Sending nudes to other people - is this acceptable?

[089Jay]

Me (19, UK) and my SO (20, Turkey), met online in October 2018. We met in June and it was great. I was happy to see her and she was happy to see me, we did have trouble seeing eye to eye on certain about past arguments, but it didn�t ruin the overall experience and we did as much as we could together. On the first night we just cuddled and then we had sex a few days later. We had sex a few times that week in fact. We also did as much activities we could to cherish the fact that we weren�t going to see each other for a while and the thrill of seeing each other the first time.

She came to see me off in the airport, and we were both really sad. Especially me. We stayed at a hotel near the airport before my morning flight. I ended up missing it because we overslept!! 🙃 and the New İstanbul airport was big that you had to at least 1-2 hours, max 3 hours to check in...I wasn�t a newbie at flying...but it was a rookie mistake and mismatch in time judgment.

ANYWAY,....

3 months later (August 2019); I noticed she was acting weird. We were both on WhatsApp and I suspected she was talking to someone else. At first she denied it, and I said �it�s okay if it�s a friend� and she said �yeah in fact it is�, and showed me a picture of him with his name. I got suspicious as to why she lied at first and so it led to an argument, she was obviously talking to a good looking guy and she wasn�t being open about it initially. I dropped it in the fear of being paranoid...I noticed some things about him, she had told me before that when we met she had sex with some guy and that he was 21 years old and short. Anyway this guy she was talking to was short. And they definitely weren�t just friends. I let it go since it was near the beginning of when we met.

After June she said she said he lied about having sex and she never cheated on me. I was in disbelief at first. But I started to connect the dots he was that guy, that guy she said she had �sex� with but actually didn�t. He was short and I later found out he was 21 years old, and more good lucking than me. My girlfriend isn�t the most attractive person in the world, but I think she is and wonder why she is with me most of the times.

Back to August 2019, I messaged the guy to see what was really going on. He never replied and that made me even more suspicious. I talked to her about this but she made me look paranoid. She said I will delete him and block him so we wouldn�t argue anymore but she never answered my questions... 1 week ago he messaged me saying your girlfriend is sending nudes to me, and she was saying some really lustful stuff to him...it broke my heart. Not only did she lie but she said she was just a friend, made me look paranoid and were talking on/off since May 2019 (a month before we met officially) and till now. They were even talking on and off since March 2018 (before she met me) but she told me they didn�t talk for a while until May 2019.

If everything else she said was true about this guy when we met, then she must have had sex with him. Her excuse was that she was joking...but everything else seems to match up about this guy. I asked her recently and she is overly insistent that she didn�t fuck him and even he said this too when I asked him that they never met. But started talking again in summer 2019 because he was in the area....He says they were going to meet or that she wanted to meet him but the guy was clearly trying to make me jealous as he had some sort of feelings for my gf and I think he knew he never really meant anything to her.

She said she is sorry and she didn�t know why she was talking to him behind my back. She said it�s because PARTLY we were having problems...but I believe no matter what cheating is not the solution and she should have ended us if that�s what she wanted to do.

I feel so betrayed and stupid. She�s making excuses like in August the guy forced her as he was threatening (according to her) to tell me about them but THEY WERE TALKING SINCE MAY and the guy didn�t know what I looked like till August. So he couldn�t really threaten her...I also asked him and he said he never threatened her...and she even admitted she was flirting because she wouldn�t show me ALL the messages just messages she would say to him �I forgot you� etc and he wouldn�t take the hint....but she didn�t delete him and she was still flirting so she obviously liked it. She claims she never asked for the nudes he sent her and he said the same thing, but both him and her admit that my gf was enjoying it a little bit.

She said that she told him he had a boyfriend and that he said he didn�t care. I asked him and he said the same thing.

What is annoying me is she was obviously enjoying because one they were talking behind my back since May, a month before we were going to meet and she never deleted him or blocked him and she claims she �loves me�. She said she only only sent 1 or two and that she didn�t want but she also said she was flirting a little and liking him a little. She said it was mostly him that was sending nudes and other suggestive pics AND she didn�t like which is what she said initially BUT NEVER BLOCKED HIM OR deleted him.

She didn�t even tell me. I had to find out and it was only a week ago.

I talked to the guy she cheated with and what he is saying mostly corroborated with what she was saying she only sent 1 or 2 pics etc.. that she loves me. But he also said that she was also wanting him at the time and that the only reason she didn�t do anything further was because she was scared of losing me.

I confronted her that night and she said she could explain and that�s what she told me. She said they fought when he told me that she and him were still talking and that they deleted/blocked each other.....

He even showed me some of thing flirtatious things that she sent him....

She said she is sorry and very apologetic and that she made a mistake.

My question is is this forgivable? Am I just being stupid or should I give her a chance? I don�t want to give her the message that this sort of behaviour is acceptable...

But guys help, I don�t know what to do.

[Redheart14]

Lies and sending nudes to someone else there is no trust there or respect for you. You deserve better.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

When I started talking with my guy, I told him I was still friends with my last ex, and that I'd go over to his and sometimes stay the night. I made it clear that my ex and I were friends, and that I felt weird when he tried to hug me. In time, I broke it off with the ex completely, and told my guy about that too. He never questioned me about my behaviours, or intentions. He never spoke to my ex. But in that scenario, there was nothing going on, so he didn't have any reason to want to investigate.

I think my point is that in that scenario, I was upfront and honest about what I was up to. Because of that, my guy didn't worry about it.


For me, I don't think I could regain that trust. Once someone has lied about who they did/didn't talk to, or who they did/didn't sleep with...I'd be gone.
He sounds shifty as heck to me, and she sounds like she's either unsure about what she wants, or she's trying to have her cake and eat it.
My personal opinion is that you'd be happier without either of them in your life. The most basic foundational element you need in any relationship is trust. Without it, how can you build anything?

[089Jay]

When I started talking with my guy, I told him I was still friends with my last ex, and that I'd go over to his and sometimes stay the night. I made it clear that my ex and I were friends, and that I felt weird when he tried to hug me. In time, I broke it off with the ex completely, and told my guy about that too. He never questioned me about my behaviours, or intentions. He never spoke to my ex. But in that scenario, there was nothing going on, so he didn't have any reason to want to investigate.

I think my point is that in that scenario, I was upfront and honest about what I was up to. Because of that, my guy didn't worry about it.


For me, I don't think I could regain that trust. Once someone has lied about who they did/didn't talk to, or who they did/didn't sleep with...I'd be gone.
He sounds shifty as heck to me, and she sounds like she's either unsure about what she wants, or she's trying to have her cake and eat it.
My personal opinion is that you'd be happier without either of them in your life. The most basic foundational element you need in any relationship is trust. Without it, how can you build anything?

You’re right and I keep picturing them together...they closer than me and her are...all the possibilities. I can’t believe you can trust someone so much only for them to do this back.

She said she deleted but won’t show me the chats. I feel like if I saw that I would understand her reasons. But she said she doesn’t know. By reading I will understand why she did it and it’s no brainier, I would leave.

[mcnab182]

LDRs need honest communication and complete trust to work.

Due to the situation when they broke up, my current SO actually still lives with her ex (moving out later this month) but I have complete trust in her and honestly believe nothing would be going on with them (I actually believe they don't even get along as friends anymore)

My point is if there is any reason for you not to trust her, and she's not being honest with communication, then unfortunately I can't see the LDR working out

[089Jay]

LDRs need honest communication and complete trust to work.

Due to the situation when they broke up, my current SO actually still lives with her ex (moving out later this month) but I have complete trust in her and honestly believe nothing would be going on with them (I actually believe they don't even get along as friends anymore)

My point is if there is any reason for you not to trust her, and she's not being honest with communication, then unfortunately I can't see the LDR working out

My girlfriend is trying to make it up to me and it’s clear there are reasons for her infidelity, maybe I was pushing or we were going through a rough time and arguing...I know it sounds like a stupid decision, but I think not everything is as black and white. I think I’ll forgive her with time and we can sort it out.

I hope I’m not making a bad decision. Yes she’s not perfect. I’m not either. We’ve had arguments; she can be so annoying. We can stress each other so much. We have nearly broken up so many times. But this mostly due to the fact it’s our first year and we just aren’t used to being in a LDR, the isolation, temptation and the lack of regular physical intimacy because of the distance....but we also love each other very much and we can’t imagine being without each other. I think we can get through this relationship, if we can make it work. Through open and honest communication we can slowly rebuild that trust to how it was in the honeymoon phase and be in that honeymoon phase again. I really believe that. I will see her again in the summer.

We are still young after all and we want to grow with each other and I think fixing our relationship will make our relationship even stronger long term.