New relationship! Am I overanalyzing?

[chrelnka]

Hi! (not a new relationship - we just started speaking and went on one date to clarify)

To start - this guy is in Canada I am in the USA. He is getting a work visa soon but we just started casually dating and only met the once when he was here for vacation, he's in Canada again for another month.

I’ve spoke to a guy I met online for a month now. We met a few days ago for the first time & really hit it off, had a lot of fun, great chemistry and he’s gorgeous! I’ve been excited about it. However, I dont have a lot of dating experience and got hurt bad from a 3 year relationship a year ago so I’m worried about getting hurt again, so I tend to analyze things a lot! I’d love some advice;

When we first started talking I said I scream at scary movies. He replied “a screamer”, I was a bit like…oh.. wow wtf

Is he going to be a guy looking for sex/be inappropriate..this bugged a bit me though I let it go. A while later we spoke about society and how a lot of people are in relationships just so they wont be lonely & he said he blames instagram, sex, etc. that "sex is great but a lot of people throw it around too freely and it loses its value". Which is 100% my view on it; I’m traditional and wouldnt get intimate with a man unless I'd be willing to marry him. I liked that this was his view as well.

My previous boyfriend was religious and waiting until marriage and my first boyfriend we both lost our virginity 2 years into our relationship, so dating a more “modern man” has scared me. I told him I could never be like that with a guy unless I’d marry him, I thought if he was only looking for sex he’d lose interest but he didn’t. I felt I had to explain this to him early on as I got the impression maybe if thats what he wanted I’d let him know it wasn’t me. But we kept talking more than ever every day.

Anyway fast forward a few weeks, we get to know each other more, he talks a lot asks me questions, he's not inappropriate or anything at all, then finally we get chance to meet, it’s amazing, had genuinely SO much fun, tons of chemistry and flirting, had butterflies, everything - then the day after our date he says “maybe we should go hot tub jumping and steal some free bananas from hotels” I pretty quickly said NO, i'd never do that on a 2nd date. I asked if he was actually serious about that and he said maybe..then he said he’d never expect me to unless I really wanted. And clarified he meant it as a joke. That he was being flirty.

I then clarified to him that I'm old fashioned, I’m just not that type of girl if thats what he wants it’s not me, etc. he said “If I make comments in the future whether flirty or boderline pushing it they're only words. I respect and appreciate your beliefs. When we had that talk about sex a while ago I was being genuine, I hope you know that. I'm more traditional myself the older I get".

He goes out his way to talk to me a lot throughout the day, wants to know what I'm up to, etc. he told me he was excited to see me again yesterday and seems very interested in me. I guess I just wish he hadn't said that stuff because other than that it's great. Is it worth chancing it and continuing to see what happens?


I definitely want to see him again, I am crushing on him hard I guess Ive just let this particular stuff linger in my mind a bit because I’m scared of a more “modern” man, some people sleep together very quickly into dating and I dont want that. Based on what he’s said and how things went do you think I’m just overthinking? Dont get me wrong, he’s gorgeous and all I think about is getting "close" to him but my morals would never let me push it further unless I knew him a long time lol

Thanks!

[kittyo9]

I think maybe you're taking what he's saying more seriously than he is intending it to be and he's a bit caught off-guard by your reaction. Early relationships can be a bit bumpy while you figure out each other's humor style and personal boundaries. It's okay to express that you don't enjoy those kinds of jokes or having your boundaries pushed like that, but also understand that each of you may just have different ideas of what's acceptable. So far at least it sounds like he's interested in continuing to pursue a relationship with you.

There's nothing wrong with taking it slow, and it sounds like you've indicated to him that you would like to do so and that he is okay with that. You should be confident in your own ability to say "no" and "let's stop" if you end up in a situation you're not comfortable being in. If he makes more "jokes" that you think are not appropriate, call him out on it and tell him how you feel about them. If he is someone who is worth spending your time on, he will listen and adjust accordingly. If not, or if you don't feel safe saying "no" to him, then he's probably not worth spending more time with.