Starting a LDR with introvert Help!

[Tsnazkitten]

Hi , New here . So here's the story .
Back in 2008 I met him on an online game. I loved his personality and his voice lol . Started "crushing" on him but it seemed he had a thing for another girl in our guild so I didn't really bother to pursue it . Played the game and stayed friends until 2012 I decided to no longer play the game and went about my life . We stayed friends on Facebook and did the occasional "Happy birthday " every year . Well the game rebooted back to its classic form and I had a small interest in going back until another friend who i played with back then asked me to come back . I had just ended a 10 month relationship with someone and thought maybe playing the game with old friends would make me feel better. Omg once I heard his voice all the feelings I had for him came crashing back . I played it cool because I know he's a introvert. Hasn't dated in 15 years , basically goes to work comes home and games . So after 2 months we were both drinking and gaming and I got ballsy and private messaged him " if you were closer I would so date you " and he said back " I would so date you too" So now im excited right ? He gave me his phone number but stated he prefers FB messenger . So I flirt and send messages . I understand he's a introvert and I read up on it . But it's completely like flirting with a wall . It's very frustrating . I know he has interest because we log onto voice chat when no one else is on and talk for hours im talking 4 to 5 hours when he has to be at work early and he shared something VERY VERY PERSONAL about himself that you just don't blurt out to anyone.
I want to fly to see him so bad. And when I mention it he really doesn't respond. He lives at home with his 2 brothers and parents so he says if I come up i can't come over which i understand. There's so much I want to say to him but I'm afraid I'll scare him away and when I don't hear back from him I get sad . I don't want to rush him but I'm having a hard time . Any suggestions would help me
Btw im 49 and in AZ and he's 42 in Indiana.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Hello, and welcome to LFAD.

Ah yes, trying to flirt with an introvert. It's a challenge for sure!
My guy is very similar. He was kinda flirty when we first spoke, but since then he just doesn't. At all. Not even if I do!
We did talk about it at one point, and he said he doesn't bring that up as he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable, because I have in the past.
Then more recently he said he didn't like to because it brings up things that don't help. Which I do get, because distance sucks and so flirting is a reminder of the fact that you can't act on much of what you say.

In your case though, I would say his living situation likely plays a fair part in it. I mean, if I still lived with my mum and sister, I'd likely feel awkward about talking like that online. Plus, when you are introverted, a lot of basic things can be really challenging. I mean, I'm ok to type stuff to my guy, but I don't think I would ever feel comfortable saying it through a microphone, ya know? We're both introverts, which makes things a tad more complex.

When I wanted to fly out and see my guy for the first time, we would've been together for 6 months. He said he felt it was too soon, and I was crushed by that. So I waited it out, and we met up 2 months later.

Maybe you guys could have a video call together in the meantime?

In terms of scaring him away, I had that worry too. I knew I wanted to marry him 7 weeks in, but I kept it under my hat until 4 months down the road as I didn't want him running for the hills thinking I was some deranged woman that he'd regret ever talking to.

I think the general rule of thumb is to let them tell you when they're ready to take the next step. I have had to learn this with my guy, as I seem to move faster than he does. He is a very anxious person who worries a lot, so I try to help him by putting things into a balance for him. Then he can see the main facts as they stand, rather than stressing on all the other variables.

My guy lives in AZ too.

[Tsnazkitten]

Hello, and welcome to LFAD.

Ah yes, trying to flirt with an introvert. It's a challenge for sure!
My guy is very similar. He was kinda flirty when we first spoke, but since then he just doesn't. At all. Not even if I do!
We did talk about it at one point, and he said he doesn't bring that up as he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable, because I have in the past.
Then more recently he said he didn't like to because it brings up things that don't help. Which I do get, because distance sucks and so flirting is a reminder of the fact that you can't act on much of what you say.

In your case though, I would say his living situation likely plays a fair part in it. I mean, if I still lived with my mum and sister, I'd likely feel awkward about talking like that online. Plus, when you are introverted, a lot of basic things can be really challenging. I mean, I'm ok to type stuff to my guy, but I don't think I would ever feel comfortable saying it through a microphone, ya know? We're both introverts, which makes things a tad more complex.

When I wanted to fly out and see my guy for the first time, we would've been together for 6 months. He said he felt it was too soon, and I was crushed by that. So I waited it out, and we met up 2 months later.

Maybe you guys could have a video call together in the meantime?

In terms of scaring him away, I had that worry too. I knew I wanted to marry him 7 weeks in, but I kept it under my hat until 4 months down the road as I didn't want him running for the hills thinking I was some deranged woman that he'd regret ever talking to.

I think the general rule of thumb is to let them tell you when they're ready to take the next step. I have had to learn this with my guy, as I seem to move faster than he does. He is a very anxious person who worries a lot, so I try to help him by putting things into a balance for him. Then he can see the main facts as they stand, rather than stressing on all the other variables.

My guy lives in AZ too.

Hi ! Thanks for answering . I don't know if he would do the video thing. He's Very shy !
When I mentioned " hey im flirting with you silly 😉" he said " I couldn't tell 😛" . We did discuss it later and he said he was not used to it because no one has ever flirted with him before because he usually " repulses women" . I don't know why he's wonderful, funny , and sweet .
The part im struggling with is the lack of response when I text or i tell him how i feel about him and he gets quiet . Im afraid maybe im just reading into it too much or just hoping he feels the same way ... Im really hoping he's not just being nice so as not to hurt my feelings.
I've read about introverts and how they don't flirt like others and they have a hard time showing their feelings. Im trying so hard to give him space and not rush things.
I came here because my friends don't understand , they think he's weird because he plays video games and doesn't go out but I do the same except I do go out hiking and hang out with friends sometimes. So I know how he is . I don't feel they understand .

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Hi ! Thanks for answering . I don't know if he would do the video thing. He's Very shy !
When I mentioned " hey im flirting with you silly " he said " I couldn't tell " . We did discuss it later and he said he was not used to it because no one has ever flirted with him before because he usually " repulses women" . I don't know why he's wonderful, funny , and sweet .
The part im struggling with is the lack of response when I text or i tell him how i feel about him and he gets quiet . Im afraid maybe im just reading into it too much or just hoping he feels the same way ... Im really hoping he's not just being nice so as not to hurt my feelings.
I've read about introverts and how they don't flirt like others and they have a hard time showing their feelings. Im trying so hard to give him space and not rush things.
I came here because my friends don't understand , they think he's weird because he plays video games and doesn't go out but I do the same except I do go out hiking and hang out with friends sometimes. So I know how he is . I don't feel they understand .

Oh yeah. My guy will miss things that I deem to be very obvious too. Goes straight over his head, bless him.
He didn't have great self esteem when we first met for a number of reasons. So, I take it upon myself to tell him often how wonderful he is and how much I love him.

It sounds to me like he has very low self esteem, and he's probably worried that once you see him, you'll decide you don't like him.
I will be very honest here and say that I wasn't incredibly attracted to my guy when I first saw his photo. But I'd already fallen for his personality before I ever saw his face, so it didn't matter so much. It was an adjustment of sorts I guess, but now I think he is the most beautiful man in the world. So, first physical impressions can change.