Worrying about our relationship in the future.

[LM87]

Hi all
So bascially I’m from the UK & the guy I am talking to is from South Africa. We have been talking for 6 months now & have feelings for each other. It’s been a whirlwind journey so far & I love the connection we have until suddenly he comes and states a lot of worry for this situation. He is worried that we may never be able to be together if we do want to continue after he comes to the UK. He thinks this may not be possible & doesn’t want to get hurt or continue to get hurt further down the line. I said I’ve seen situations like this before and it’s been hard work but possible.
I guess what I’m trying to establish from this forum if you guys would please care to help me and support me as I don’t want to lose him (he does say he doesn’t want to stop talking to me but is scared of getting hurt) is who has been in a similar situation to this, what did you suggest? What did you say? How did you work at it? Also have you managed to work it out to a situation which leads to no hurt at the end of it?
I understand this wouldn’t be easy at all but I need some advice!
Thank you

[kittyo9]

It takes two to tango, as they say... long distance can be very taxing on a person, emotionally and financially, and many people are not willing to put themselves in that kind of situation. You could maybe show him success stories of long distance relationships, but understand that to some people, it's just not something they want to risk. Maybe you stay friends and agree that you are not in a relationship until you know that you can find a way to be together.

Whether or not people get hurt in the end depends so much on what kind of people you are and how your relationship progresses. Some people are able to end relationships with minimal pain, agreeing to a mutual breakup, while others may suffer through traumatic breakups and never speak to each other again.

I had a very bad and painful LD breakup in my last relationship and wasn't really sure if I was going to be able to do long distance again when I met my current SO. My current SO made it clear that he was willing to go the distance, though, both metaphorically and literally-- he was willing to put in the effort to see me as often as we agreed was reasonable; to work on our relationship from a distance; and to work on closing the distance in a way that made sense for both of us. That was what made it worthwhile to pursue, to me.

[Becky]

If you can't meet his needs.. or if he is unhappy because of the distance.. Let him go... He might want someone who is willing to have more than a pen pal...