we can make it work! He is pretty great when it comes to making time for us, so I don't think he will have any objections if we can plan it properly.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I am feeling the stress coming from him (not in a way that he is taking it out on me, just his tone in conversations) so its difficult for me to remain supportive when I am riding the struggle bus myself.

I know this one far too well. It adds another heavy layer onto an already strained situation, as we are discovering this season. On the one hand, I love that we are so connected to each other, but at the same time I could really do without the extra challenge.


At least you guys have a month in mind to meet now, so that's something to keep remembering.